What to do when someone asks for a plus one?

I had a friend of mine ask where she could RSVP for her boyfriend (I didn't even know she officially had a bf. I met him once, (they work together and were hanging out in secret since it's not allowed where they work, and were disgustingly all over each other. The guy is alot younger than her and got pretty drunk the night we all hung out, and they ended up leaving early as a result. She also made a point to tell me not to tag her in any of the pics in case people from her job saw them together. ) So I didn't give her a plus 1 because she knows a ton of people at the wedding already. She asked me how to add her "boyfriend " to the RSVP and I was genuinely shocked. I said who's the be? I have him a seat but honestly wish I had said I didn't have the space. I know that's the UO. But for the most part, people that are in relationships get to bring that person.

If there isn't room in the numbers there isn't room! You'd end up not inviting actual friends in order to have boyfriends you've never met, that seems ruder to me...

SO's should always be invited. Some people never get married so it's not fair that their SO is SOL and not invited.

Okay looking at this situation it can go either way. If they recently became boyfriend and girlfriend heck no don't invite them but if it's a situation where they have been dating for a long time or even living together then definitely you have to invite them. Personally I have a hundred first cousins I come from a huge family so I didn't give people plus ones unless they were living with the person or in a long-term relationship with that person. The way I went about it is that if I hadn't met them they were probably not in your life long enough to be invited and placed on my list. I know that this is not the most popular way to do it or it's not the best etiquette way of doing it but it is the most cost effective when you are sincerely trying to accommodate all of your loved ones.

If they know she's in a relationship, she should definitely be given a plus one. Personally I feel everyone should be given one. If some people are getting them and others are not, I think that's very tacky.

We budgeted to be able to accommodate a SO for each of our guests, and double checked about relationships prior to sending out invitations because we didn't want to exclude anyone. If she genuinely didn't know that the guest had a BF, then she should just apologize and extend the invitation instead of giving a plus 1. If she knew and intentionally did not invite the BF, that's really rude and if I were the guest in that situation I would just decline. If my SO isn't welcome then clearly my presence isn't that important to you.

She did know that her friend had a (new) bf....I'm thinking that if you don't want to give an adult in a relationship a plus one, you should probably just not invite them...

^ Don't listen to Imogen or Monica.

If it's a boyfriend they need to be invited as a social unit end of story. It's so rude any other way and not good hosting.

It seems like I disagree with a lot of people in these responses. I went to two weddings without my now fiancé when we had been dating for about 6 years and he had met the people. There’s a lot of money and time that goes into a wedding. I was honored they wanted me there and understood they cannot invite everyone. I am having my wedding soon and invited people without their boyfriend/girlfriend. I don’t want to upset anyone but I also can’t afford to have everyone. I would hope my friends would prefer to come and sit with mutual friends than not be invited at all.

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Kristen, I totally agree with you. A lot of these comments are dated from 2017, when wedding were significantly more affordable. Just like the cost of eggs, weddings have tripled/quadrupled in cost since then. Boyfriends/girlfriends don't need to be invited if the Bride and Groom don't know them personally. Also, I don't understand why having a b-list is so triggering. I've attended numerous weddings as a b-list guest. A-list is usually for the family and B-list is for coworkers and friends. Its common that 20% of wedding guests wont be able to attend so why not fill those empty seats with friends and co-workers? My fiance and I are only inviting people that we both know so if we don't know your boyfriend/girlfriend, they won't be invited...unless we have room via cancelations. Our families are huge and this is the only way we can invite everyone we care about.