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Katie
VIP May 2014

What to say to a friend who cancels her wedding.

Katie, on June 3, 2014 at 10:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12

H and I had close friends who were getting married about a month after us. On our honeymoon we discovered that she called the wedding off. The groom was H's best friend and I was starting to become closer to his fiance. My main concern is because H is her ex fiance's best friend, she'll think we're not here for her anymore. I want to send her a text to let her know I'm here for her as well, but I'm not sure how to word it. My heart hurts for both of them during this time. What would you send her? Would you send her something at all?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on June 3, 2014 at 12:14 PM
  • Koch Bride
    Master September 2014
    Koch Bride ·
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    I think you can send her a text or offer to get coffee with her. Let her know that the two of you have become outright friends regardless of their relationship status.

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  • Kate
    Master May 2012
    Kate ·
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    I would say something along the lines of "hello friend, I heard you and ______ have had to call off the wedding--I'm so sorry, and just wanted to let you know that we're here for you if you need anything or want to talk. *hugs*" ... or something like that, depending on your personality and hers.

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  • LadyMonk
    Master September 2014
    LadyMonk ·
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    I agree with Koch. It sounds like she means something to you, so you should reach out.

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  • GrayCatVintage
    Master October 2015
    GrayCatVintage ·
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    Given that maybe you do not know the reason for the cancellation, I would ask her to lunch or see if she might want to go shopping with you - something where she can bring up the cancelled wedding on her own. I do not see any reason why you cannot remain friends despite the breakup.

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  • Ashleigh
    Master November 2013
    Ashleigh ·
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    I agree with Koch Bride, let her know (somehow) that you are still there for her. Don't bash the ex fiance in any way. Stay Switzerland. You still have ties with this guy will see him occasionally.

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  • tnovak
    Super August 2014
    tnovak ·
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    Don't shut her out at all. Adults can handle ex's it isn't like we are teenagers and can't stand to be in the same room it hurts but I am sure it will be fine, she needs a friend now anyway.

    Besides, they could work it out. I know FH and I had our rough moments. Heck I think we broke up 5 times in our 13 years together nothing lasting more than two weeks. I even canceled our wedding once 1 month after being engaged.

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  • E
    Savvy May 2014
    Engie ·
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    Definitely send her a message. She will appreciate any word from you. Years ago I was in that girl's place. Called off the wedding. I was friends with my ex's good friend's wife, or so I thought. We'd often go to lunch/coffee together. When the breakup happened, I never heard from her to this day. I was very hurt by it. So if you do care about her any message will do. Calling off a wedding is dreadful and she will appreciate your support.

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  • DisneyNut
    Master October 2014
    DisneyNut ·
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    One of the best lines from my divorce came from my ex's best friend. "Your marital status has nothing to do with me needing you as my friend." We are still friends to this day.

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  • Ashleigh
    Master November 2013
    Ashleigh ·
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    Also, I had a really good friend that broke off her engagement and relationship. We had done most of our wedding planning together. She was my partner for the bridal shows and I was with her when she bought her dress.

    She gave hints of FB, but I sent her a message saying whenever she wanted to talk, I was there for her. She quickly wrote back scheduling dinner a few days later. Although it killed me keeping my mouth shut and not asking, I waited for her to ramble on about her job for 15 minutes before she brought up her broken engagement. I wanted her to feel ready to talk about it and the wine to kick in. But oddly enough, she seems perfectly okay with it. It doesn't have to be awkward, just be there for her.

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  • rusticbride
    Master May 2014
    rusticbride ·
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    I agree with other posters. Send her a message and just let her know you're still there for her. She may be confused as to what your relationship has become now due to the wedding being called off. I know I would be. I'd be the first one to reach out if I were you.

    Break up's sometimes suck when it comes to the friends, and some feel like they have to "break up" with one half of the couple in order to remain loyal to the other (especially if they knew the other half of the couple FIRST). It's a sucky situation.

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  • Katie
    Super June 2014
    Katie ·
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    Let her know you are there for her, but also give her space. She's going to need a lot of love and support.

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  • Katie
    VIP May 2014
    Katie ·
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    Thank you everyone! I sent her a message letting her know I'm here for her and let her know if she wanted to grab coffee to me know. I can't imagine what she's going through especially because her family all lives like 3 hours away.

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