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AyEmVee
VIP May 2017

What's the point of a unity ceremony?

AyEmVee, on November 27, 2016 at 12:47 PM

Posted in Planning 38

I'm genuinely curious. FH and I aren't really sentimental, so I can't really imagine doing a unity ceremony or displaying any sort of sand or candle type thing in our house afterward. Maybe we just haven't seen anything that's really spoken to us, but I feel like the whole point of a wedding...

I'm genuinely curious.

FH and I aren't really sentimental, so I can't really imagine doing a unity ceremony or displaying any sort of sand or candle type thing in our house afterward.

Maybe we just haven't seen anything that's really spoken to us, but I feel like the whole point of a wedding ceremony is already about unity with lots of other traditions symbolizing your commitment to each other---exchanging rings, signing the marriage license, etc.

I'm genuinely curious to hear why other couples decided to do some sort of unity ceremony on top of the other ceremonial traditions though. I'd hate to skip doing something and then regret it later. I'd also like to know what kinds of unity ceremonies are out there, so let me know what you're doing. Maybe it will inspire me to look into one a bit more.

38 Comments

  • MNA
    Master April 2018
    MNA ·
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    We will probably be doing a sand ceremony with an hourglass. I love hourglasses, and we both like the symbolism behind the hourglass (as the sand gets mixed through the years via flipping it on our anniversary, it symbolizes our lives becoming more and more fully intertwined). DF likes a stone ceremony. We are deciding on how to incorporate one or both of these into our ceremony.

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  • FutureMrsSchneider
    Expert September 2017
    FutureMrsSchneider ·
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    We are planning on planting/watering a tree. We didn't like the idea of candles or sand etc, but wanted to do something to lengthen our ceremony a little bit. I saw a poem on a friends facebook about trees being a symbol for new life and growth and kind of got the idea from there. I then checked pinterest and found other ideas for it. Im still looking for a good reading to go along with it. We will eventually plant the tree in our yard when we buy our first home.

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  • Nicole
    Expert September 2017
    Nicole ·
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    We're doing a handfasting with our kids. The idea is to get our two children as involved in our ceremony as they want to be. FH and FSS will pick out one ribbon, DD and I will pick out another, and then the four of us will pick out a ribbon together. At the end of of the ceremony we'll give each other a bracelet made out of the braided ribbons.

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  • Shelly and Matt
    Expert May 2017
    Shelly and Matt ·
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    We're doing the tree ceremony because it's something we can have and watch grow during our marriage.

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  • Paige
    VIP March 2017
    Paige ·
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    It's not necessarily a unity ceremony, but we'll be doing a ring warming. We're having our ceremony at the top of a gondola on a ski resort, so hauling a bunch of extras up the mountain didn't appeal to me (though I love the tree planting!) We have 20 guests, so the time to have the rings passed shouldn't be an issue, as it could be with a larger guest list.

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  • Shows2017
    Super September 2017
    Shows2017 ·
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    We are doing a unity sand ceremony with all the kids.Joining us as one whole family

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  • The Trap Selena
    Master March 2016
    The Trap Selena ·
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    I've only seen one unity ceremony and that's the couple lighting the unity candle. I've never seen other family members be involved in it.

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  • KNB2016
    Super November 2016
    KNB2016 ·
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    We did a branding ceremony. We branded one piece of wood with our designed fire brand. To me it symbolized the start of our lives together. I will use it on stationary, decor ect. I also plan on starting my own business and that brand will be the one I just for the business.

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  • annakay511
    Master July 2015
    annakay511 ·
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    We didn't do any type of unity ritual. If you don't "get it", then don't do one!

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  • Jenna
    Super July 2017
    Jenna ·
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    It's just a sign of two people coming together as one... we are doing a wine unity ceremony.

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  • Holly
    VIP June 2018
    Holly ·
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    It's not required, so don't feel pressured to do one!!

    That said, I'll tell my story. At first, I was dead-set against sand ceremonies. I work with kids and sand can be extremely fun, but becomes the enemy when it comes time to clean up. Needless to say, I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. I've also seen plenty of sand ceremonies in person and in pictures where the sand winds up in layers, which I don't like. The point of a sand ceremony is the sand being mixed and nearly impossible to separate. When the sand is in layers, it's not very intertwined.

    Then I started seeing hourglasses and I fell in love with the symbolism of sand ceremony hourglasses. The idea behind it is that each the hourglass is flipped, the sand becomes more mixed and increasingly harder to separate. I love the idea that as we grow together and begin our family, FH and I will become increasingly entangled and harder to separate. I love the idea of including our future children in on this, as well. We will flip the hourglass on each anniversary, but we will also flip it at random times when we just want to.

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  • M
    Devoted September 2016
    Maggie ·
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    We had to sign the license in the courthouse but did the sand ceremony for our wedding. We had an outdoor ceremony, so it made sense to do it. I like it because it just fit our personalities, two families joining together.

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  • 2ndTime
    Super October 2017
    2ndTime ·
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    I am not a huge fan of the unity ceremony either, but I really want to have my kids involved because the wedding is about all of us joining together. So we are probably going to do the sand ceremony with 4 different colors, though Holly's post above is making me think hourglass would be a better way to go!

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  • Nancy Taussig
    Nancy Taussig ·
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    Some of my couples have used the hourglass for the sand.

    One family had glass beads (like you use to make a necklace) -- a different color for each person -- that they placed into an open bowl.

    I recommend watering a plant or tree instead of planting it -- less messy.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    I like the sand with kids; we talk about the color significance of the sand each child pours, and I encourage them to add little charms, tiny action figures, anything that is representative of each child. And I suggest that on every anniversary you give it a little shake so the pattern of the layers changes as your family evolves.

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  • Katie
    Master October 2016
    Katie ·
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    We didn't do one and have no regrets. We also thought they were pointless since our ceremony and exchanging of the rings already symbolized our union. We have plenty of wedding memorabilia so we don't see the need in having a jar of sand on our mantel for us to remember our union.

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  • Dij
    VIP May 2018
    Dij ·
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    @celia that is beautiful (tear emoji)

    Op- We are doing the unity candle because we want to

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  • L
    Savvy April 2020
    Larinda ·
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    I'm doing a unity candle. It's been tradition in my family for many years.

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