When guests don't show

If you see @Faith lurking around at some point, bump this post for her. She's talked before about her no-shows and being hurt by it (especially being able to see it in her video). She'd have a good perspective for you.

My sister had this happen to her, I know its really upsetting. I'm worried my aunts and cousins will RSVP and then not show. Their kinda flakey.

We had two no-shows, but later found out that she had asked for a divorce the day before the wedding, so we understood in the end.

I think it's completely appropriate to reach out and say something like, "We really missed you at the wedding! I hope everything is okay."

Not married yet, but my friend got married in August of 2014. Some of the no shows, people reached out and they were sick, something came up, etc. That was okay with her. She actually followed up with everyone just to make sure everything was okay. Have you tried doing that?

But she definitely had an aunt an uncle who never showed, but was seen tagged in pictures up in Mackinac Island on Facebook later that day. So to her, it wasn't the money lost, but the blatant disregard to the fact that they RSVPed yes, couldn't be bothered to show, and paraded their "spontaneous weekend trip" up north instead of showing to their niece's wedding.

I had several no-shows. Two I was hurt by: the husbands of my bridesmaids. I knew them both, one really well, but their kids got sick that morning, so I can't be too angry.

Another no-show called me that morning without a really good excuse - something came up. That was a bit painful, too.

The worst was the 5 people who didn't even have the respect to call. I found out they weren't there by not seeing them. One couple told me a week prior they were excited to come, the other three were my ex-step family that I was close to. Not a word.

I still can't look at them without thinking about it. I'm cordial and such, but to this day, two years later, none of them have acknowledged it. I saw my ex step-aunt just two days ago and had a good time with her - but I kept thinking about them no-showing, no-calling. And the other couple? Well, I've seen them since, but the wife (who is my friend) and I were talking at a Christmas party and she actually said to me, "Well, we're supposed to go to a wedding in Galveston tomorrow, but I don't really feel like it. I have a habit of RSVPing to a wedding and then really not wanting to go the day before, so I don't."

Their absence did nothing financially to me. We lost zero money. I could have invited a few more people, but I was't angry about that. It just made me feel like maybe our friendship wasn't as close as I thought it was. And I won't invite them to any important functions in the future.

I had a few no shows and I understood all but two. One of my no shows lost her husband last year and she thought she could make it but it was too much for her. Another's childcare fell through at the last minute and he'd lost his fiancé recently. One had car issues and another is a company owner that had a last minute emergency. A groomsmen was in the navy and had lockdown on his ship so he missed his flight. The final couple had a medical emergency.

The ones I couldn't understand was one of my husbands friends who RSVPed and spent the day on Facebook posting pics of her at home. My husbands aunt wanted to bring her married boyfriend but we weren't comfortable with that. Her daughter is going blind so she said she'd bring her instead and didn't. She made sure to sign the card with her and the boyfriends name though.

I don't think there's any wrong way to feel about it....all those feelings you mentioned seem perfectly normal. I know I'd be disappointed, and that they wasted our time and money, as well as valuable guest space....they are inconsiderate. Initial reaction, you can't tell yourself how you feel....it's what you do with those feelings that's most important, once you have time to digest it. Some people just don't know how important RSVP's are and how it costs you, while it's ok to be disappointed life goes on. In this days and age of evasiveness, you probably won't get them to accept responsibility, and they probably won't bring it up on their own. If they do, and apologize, you might say, I appreciate that, I sure missed you there, it was a surprise but moving right along...with others, if you want to get the elephant out of the room, you may tell them you missed them there and see if they take any ownership. If not, or they never say anything, or avoid you because it's easier for them.....that tells you something.

I only had a few no shows. Two didn't bother me at all. One guest had a date who backed out of him. It was one of my life long dear friends that really bothered me. I kind of knew it was coming but I still would appreciate an explanation. We were surrounded by so much love though I didn't dwell on it.

We had roughly 20 people not show out of a guest list of 125. Im a numbers person, so my first thought was these people cost me $1k. But, at the end of the day you just have to move on. We didnt receive an explanation for most of the no shows.

I had about 30 no shows. Yes, sometimes I think about the money lost because some people I invited to please my in laws or parents. Some did tell me they couldn't make it the day before and some I haven't talked to much since then. Extra money that could have been saved. Empty seats bothered me too because I spent so much time on the damn seating chart!

I'm kind of shocked that some of you had such high numbers of no-shows! Legitimate emergencies or illnesses do come up, but to no-show just because you "don't feel like it" is exceptionally rude. Just go, eat your free dinner, give your good wishes to the couple and head home early!

If I were in your shoes, @MoSunshine, I wouldn't say anything. That should be on them to explain, not on you to figure out. I wouldn't write those people out of my life entirely, but I would definitely have a different relationship with them after that.

@ETex, she actually said that to you and it didn't occur to her that she did the same to you? Whoa.

I had 15 no shows at my 1st wedding and IT PISSED ME OFF!! I still til this day hold a grudge against each and every one of them. It's rude and very inconsiderate.

@Ex Tex, I would have called her out as soon as she said that to me and said, that's rude as hell people pay a lot of money for weddings and for you just not to show up cause you dont feel like it after RSVPING is RUDE!

I'm dreading this. Since most of my guests are OOT and I just checked our room block report & the numbers don't add up, I'm worried we'll have no shows.

The money thing won't bother me (but it does rub salt in the wound) but the questioning of our friendship is what will eat at me. I take all my guests very seriously and anyone who I invited to our wedding and they don't show up, there better be a very good excuse. I know it sounds immature but I lead my life by the golden rule, do unto others as you would have done unto you. I would never treat a friend that way and expect that in return.

I had two friends that I was already feeling a little let down about not show. I noticed their absence as soon as I walked into the reception hall and my heart fell. I really didn't want to talk to either one after honestly. Now I have reconnected with one of them. Turns out they were driving to my reception together and one got very sick puking etc, so they turned back. I understood in the end. There were other no shows, some cousins. I barely noticed.

We had a few no-shows, and to be honest, I didn't even notice until afterwards when we were gathering unused escort cards. None of them were family, though one was my Grandlittle who I basically consider to be family. He's had a lot going on in his life lately though (dropping out of school, dealing with alcoholism, generally avoiding those who care about him, etc.), so it honestly didn't surprise me that he didn't show. I was sad that the no-shows couldn't be there to celebrate with us, but I don't foresee it affecting my relationship with them in any way.

Like LoveinDC said, I'm still bitter about the no shows at our wedding. We could have eliminated at least 2-3 tables. I unfriended the unexplained no shows on facebook.

I know realistically not everyone will make it and things happen. That's fine and understandable. But if someone RSVPs that they are coming and doesn't bother to let me know they won't be showing up I would be pissed. That's just inconsiderate.

I had a very small number of no-shows. I mean, on the day.. NO. I didn't think about the money lost or being offended. I was on cloud 9 from just marrying my best friend. Did I think about the money lost afterward? Nope. I mean.. things happen. People have stuff going on. I was way too happy over how incredible my wedding day was to be pissed of that a couple of people couldn't make it. Honestly.

We had a handful of people reach out last minute because they could no longer make it and apologized, and a couple of guests whose plus-ones bailed. Didn't really notice and at that point any money was already spent!