Andrea
Master July 2020

What to do in this situation?

Andrea, on July 21, 2019 at 9:10 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25
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Hi everyone,


I am wondering what to do in this situation. I think I'm leaning towards invite, but I would like your insight.


My FH has a cousin who used to be married. During her marriage, she had a daughter. Her marriage has long since been over (can't really delve into reasons why, but it wasn't pretty.) So, now said cousin has been in a long term relationship with her current boyfriend, and my FH's cousin has another daughter who is about 5 now. The older daughter lives with the ex husband, whom we don't plan on inviting because My FH has no connections or relations with him. The younger daughter lives with her mom (fh's cousin and her dad). My question is, should we invite the older daughter even though she lives with her dad?

25 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Yes, she should absolutely be invited.

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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Thank you!!

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  • Wendy
    Rockstar August 2020
    Wendy ·
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    Ok to make sure I didn’t get it confused, she’s 5 right? If so?? Will dad allow her to be invited without him?!! Since you don’t plan on inviting him?
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  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    I would say if you are inviting kids and inviting the younger daughter you should invite the older one too.
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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Hey Wendy,

    Actually the younger daughter is 5, I think the older daughter is around 9 or 10. That's what I am thinking too, like will he allow his daughter to go if he's not invited? It's an odd situation. I am definitely including kids in my wedding but this situation is one of the stickier ones. I asked FH maybe we should just invite ex husband of his cousin. He said absolutely not.

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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Hey Cyndy,

    Yeah I definitely see your pointSmiley heart

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    The younger daughter is 5 and is invited. She's asking about the older daughter. The older daughter would also be with her mother.

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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Yes, the older daughter would be with her mom, and that's where it's like... yeah. LOL. I honestly don't mind inviting the older daughter, since it is Fh's cousin no matter what, but it's the ex husband thing that is the issue. FH thinks that it would be far too awkward since he doesn't talk to the older daughter nor does he talk to her dad whatsoever, the older daughter doesn't even remember my FH but at the same time, how would that look or be perceived if the younger daughter is the only child of the two invited. I don't want to slight anyone, but don't want to step on ex-husband's toes.

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  • Wendy
    Rockstar August 2020
    Wendy ·
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    Oh ok I misread it. I think I would tell mom that older daughter is invited and see if she can talk to dad and if he’ll let her “borrow” her for the wedding...
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    If he doesn't let her, he doesn't let her. At least you tried. If you don't mind me asking, does the mom typically get visitation with the daughter anyway? If so, I don't see it being a problem.

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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Yeahh, that definitely makes sense. Thank you, Wendy!!!Smiley heart

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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Yeah, she does see her daughter as far as I'm aware, how often though, I'm not sure. It's an odd situation between fh's cousin and her ex husband. Very odd circumstances. The ex husband as far as I know is a great guy, and FH has nothing against him but in his mind he just doesn't want him there, he feels he has no relationship with him and it would be out of place for him to attend.

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think it makes sense to invite the older daughter too
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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Thank you, Melle!!

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  • S
    Expert October 2019
    Sara ·
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    Maybe send an invite to the cousin (mother of the two girls) and address it to her, her fb, and both daughters. She can communicate with the older girls father when the wedding is and come with both daughters and the new bf.
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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Hey Sara, that is a good idea. Thank you so muchSmiley heart

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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    I say invite her and let them sort the custody out between themselves
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  • Andrea
    Master July 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Thanks a bunch, Kelly!!Smiley heart

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    I would invite her, but tell the mom I understand if she cannot make it

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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely. But this would be something the cousin needs to handle. You invite the cousin and family and she will be responsible for working it out with the ex to have the daughter there.

    I'm a mother to a 5 year old from a previous relationship and while his dad and I are not on great terms we do have contact with things like this outside of our normal time sharing. I do have primary custody though so that makes a difference BUT if they are on decent enough terms and she has visitation she can work with him on having her there without him being there. If I was him I wouldnt want am invite because I wouldnt want to be around a bunch of people that I have no connections with.
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