I’ve been with FH 5 months. I still find him attractive, but I’m afraid he doesn’t feel the same. We still hug, kiss, Massage each other’s hair, fall asleep in each other’s arms when I sleep over, etc., but the sexual stuff is kinda weak. We waited til month 3 to begin that stuff. We’re both in our 30s and been married before. I don’t think he’s cheating, and we never go out in public so I’m not sure if he checks out other women. Anyone in a similar situation? How do I rekindle the spark?
There's a lot to unpack here. You're engaged after being together 5 months? Your sex life is lacking after only two months of being sexually active? You don't go out in public together? It seems that things are moving pretty fast. Maybe the pressure is taking a toll on him. Have you had a conversation with him about your concerns?
It sounds like your relationship moved pretty quickly and you got engaged while you were still in the “honeymoon phase.” I would put a hold on wedding planning until you figure out if you two are going to make it now that the excitement of a new relationship has worn off.
I have so much to say, but don't want to hurt your feelings. TRUST me, I type this with love: please, slow down - why the rush? Something just doesn't seem right... I mean, you don't go out in public together?? You've only been together five months. Five months is usually the time people are just dating and getting to know each other.
Does he tell you that he loves you? Do you know all there is to know about him?
Some people have phases or periods where things aren’t going to feel the same as they did in the beginning but what you’re describing does sound as pps mentioned that there’s more to it, like maybe you guys need to spend more time seeing if the compatibility is right
If you’ve only been sleeping together for 2 months and this is already an issue, it won’t just go away or get better. You may just not be that sexually compatible. He may have a much lower sex drive than you, it may just not be what he is interested in. It’s not necessarily a matter of attraction (trust me, I would snuggle with someone I wasn’t attracted to) nor wandering eye, so it’s definitely a problem that it’s making you feel this way. It is definitely worth sorting out BEFORE you get married, because like I said— this stuff doesn’t change on its own. There’s no simple solution like lingerie or something. It’s deeper, and could benefit from more time to feel out the relationship, in addition to meeting with some sort of sex and relationship counselor. Maybe there’s something actually going on with him (like a mental block) or maybe he’s just not that interested in sex. Either way, things to feel out before you enter into marriage. You mention divorce— do you know why his last marriage ended? I think that information is super important for you to fully understand him
He may be primarily gay. Bisexual enough to get through it now and then with a woman, with stimulation, but not really turned on. And not regularly over time. Depending on culture, some guys always hide it. They want a family, with a wife. And a good friend as wife. But figure to settle in now and then with wife till they have kids, then rarely if ever resume relationship. Just enough to convince you to go through with the marriage. And will always have encounters on the side. This is fairly common with this scenario. A possibility to consider. Especially if the parents are really against homosexuality.
I would seek out couple's counseling, this seems like a deeper issue than something that can be solved on a Wedding Wire forum. I'd look into couples counselors in your area and make an appointment ASAP. You can also find couples counseling books online for tips.