When the Best Man bails....

We have decided to go with no bridal party to avoid situations like this since we are having a DW and things can change till the wedding. But I would not feel second best if a friend asked me after someone else was asked 1st and stepped down. I would be very happy.

Hopefully the other friend of your FH was planning to attend anyways

We kind of had something similar but the way FH handled it he just said "I would love for you to be in my WP". They figured out titles much later.... If they really feel slighted they will say something- but genuine friends will be happy no matter what the title

Ouch...

That's rough...But all I can say is, be gracious and understanding. They may be having financial or other personal problems that they're too embarassed to share with you two and that might be the only way they felt they could approach you. While telling you both in person (or at least on the phone) would have been much more appropriate, some people are just too shy/ashamed to say things in person.

As far as "replacing" them - I would tread lightly, you wouldn't want anyone too feel like they were "second string", especially if you've been telling everyone you know, who's in your bridal party.

Best of luck!!

I know this hurts you, but your ex-BM and his wife probably feel terrible about bowing out. Unless there is an underlying issue, I would tend to believe that he and his wife really wanted to attend your destination wedding and fulfill their duties as attendants. They've probably been realizing for some time that they weren't going to be able to pull the money together, but they put off letting you know -- perhaps hoping for a miracle. That might explain their recent social withdrawal, and finally, putting it all in an email. Facing you might have been too tough.

That being said, I can see your dilemma in asking friend #2 to step in as the BM. Is there a family member that could be the BM -- a brother, a cousin, an uncle? If not, why not promote one of the groomsmen to BM? It's up to you to judge how well friend #2 would interpret your request. If you think he'd understand without feeling like he's a consolation prize, just ask him.

Good luck.

Dang, sorry to hear that happened. I don’t think him asking his other friend would be offensive at all. I’d be honored if someone asked me.

I was asked to be my best friends MOH. I agreed, they later decided to do destination and I had to say I couldn't go.

She has been my best friend for almost 20 yrs, I was quite unhappy but I was also mid semester when they planned the wedding for, in college with no job.

Her husband ended up paying for me to go as his gift to her for her wedding present. (total best guy for her ever) and so I ended up going but otherwise I could never have gone even though I matter a lot to her and she matters a lot to me. Can't imagine life without her, but life is life and money is money.

don't be too hurt by their cancellation

My best friend's husband picked his brother to be his best man. There was a falling out the week before the wedding (business stuff that came to the forefront) and so he asked a good friend to do it and they were more then honored. They just felt so bad for my friend's husband. I don't think that it wouldn't be second best. Just hey I need you man!

Similar thing happened with us, Jamie. 6 weeks before the wedding my husbands brother realized he wouldn't be able to make the trip. So Hubs asked a long time friend to step in. The friend was "honored" and glad to help out.

We buffered the situation by telling him that we originally wanted all of H's close friends in the wedding but needed to keep the bridal party small. He completely understood.

We had the same thing happen for the same reason (DW) and he bailed 1 week before the wedding ugh. Would have been nice to have some notice.

I think guys are a bit different about these things than us ladies. When my H told one of his other buddies that a GM bailed (not to ask him even, just to vent), he was like - oh I can do it what do I need to wear??? So I think it will be fine if he has a conversation with the new guy, assumingt he's planning to go to the wedding.