Who helps at wedding?

Everyone here will tell you to get a day of coordinator. I didn't because DH thought it was a waste of money (which I think he now regrets but will never admit). Friends and family will say they will help but then things get crazy. I was so sick of people coming to me. My amazing photographer did step in and helped a lot.

The day before I was able to set up all decor. MY fiancee at the time, my mom, and sister in law helped. My wedding was OOT, otherwise BM's probably would have helped. We did the archway, aisle decor, rented piano and sound equipment, and all centerpieces ourselves so had a TON to set up. But it took us about 4-5 hours. If you are renting decor from somewhere, like ceiling draping, the company will usually do it. Our venue had a preferred venue so what we rented from them and they coordinated with venue.

The day of: fresh flowers needed to be added to centerpieces. 2 of my mom's friends took care of that for us.

Night of: I had 3 cousins I just asked right then and there to help load gifts up, then aunts/uncles helped my mom/dad clean up centerpieces during last hour of reception. After, DH and I helped my parents load the cars and then we went to a hotel. If possible, see if you can have people lined up to help because it was hard in my wedding dress. But things just happened. I was dancing, turned around and the centerpieces were all packed up! People are more than willing to help.

Hmm.

This is the question you'll be standing in the middle of the room yelling the whole time. becasue the answer is usually no one.

Your family will not want to help you; I also recommend getting a coordinator. Almost everyone who does wil tell you it's the best money they spent. It saves you from having anyone who DOES help ask you questions on a minute to minute basis.

my best friend and I hand colored my invites; it cost more in champagne than it would have in actual invitations. We made the flowers; that took 8 times as long as we thought and the bouquet ejected rosedses all the way down the aisle.

We catered it ourselves, with a pro kitchen and my pro staff. Don't ask. No, no one died; the food was magnificent, but I didn't sit down until I had a piece of cake.

Maye your BP will help; maybe not. By the day of, they'll probably want to just party.

You can accept help if people offer, but you really shouldn't ask people to help you out. It's not their job. That's what professionals are for. If friends genuinely offer and want to help with addressing invitations or a DIY project, totally fine, but don't go around delegating responsibilities. It's really your and FH's responsibility to plan your wedding.

Admittedly, I had some help with setup for mine, but it took less than an hour and it was mostly FH's family, who was all staying at our house anyway.

Get a day of coordinator. Technically all the GMs and BMs need to do is show up sober in the attire you choose for them. Anything they do beyond that is a bonus. They will volunteer if they want to help, but don't count on them to do a lot.

The main job of my Day Of coordinator (FH's aunt - who is a certified planner) is to keep EVERYONE away from me/asking me ANYTHING. It will take less time for a professional to do everything, then friends/family helping.

You hire people to work your wedding. If you have to do your own decor/set up, you and your FI are responsible. If others offer to help, that's fine to accept, but you don't tell them to. DOCs are great for taking this stuff on.

Who helps? People who sincerely offer to help, and staff.

You can't just delegate work to people. Not even your bridal party.

Get a DOC if you can afford it.

I didn't have a day of coordinator. But I was married in a historical village and the church and the house we had the reception in both came with two women who were a tremendous help and guided people into the reception after the ceremony. I was able to get in the house the day before to set everything up myself. I spoke with the catering supervisor before going off to get ready and my husband was in charge of getting with the Officiant before the ceremony. Both parents and siblings helped pack everything up afterwards. Took 1/2 an hour.

Friends have good intentions but on the wedding day good intentions can be forgotten. Hire a DOC. I'm hiring a girl that is a social acquaintance. She does event planning for her job and is helping me for a nominal fee. Another friend who works at a craft store offered to help with decorations. I told her I am compensating her for her time so the boundaries are clear.

I'm paying people to do it. I don't want to worry about having to do anything on the day of the wedding, and I definitely don't want my friends/family having to do anything. I just want everyone to have a good time. I want the wedding to be fun for them, not work.

FH is in charge of setting up the day of. All of his cousins and Aunts are super excited to decorate things. I don't handle anxiety and stress well so he is in charge of all of that stuff the day of. I don't plan on anyone having to do anything once the events begin. Food, photography, DJ/MC are all taken care of by pros. We will probably hire someone to come in and do clean up after.

I know a lot of people suggest a DOC, and I think that can be great advice, but I also think you need to evaluate: 1) the type of wedding you're having and what exactly you need done and 2) your personality.

I didn't have a DOC for multiple reasons. My venue took care of setting up the tables and linens, they had a dedicated staffer to greet arriving vendors (in my case only the DJ and officiant, both who had worked in the venue and knew the staff), and because the venue already had a lot of decor built into it, I never planned on really doing much with the space. So, for me, it really didn't make sense to hire a DOC since I was confident that me and the bridal party could set things up quickly and without much effort (yes, my BP helped--they had been asking for months how they could help and were genuinely happy to). Also, while I think a DOC is helpful in making sure everyone sticks to the day-of timeline, I am super type A and neurotic and kind of wanted to manage it myself. Okay that might sound crazy, but honestly having a timeline to stick to and tasks to complete throughout the day actually helped keep me calm. I really, really stress that this was just MY experience and again, you have to judge your own personality. I had actually hired a DOC earlier in the process and after she was late to a phone call and displayed some other kind of flaky behavior I was like, nope, not trusting anyone with this. That's not to say that there aren't GREAT DOCs out there who could make your life a lot easier, but I personally felt better handling it myself.

Now, if I had a ton of set up to do and had to coordinate with a bunch of different vendors arriving, a DOC would have probably made sense for me and I would have had to give up a little control. You may want to set up appointments with a few just to get a sense of what they offer so you can judge whether those services would be helpful to you.

Depends on where you live and what your culture is. I'm getting married in the small Alabama town I grew up in so everyone and their mother has offered to help (as my mother and I did when I still lived at home, she continues to). I take them up on it and give them a specific job that isn't time consuming or expensive (ex. making a few gallons of lemonade, helping us keep the food replenished on the buffet line as we are catering but won't have a wait staff). My mom and I have done everything for other weddings from making table runners to doing flowers (ok that's mainly mom, I'm not florally inclined) because we offered and they took us up on it. That's just how people do things where I'm from.

I wouldn't ask someone who hadn't offered and wouldn't expect the BP to do it. I imagine mine will help because I know them but I'm not expecting it and just may be happily surprised!

I want to thank everyone for the responses; my gut feeling is the DOC...because, well...most of our bridesmaids and groomsmen are our children who are in their 20's and probably (definitely) will want to hit the bar and dance floor rather than pay attention to details - they would, of course, if I nagged... and THIS is the last day I want to be a nagger!!

I'm a project manager by profession, so tracking details is what I do... but not on a day when my focus should be on my new husband and having the time of my life with those I love the most.

Ok, one (could be one of the best) decisions made!!!! Now... to find a good one...

Because I'm new to this site, I am going to start a new thread I guess to ask for recommendations. Is it appropriate to ask for recommendations on vendors here on this site??

@Margaret, instead of asking for recommendations in the forums here, your best bet is to head to the Vendors section of the site. You'll be able to read reviews and get more details there.

Check out the vendor search and read the reviews. Everyone on this site is spread out all over the place, so you will have better luck there!

@Margaret: First, welcome to the site! You can get a lot of helpful opinions and feedback on these forums. As for vendors, usually it's best to try to find them using the vendor tab. Sometimes the forums help if you're having difficulty finding someone, but everyone always recommends the vendor tab first. Also, if you're getting married in a small town, you're unlikely to find someone here who can recommend a particular vendor. I live in a small town and we've had good luck finding vendors through word of mouth.