Who hosts a Bridal Shower?

No your not wrong. Anyone can ask to throw you a shower. My girls, mom and MIL are all planning it together. But also remember its optional. If one of your girls (or whoever) wants to be involved and another doesn't then that's also fine too.

If your mom wants to do it all herself, I would just let her. It doesn't have to be a specific person/group of people. Your bridesmaids could throw your bachelorette party instead. If it were me, I would prefer it if my mom reached out to FMIL to help just to let FMIL feel like she's building a relationship with me.

You're not wrong, some moms want help and some don't. Your mom is just feeling excited and proud to do this for her daughter. I would just let her know that you're thankful for your generosity and she can do with those phone numbers how she'd like, no pressure to involve anyone else.

My mom is working with my MOH for my shower. She offered to pay the rental fee for the space and chip in for food; and let my girls take over decor and games.

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The problem is all of my bridesmaids and my FMIL really want to be involved. They love this stuff and have been talking about it since the day I got engaged. How do I say to them, "Hey... I know you're excited about this but, my mom wants to do it all herself"

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I think you need to let them help plan, but it's your call. To me this is part of the bridesmaid "duties", even though a lot of people say their only "duty" is to buy a dress and show up. I think if I was in your situation I would just give your girls and MIl a heads up that your mom wants to do most of the planning and have them throw around ideas and pitch in kind of thing and just let your mom know they want to be involved but that she ultimately had the final say. I think that would make everyone happy in this situation, but again I don't know your mom or your girls.

I think it's super weird not to involve bridesmaids & FMIL if they want to be involved. My mom threw my shower and paid for 100% of it, but she cohosted with my MOH and my MOH's mom who helped figure out game ideas, host the games, set up, etc.

You’re definitely not wrong. I actually got the same reaction from my mom about my own shower (which I thought was weird)... like just accept help.

Maybe you can explain it like, “so and so want to help out bc they love this stuff and just want to help your vision” so she doesn’t feel like she’s being “pushed out” or something. (But this is just my own experience with my mom talking!)

Good luck with everything! I’m sure you’ll have a lovely bridal shower, regardless. 💕

Have a conversation with your mom. Ask her why she got so upset. Maybe understanding why she got mad can help you understand where she was coming from and allow for you to explain why you also would like your brides maids involved in the process. Hopefully that will clear the air and everyone can be involved

Anybody can host a shower for you! For example, a couple of ladies at my church are planning on throwing me a shower. It can really be anyone, just not yourself hosting it

Actually, old school etiquette would frown on the mother of the bride hosting her daughter's shower. This was back in the time the bride usually lived with her parents until marriage so the rule that the bride doesn't host her own shower would apply since her parents and the bride would be viewed the same. Now, it is becoming more common, but I wouldn't go so far as to say your mom has the right to do so. It is permissive. Most bridal parties take the planning duties upon themselves, but anyone can host the shower. Do you have enough guests so that you could have 2 showers - 1 hosted by your mom and then another one hosted by your bridal party? Some brides will have a wedding shower (often including the guys) where only household items are given and then a smaller bridal shower that includes more personal things like lingerie, lotions, stationery, etc.

Family friends are throwing both of mine.

I don't think you're in the wrong at all. My FH's aunt and my aunt want to throw showers at their houses. One will be closer to our wedding and the other in the spring, so that my out of town family don't have to travel twice so close together. That way both sides of the family can throw a shower, but everyone will be invited to both.

Yes you are wrong, in that she was offering to host a party, as a single individual. And the person offering gets to choose if they want to do it solo, or with a group. And she wants solo. But really, a misunderstanding. She probably felt she was being clear, I want to do this means me, mom. And frequently single individuals do showers, she has been around a while and knows that, and that is what she offered. And maybe your experience is all group hosted showers. So she said, she wants and you heard, I want to organize a group of hostesses. Wrongly. Some people have one large shower, some have several small ones. Sometimes a mom, aunt, cousin, sister wants just to do home town friends who are invited, and family. Leaving other individuals or groups to volunteer to do one for friends. My friends are in groups, hours apart, so a small group did a hometown friends, and invited local family. Friends I went to school and worked after with, wanted one in Boston, and 1 friend hosted it, but invited sisters and cousins going to school in Boston to that shower, rather that the partly family one, hours and hours away. And ex- Army friends did one, when I was already visiting the Northwest for a different family wedding. So 3 s all one's of wedding guests, 1 hosted by a group, 2 by individuals, none my wedding party, who were far away. Then my FMIL said she wanted one to welcome me to their huge family, all in NYC. And she invited my bridal party, and 2 friends they mentioned, in 3 states but all within a 40 minute travel time to NYC. All of these possibilities were common ones, and right. Because your wedding party is chosen from among your closest friends and family, and they are already spending money on a dress and such, they often volunteer, and often want a bigger group to share expenses. But if your mom wants to do it, great. If you have a small family and a handful of friends, she may want to do one shower for all. But if someone wants to do one for all friends, or just a small group like college friends and current coworkers, or MIL wants one, particularly if they are in different locations, then your mom, and other volunteers may split the possible guest list. Lots of possible ways to do it. In a shower, the planners and hostesses, make decisions, not the bride. And likely mom wants her shower, not sharing duties , so she does not have to plan to please a whole group of hostesses. Just the party she wants to give. Your bridal party may be relieved, and just want to plan a bachelorette, and be guests at your mom's shower. See what they want to do, if anything. BM who work and have families, or go to school in a different place, may be happy not to have the expense or time commitment if doing a shower.

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This would be great advice if I had a mom who wanted to host a small bridal shower for her side of the family, and family friends. Unfortunately, my mom wants to be the sole host of one big bridal shower where everyone is invited. And my bridesmaids won't be relieved that they don't have to plan one, they will be disappointed. They are over the moon excited about planning one, they've been talking about it since I got engaged. Hence why a group planning makes sense. If my mom wanted to host something for her family, and my friends wanted to host something for our friends, and my FMIL wanted to plan something for her family then it wouldn't be a problem but that isn't the case. They all want to plan a big bridal shower, but my mom isn't willing to collaborate with others. I can't have multiple large bridal showers where everyone is invited, that just seems incredibly rude. So there lies the problem.

View Quoted Comment Have you asked your mom why she wants to be the sole host? I would think it would be easier to split the responsibilities lol. If you know the exact reason, it may be easier to work out a compromise.

View Quoted Comment This is where you practice diplomacy. It will stand you in good stead for many a peaceful negotiation in the future. Talk with bridal party, explain dilemma. Are they willing to do friends of your generation, if Mom does family, and older family friends you may be inviting, and MOG, grandmother or aunts of groom, whoever? Or do they see a reasonable geographic split? I do not know if you are all in one area, or not, but most people do not travel more than a short drive for a bridal shower, except sometimes mothers, grandmother's, a few BP sometimes. Also since a bridal shower is a second gift, in addition to a wedding gift, only friends and family definitely invited to the wedding, who are close to you enough to ask a second gift, go on a potential guest list. You might be best to bring a " maximum guest list" with you. No girlfriends or dates of people if they are not super close to you personally in their own right, no casual friends. Because though everyone on the list may not get invited to any shower, shower hostesses might choose 12 each of a Max list of 40 - - this makes sure people who are not your closest friends and family do not get I vited,. Then, any groom side family women may be added. . . . If your bridal party people who want a shower would be willing to do a group,. Like friends or friends and family of your generation, or those in a particular area, then a few representatives and you can talk tactfully with Mom. And suggest, that your BP has plans, and she has plans. And you have very different ideas. And you, personally, dread very big showers, where everyone sits through opening of too many gifts , and the bride barely has time to talk politely to each guest as gifts are opened, and show proper appreciation and attention to every guest. And as the bride, since Mom volunteered, and has her own ideas, and BP as well, with different ideas, you the bride would be most pleased if everyone could agree to split the possible guest list, and have two smaller showers where guests are invited to one or the other, not both ( proper etiquette.). Then, whatever your BP opinion was - - most commonly they take friends or friends and family if your generation. Or, if BP are just current friends and do not know your old hometown, you may leave those to mom. And decide on who invites groom's mom and such. . . . I have been in many, many bridal parties. And have a huge family, and work 2 girlie professions, so I have done many showers as a friend, usually when most of BO was far, or parties in 2 different geographic areas. And this kind of delicate negotiation goes on very regularly. And only once have I not seen everyone happily split to two separate parties. One mother had a screaming tantrum. Which was representative if why BP had not wanted to work with her to begin with. And bride declined her offer to do any party. So BP did one, and MOG and groom's sister's did a group if their family, and friends in their area, and BP did rest. If you prepare well, it is easy to make people see that each side gets their own party ideas and style, without compromising so much they are unhappy, to do one large group. Smaller groups are much easier to do in a home, yard, or park it inexpensive venue, if one group wants to keep to a lower budget, like one does home baked desserts and puchased liquor drinks only, while other does a catered venue . Years to come, how to spend vacations and holidays, so each family feels fairly treated, yet you have some to yourself, and similar negotiated settlements about children, other family issues, will come up. Time to learn how to make two separate groups happy, bt tactical planning in advance. If you cannot sell your BP on doing 15-30 people, and Mom on doing 15-30 people, and then make MOG happy about being guests at one, or maybe she already is planning her own . . . How will you have a peaceful marriage? Your basic mission here is classic, you can make most everyone happy if you are tactful and positive. Our two huge families are totally different in cultures, religions, even one city one rural. And our friends are mostly neither of family backgrounds. And it is definitely better, I have found, to diplomatically engineer solutions to problems in advance, than to referee fights between divided camps. Divide and conquer is usually a good strategy. Mom gives up some guests, in return gets total control of the theme, setting, menu, and budget for the group she does end up with. And same with BP, who often are happy to have a smaller group, lower budget , given that they are buying dresses and such. And not having to please your mom, they can have control over their party. . . Try it. Trial run for marriage 🤗