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Beginner October 2019

what would you Do?

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on August 29, 2019 at 3:46 PM

I don't EVER post on here but I am in a real pickle with a close friend of mine and need some advice... Long story short, a friend of mine lives in Texas and is a bridesmaid in my wedding in 36 days and counting. She is supposed to be flying in and staying with me and also making a few things for...

I don't EVER post on here but I am in a real pickle with a close friend of mine and need some advice...

Long story short, a friend of mine lives in Texas and is a bridesmaid in my wedding in 36 days and counting. She is supposed to be flying in and staying with me and also making a few things for me for the day of (our ceremony programs, my guestbook sign, etc)

She recently separated from her husband and was forced to get a job and move out on her own. She also says she has been experiencing kidney issues and has been hospitalized for it. She said she had stents put in and is unable to travel with them, so she bailed out on my bachelorette weekend (this weekend in fact) just two weeks ago! Which I understand why, but this is my thing...

She has not been answering my calls all of a sudden (we used to talk every day) and not calling me back. She hardly responds to my text messages either, even though (Thank God I-phones) I can see that she's read my messages! We have texted a few times recently and she insists that she is coming to the wedding but I am just not sure what to think.

I am running low on time and I do not know what to do. Her dress is discontinued so I cannot ask someone else to get a dress just in case as a fill in, I would need her dress. I don't want to seem unconcerned for her health, because I am, but I feel like games are being played and this is not a time you should be doing something like that...I mean, why are you not returning my calls/texts? Why so M.I.A?

HELP!!!!!!!!

What Do I Do? What Would You Do?

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28 Comments

VIP February 2020
Julie · on August 29, 2019 at 6:20 PM
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This is perfect and everything.
Second only to death of a loved one, divorce is the most stressful things psychologically. Celebrating your wedding, even if she were healthy is probably extremely painful.
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Dedicated July 2021
Karla · on August 29, 2019 at 9:58 PM
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Agree with everything Amber said
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Expert October 2019
Aleaj · on August 30, 2019 at 1:22 AM
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Your friend is in a really bad situation. She has bad health, recently divorced, and in the process of moving. She has a lot going on, so to be honest, she wishes the best for you but being a bridesmaid may be the last thing on her mind right now. I wouldn’t even ask her anymore, just hope that she still attends, and you may have to be short a bridesmaid. At least your friend will still be there, and the show will go on!
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Master October 2019
Jolie · on August 30, 2019 at 9:09 AM
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I wouldn't replace her (it's too late without seeming rude to her and whoever you would ask in her place), but I would plan that the likelihood of her not being able to come for her health and living situation is a possibility. But since she is a member of your bridal party, still include her in your final head count. I think you shouldn't make any friendship ending decisions. I would try to be as firm as possible in a phone call, to get an answer if she is coming or not but also state that you understand if it's something she can't make. If she still insists, and gives you a firm yes then that's your answer!
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on August 30, 2019 at 9:52 AM
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If she’s going through a divorce as well as her health issues, it is probably hard for her to face the idea of going to your wedding when her marriage is falling apart. When you have talked to her, is it always about the wedding, or are you sympathizing with her health issues and her divorce? Sometimes our weddings are at the forefront of our minds and it is hard to accept that it’s not the same for everyone else. Especially now that she has some serious issues going on. I would offer to relieve her of the items she’s supposed to be making for you, and if you can try to spend some time with her. I know it’s hard because your wedding is rolling in fast. But remember it’s one day, your friendship is for life.
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Super March 2020
Concetta · on August 30, 2019 at 10:52 AM
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Hi, I think I would plan on her not coming... maybe she feels to bad to tell you so that is why she isn't chatting much these days. I think maybe just send her a nice message non wedding related to let her know she has your support, but have a back up of what to do incase she really does not come. I am so sorry
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Super October 2020
Renee · on August 30, 2019 at 4:48 PM
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It sounds like her life is getting turned upside down. She lost her husband, house, had to get a job, and on top of all that, was hospitalized. Honestly, if that was happening to me, someone elses wedding would be the last thing on my mind as well. That's an awful lot to go through. My son had to get stints so I know how much that sucks. It's not pleasant. I'm guessing she either thinks you're more worried about your wedding then her or she just doesn't feel like talking. She could very well be depressed and responding to people isn't always easy with depression. She could feel like a burden if she complains about how bad things are with her or maybe she just doesn't want to talk. I feel bad for your friend, I hope things get better for her soon
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on August 30, 2019 at 6:55 PM
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If she says she'll be there, take a breather and trust she'll be there. She has A LOT going on. If i was in the same position as her i'd be getting very overwehlmed if my friend kept calling and texting especially when I already said I would be there.
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