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Danielle
Just Said Yes August 2021

What’s reasonable to ask guests to pay for a hotel room?

Danielle, on February 27, 2020 at 12:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 4 53

Hello all! First time posting here and in desperate need of advice..


So my fiancé and I live on an island in the Puget sound area. We’re getting married on August 14, 2021, so a year an a half away.

We hired a wedding planner and found the perfect venue. It’s sort of like a resort but a lot smaller and we want to book the entire property for the wedding. If we do that then a lot of people would be staying in the rooms there and we could extend the wedding time to as long as we want it and party all night.

There are 28-30 rooms (I’m not 100% on the exact number) and we’ll be inviting about 120 people. The issue is with the room costs.

Technically we live in a “destination wedding” location, though we live here and so do our parents (minus my dad) and most of our friends. All of our extended family will be joining us from out of town. Most of my family is in Oregon and Northern California and my fiancé’s family is spread throughout the states.

We’re not sure of the exact room prices yet (we’re waiting to see if we’ll get better pricing) but it’s fairly expensive. To rent out the entire property it’s a 2-night minimum on the rooms.
There are three types of rooms (at this seasons pricing):

4 mostly-secluded cabins that are $550-600 per night

14 private hotel style rooms that are $350-400 per night

10(ish?) rooms in a small space that have communal bathrooms for $250-300 per night

I want to start reaching out to family members to see who will book rooms so we can be confident in renting out the entire property and not eat up the costs of vacant rooms.

What I’m asking is, is this too much to asks our guests to spend per night to join us?
The selling point would be that we would all be in one place, they wouldn’t have to find rooms elsewhere (and wouldn’t need a designated driver), and there’s a restaurant on the premises (so they wouldn’t have to leave the property if they didn’t want to). However, we wouldn’t be paying for all of their meals other than the wedding dinner. If they wanted food they would have to go to the restaurant on site and buy their own food.

There are other hotels and air bnbs nearby, but during peak season everything is expensive and it’s hard to find vacancy. We’ll provide other options as well (though no hotel nearby allows us to put a hold on rooms because of how busy the island gets during the summer) and not force everyone to stay where the wedding will be.

Also, is it tacky to reach out to people now and ask them if they’re open to staying at the hotel? I’m sure I have a million other questions too. But mostly if it’s a reasonable price point per night for guests.

53 Comments

Latest activity by KitandKaboodle, on July 19, 2020 at 8:43 PM
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Personally I don’t think it’s reasonable and I would worry that people would initially commit and then back out. I say this as someone who lives in and got married in a tourist town where no hotels do courtesy blocks and the motel 6 is $250+ a night. All of our guests had to travel to our wedding and we let guests figure out lodging on their own. Some people got a house together, some people wanted to use Hilton or Marriott points but everyone figured it out and we didn’t have an extra headache or stress about it.
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  • Eshell
    Devoted July 2021
    Eshell ·
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    Personally I feel like those are steep prices. We didn’t do room block simple because we are having a destination wedding and we did not want to have the expenses if all rooms were not booked. Our wedding website stated depending on YOUR budget and lifestyle here are hotel SUGGESTIONS and we categorize it based on
    **Near venue
    *****Downtown / live party area*********Air b n B Each category we put 3 price points hotels suggestions And LOT our guest going Air B n B because it’s best for large crowds We Caribbean we come in crowds lolllol
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Those are steep prices. I would not rely on your guests to stay at your venue or to stay the minimum. It's pricy enough to travel far for a wedding, I would not be pleased if I were asked/expected to/hoped to stay at a place not of my choosing. Also, most people don't plan that far out. You're talking about a lot of rooms and a big financial liability.
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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    I would never stay at a hotel/cabin for someone’s wedding that costs that much. There’s always choices and if I attend your wedding I would stay elsewhere.

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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    It depends on your guests financial situation.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Depends on the financial situation of your out of town guests, but those are some really steep prices. Up to $300 a night for a room without its own bathroom? That seems like a terrible deal. Unless your out of town family members are very well off financially, I would rethink this plan. If your location is off the beaten track, then it's already going to be more expensive for the guests to get there...


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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Those are some extremely steep prices
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I would not think it reasonable, either by cost ( too much) or by the way you are doing things. You want to rent the whole place, so that all common spaces , all the time, are the venue for your wedding. For example, if Joe and Sue, she a BM, stay somewhere else, they can have 6 local friends over day or even, nothing to do with your wedding. But at this In, it will be 3 days 2 nights, exclusively for your guests. They all lose the rights to use the common spaces, or socialize with outsiders if they wish, not just for 8 hours of your wedding, but for the whole time. You are using their added up shares to the use of the Inn and property, as your venue for a 2 day house party, exclusively. It is generally considered rude to use other people to subsidize your venue costs. The fa t that destination resorts market it, does not make it right. I have been to a number of such small hotels, large Inns, or private compounds with a variety of choices, for weddings. And we had one. And in every case, the couple ( or their family) picked up half or more of the cost of every room, and the tax on that half, leaving guests exclusive rights to their own rooms, but effectively taking over all common space for the duration. Any room service, maid services and such, guests paid, plus their half of room and tax. People seemed to think that fair. On some other such destination weddings, the couple expected people to pay the full cost, even though they surrendered all common space and activities for a wedding venue. For those, few people accepted invitations to the wedding, once they found out they would be paying in shares for the venue. And private comments that went round? Very negative. We, and some but not all , paid 100% for all wedding party and SO. Because they, were not in an income bracket to pay that much to be in a wedding, even at half the cost.
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  • Jmz
    Expert July 2022
    Jmz ·
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    I get that it sounds like fun, but I wouldn't rely on guests to be willing or able to spend that kind of money. I might splurge for a $300 for our own wedding on a room that's completely private, but I definitely wouldn't as a guest and then have to share a bathroom. If your guests have a very different financial situation it might be worth asking... But I wouldn't put too much hope into being able to rent out the entire venue's rooms by asking guests to pay those prices. 🙈
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  • Liz
    Devoted June 2021
    Liz ·
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    I ran into the same problem. We originally were planning on getting married in Block Island in June. All the hotels in the island had a two night minimum and we’re priced over $250. They also would have had to take a ferry to the island. Well long story short I thought that too many obstacles for guests so we changed our minds and found something more local. Giving your guests plenty of notice will give them time to plan ahead.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I don't find those prices reasonable at all.

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  • Margo
    Savvy October 2020
    Margo ·
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    We were going to do the same thing initially with our wedding. I think if you are renting the entire property then you are responsible for the cost.


    We’ve since moved to another location and avg rate in the area is upwards of $250 which I personally think is still pricey for guests to pay.
    I think a good price point for most is $150 - $220 nightly. I plan events all the time and this is the price point I look for.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Yikes. I love the idea of renting out the entire resort, but not at that expense. Honestly, the only room I would be willing to pay for as a guest would be the room at $250/night... BUT then I saw communal bathroom and you lost me there! I would never pay that much money to share a bathroom with someone! I think your best bet will be to see if any hotel will offer a courtesy block, but also suggest other lodging options to your guests and let them figure it out on their own.

    For our wedding, we got 2 blocks. A higher priced hotel and a mid priced hotel. Then we gave suggestions at local cabins and, obviously, Airbnb and let our guests decide. It is easier for all parties involved.

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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    I agree with the others that this is a lot to ask someone to pay. Unless their are reasonably priced places in the area I would reconsider this venue. It sounds like your guests already have to pay to travel and then accommodations as well. Your turnout will be very low with those prices.
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    I am getting married in my college town... in Texas... in the fall... on gameday. SO I can't get a block either. The motel 6 is also upwards of $200 for the day of the wedding. Most of the hotels have a two night minimum. It's a nightmare but I'm letting everyone figure it out. I had already booked a ton of things by the time I realized all of this. We're playing such a minor school that day so I didn't think it would be a problem but obviously I was wrong. Personally, I think that's super expensive and I would look for alternatives.

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  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    I wouldn't pay $250 a night at any hotel. And I would never stay at a hotel with communal restroom.
    Declines with regrets.
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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    Personally, I wouldn't continue with this venue unless you and your fiancé are willing to eat the costs with vacant rooms. Don't put yourselves into financial hardship by hoping people will book the rooms. I am financially stable and I wouldn't pay those rates.

    If I was a guest at your wedding I would be looking at Airbnb's, hotels, etc. nearby. If those are not available for your guests at a reasonable price I would not continue with this venue- sorry!

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    The most we've been asked to pay for a blocked room at a wedding is $200 a night. We've never been out of the U.S. but we have been to Houston, Denver, Fort Collins (Colorado), Steamboat Springs (Colorado), San Diego (twice), and New York for weddings.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    A "reasonable cost" is relative. Are your friends and family the type of people who routinely spend $500-1200 for two nights in a hotel? In general, I'd guess for "the average wedding guest" that is MUCH too high. We had a family member who got married cross country from 85% of her guest list at an old Inn in upstate NY, that was also her venue. Those rooms were $250-450 per night; they were lovely and quaint (also NO elevator...just the original 150-yr old staircase to the second & third floors). However, added to airfare (during fall "leaf season") to an airport in a secondary city, I spent over $2500 just to get there and stay in the appointed hotel (I went alone because of the cost; it was also Parent's Weekend at the Ivy League university quite nearby, so there were not a lot of lodging options). If it were not the wedding of the daughter of one of my closest relatives there is NO way I would have gone. And, there were a LOT of people who declined. The bride and her mom made it quite clear how mad they were that people declined, but the choices the couple made very much influenced whether people attended or not. Only you know your guests well enough to figure out what impact your choices will have on their attendance. For me? Hard no....

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  • Natalie
    Devoted December 2021
    Natalie ·
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    I’m a Hotel Sales Manager that specializes in the social market, so selling wedding blocks is basically my main priority. And even considering that, I wouldn’t pay $250/night at ANY hotel. Honestly, the most I’d be willing is anything that starts with the number “1” (maybe physiological) so $199/night THE MOST. At the prices you were quoted, I’d recommend hotels on your wedding website and encourage your guests to book sooner rather than later. But, the high prices may deter some from attending the wedding.
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