What's Your Take on Etiquette for When You Can't Attend a Wedding?

I wouldn't really expect anything with a declination, especially if it's a long trip for the guests. If they really are close family perhaps they are just planning on sending a card or gift closer to your date.

I wouldn't expect anything so if they do send you something it will be a nice surprise!

I usually apologize for not being able to attend with the rsvp. We had 15 people decline and 2 of them gave is gifts. I wouldn't expect gifts from people who decline

I wouldn't expect an explanation. They are under no obligation to provide one. In the past, if I am unable to attend, I do send a card, but closer to the wedding date.

I weirdly haven't had a wedding yet that I couldn't attend, but I wouldn't necessarily expect a card or gift. That being said, I'm about two weeks from my due date too and I haven't had a decline yet (knock on wood) so I'm super glad I didn't over invite the way people (not WW people) told me too. I would be so screwed.

If you get something it'll be closer or after the wedding date. Did you pre-stamp the rsvps?

Eta: I stamped mine, why would they waste that postage to enclose it in a card? I know you don't want to sound gift grabby but you do. Rsvps are only meant to tell you if they're coming, nothing more.

They don't owe you an explanation or anything. Take their decline gracefully and more on. Focus on the people that can make it.

Ive never included an explanation or writte, apology with a decline. I do send a gift or cash in a card, separately. ETA: words

Welcome to the decline in politeness in society. Which corresponds directly with the trend to invite every single relative and near relative on the planet. (I'm not saying this is what you did....)

It would figure that people who are close to you (not automatically aunts, etc) would want to at least write or call, but beyond your immediate family? Probably some of them are still trying to figure out exactly who you are.

I would write a little note, but I'm ancient and that's what we did. I send a note for everything.

Don't take it personally and enjoy the people who do come.

We had one couple include a small card in our provided RSVP envelope, expressing their regrets and congratulations. It was very nice to receive. And this couple lives on the other side of the continent so I can understand why they would decline.

We had another couple just check the "decline" box and send it. I'm thankful that they RSVP'd in time AND that they didn't write "NO" across the card like that other WW bride experienced. However, they're family and, although they live a couple hours' drive away, it would have been a nice touch if they personalized it a bit (i.e., "Congratulations!"). We've had a lot of personalized acceptances, too, which are really fun to receive.

Only two of our declines had additional notes. The others they just checked decline. It's all I expected.

I'm not even expecting my family to send the RSVPs back to decline. I'd be happy to get the card back with the decline box checked.

Our last 2 we had to decline were followed with a text/ email to say we were sorry but couldn't come and why (flights).

I usually just send the RSVP card solo, but follow it up with a card shortly thereafter saying we're sorry we couldn't make it and including a check, if we are close to them.

So far, I think all of our declines, except 1, were accompanied by a phone call or note. Two declines sent a gift or check along with a card.

Ehhh.

Whenever I have had to decline a wedding or shower, I sent my decline in the mail (or website, whatever) without comment. I send a gift/cash closer to the event date with my best wishes, and regrets for not being able to attend (which, I genuinely am 99% of the time!).

I never saw the RSVP as a place to really comment. If anything, I see it as pointless because I KNOW I will be sending a gift and card later on.

Other than that, I'm sure the declining family with no comments anywhere (whether they be RSVP or not) are family that you aren't particularly close with, or who don't normally do this sort of thing. I have several aunts who write me cards just for fun, and a few that I hardly ever hear from. I'd find it odd to not hear from one set of aunts, but not at all shocked about the other. Etiquette or not, it doesn't really matter. I just don't expect things from certain people.

I wouldn't look into this too much. I personally don't see the RSVP as a spot to send a note, though.

ETA: I have been invited to a few weddings that were CLEARLY gift grabs (If I haven't spoke to you in 8 years and you haven't thanked me for the shower gift I sent you, which in itself is odd, I'm not going to send you much more back aside from an RSVP No.

With how huge weddings are getting, sometimes you just aren't close to the couple getting married. DH invited a few family members I have never met, and probably honestly never will. We didn't get anything more than a decline, which is fine with me.

Several of our rsvp's weren't mailed back. we had to hunt people down . apparently it's cool not to check no and send it back with a stamp on it!