What to do when the parents take over the guest list?

Who's paying for the wedding? Not that that matters but if you and your FH are paying for it then you have more leverage. If it were me I wouldn't have even told them we were starting the guest list or share many details about the wedding if they are going to be so intrusive. I say stand your ground. It may cause drama but if your venue only holds 100...

Well First I would Sit down with both parents and let them know that you want to keep it small. See if they will cut the list down, and maybe say that each can invite 10 or 15 people. I don't know if that would work for you but you should just try to be honest. It works sometimes. Good Luck!

They take over once you let them!

If you really, really want just a small ceremony, then ask the moms to cut their lists down to a certain number. Be specific.

The moms might have gotten caught up in the excitement and started adding people, lol.

First, you and your FH sit down and make the list of people YOU want to invite. Then, see how many spots you have left... and let your parents know accordingly. Be firm, let them know that it is YOUR wedding and you should have first pick of the guest list. Ask them to pick out the people they want there the most of their friends, then ask them to make you a second list of everyone else in order of importance. That way, when you start having negative RSVP's you can start inviting people off of the parent's lists.

If they are helping pay they might feel they have the right to invite just about anyone but you do need to explain to them that you understand they want to share that important moment with everyone but you want to be able to invite those people you are really close with and the venue can only accommodate so many people. Let them know you will allow them to invite some people but for the moment being you don't know how many.

Rachel that is really good advice! thanks for the solution!

It will depend on who is paying the tab. If you are, then YOU can dictate the list.

My ex-husband, his wife and I paid for our daughters wedding. ALL of it. The newlyweds only paid for their marriage license. So, we were able to invite the guests that we wanted to invite. Although, we only added 10 people to the 150 invited. These were actually all friends of mine, whom I am close to.

BTW, all of the guests added, to my daughters list, were okayed by her.....well, except one. A surprise guests from across the country. A long time family friend that she wanted to invite, but didn't as she thought that he would not fly out for it.

He did, and it was a major surprise as she walked down the aisle. The reception photo....

You need to talk to them NOW! If they are paying for it, they get some say- but you need YOUR guests on the list first.

Talk to them about who they want to invite. Family- sure. You understand that (especially if you rarely talk and they are not local). The friends of the parents who have never met you or FH- uh, why? Talk to them about wanting a small and intimate ceremony with the people who are closest to you- not a large wedding with a ton of strangers.

If you are paying they have no say. If they are paying 50% or more then give them a few. Trust me we have the same issue and we are paying for it all. His family wants us to invite his brothers sons mother to watch him at the wedding?

Get the venue you want and make the families work within those limitations. It can get quickly out of hand. So make sure that you and your FS present a united, verbally expressive front on this --your wedding, your guestlist....

Otherwise, is eloping out of the question? I might have done just that--looking back on it.

I kinda think who cares who's paying... Its YOUR wedding no matter who pays. just an example, but my parents would never offer to pay just to have control. and like I said it doesn't matter who pays that shouldn't determine who gets to pick. they chose to help pay (if they are) because they want to, so that doesn't just give them automatic control of YOUR day... with that said. Take control back. make YOUR list, and if there is room pick some people from their lists that You want there.

I like the law of thirds. Third for you, third for your parents and a third for his family. It's fair, and makes sure no one gets run over.

In answer to your question..Take it back.

My fiance and I are receiving some help for our wedding (and if not would simply take out a small loan for what we couldn't afford ourselves) but are footing a large part of the bill ourselves. I invited my family members, my FH invited his and the rest are our friends. I'm sorry, this is my wedding, and in my opinion no one else gets a say in whose coming. My mother asked me to invite one of my uncles who I forgot about, and I added him no problem. But why would I want people there I don't even know. I'm not even inviting a lot of my family...people I haven't seen in 20 some years. I'm not planning an extravagant wedding but I agree with Hayley.

I was starting to wonder if it was a full moon or something because the "crazy" switch just went on for our guest list. We're having the same exact problem. We set ground-rules before any of this and everyone agreed. Well, my parents sent a reasonable list....literally every week my FMIL keeps sending me emails going "I forgot about so and so, you have to add them"....the best part is that all of these people are probably not showing! It's up to 130 invites but we counted 84 definites....The venue can't hold any more than that comfortably, and we're screwed if all these "maybe probably nots" show up! We've cut other friends and family members off the list (my side) to accommodate the limited space, but FH's mom is going way overboard! FH questioned the latest guest and she threw a fit, crying, cursing at him, and hung up on him!

This is getting insane!