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Expert November 2020

Who pays for the parents' friends?

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Shirley, on February 21, 2021 at 11:53 AM

I'm asking this question on behalf of my parents, who don't know what to do here. My parents are completely paying for my wedding celebration. My fiance's parents never even offered to help, which I think is understandable because my parents are quite wealthy and because they believe the bride's family should pay. But they are not paying for anything in the celebration because they paid for the minimony rehearsal dinner last winter.

My fiance's parents send a list to my fiance, and they want to invite 35 friends and 10 family members who arenot directly related to my fiance. My parents are more than happy to pay for my fiance's family and friends, but they don't really want to pay for 45 people that are just the guests of my fiance's parents. However, they aren't sure if they are being unfair.

Are there any rules about how many guests the hosts should give to the parents of the groom? What should they do? Should they offer FH's parents a set number of seats and allow them to pay for additional seats (my venue is massive, everyone would fit)? Or should they just let them invite anyone they request?

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22 Comments

Expert September 2022
EGD · on February 22, 2021 at 4:19 PM
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Agree with PP, 51 people is a ridiculous amount of people to add and not offer anything for.
If these are just people your FH's parents are "friends" with and they want them invited I would agree his parents should have to pay for them, you already have a pretty large guest list I have to assume this large guest list includes his friends, family and family friends HE wants.
Does your FH want these extra 51 people? or could he do without. I think really he should be the one to sit them down and explain adding these 51 extra people, that he could really live without is a lot to ask of your parents after they already paid so much to include everyone you BOTH wanted.
My guest list max is 150 people, my parents are paying for pretty much the whole wedding and there's not one person I was "Contractually obligated" to invite
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Just Said Yes February 2026
Mellanie · on May 20, 2025 at 2:33 PM
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This is the TRUTH especially in an era where so many parents are paying for their kiddos to go to college too! Have what you and your groom can afford! As someone who had the wedding I could afford (we eloped for about $200 though offered $25K for a wedding by my husband’s boss) and am still married to my wonderful husband for a decade now, that is best. Bear in mind, I paid for myself to go to college too and am currently paying for law school with a kid who is headed to college in the Fall for which Hubby and I are helping to pay! We don’t owe our family, friends, or anyone a DIME for anything which leaves us open to focus freely on our marriage without interference, and we keep our power on weigh-ins because we don’t owe any of them anything and have helped all of them! We even paid for our own baby shower when that time came! Why shouldn’t we? It’s our marriage and our child(ren). Traditions can change and given the current financial state of the average person, it should. I imagine that neither party here is wealthy otherwise we’d not have this convo, right? Do what you two can afford reasonable even if that means no wedding at all. The wedding is not the marriage and your marriage matters most!
This weekend, Hubby and I are attending an out-of-town wedding reception this weekend for a first-cousin of mine who has the audacity to have guests paying to attend the reception but isn’t even inviting all family to the actual wedding ceremony! Having guest (especially out-of-towners) pay to attend YOUR special day is beyond in poor taste. It’s dead wrong, and what starts wrong ends wrong. Please keep that in mind. Learn early to depend on each other, keep your financial business between the two of you, and take that “wedding” money to invest in owning your own business or something that will set you both off for success without the added drama. IMO. My former bestie had a huge wedding with all the trimmings months after I got married and within 6 months they were divorced. So, obviously the wedding does not make the marriage. Best wishes and congratulations!
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