What to do about jealous sister?

Let her be a bridemaid and choose another maid of honor?

And your sister needs some counseling b/c she is clearly damaged by whatever environment she was brought up in and has some self esteem issues.

Totally agree with ladylee. Thats the best de-motion you can offer. Other than just flat being outta the wedding.

There seem to be issues here that run deeper than your wedding. I agree with the others that counseling is in order.

I say just talk to her. But taking her from MOH to BM is only going to piss her off even more and make things worse.

I agree with counseling also but I feel a sister to sister talk is worth trying. It might be way over do, I mean REAL talk, talk about growing up, let some of those feelings out, for both of you. Could be the beginning of an excellent healing process As far as your wedding goes, it is a hard thing to demote her. Try the talk, if nothing gets resolved to a point you feel you want her next to you then you're going have to let her know that you want someone else as MOH. Good Luck hon!

Try talking to her first and make her feel special. Let her know how much she means to you, how you want both of you to work on your relationship, that you are sisters for life and both in your 20s and it would be so nice to be supportive, loving, and be able to depend on each other for life. Let her know your struggles. It's not all about that you are the pretty or thin one. Let her know your struggles. Your first marriage and how hard that was. Yes, you are lucky to find a great love now and that you want that for her too.....Let's see how she reacts to that discussion...If she is still being a brat, I would pull her out of your wedding completely.

@soontobewifey....then she doesn't need to be in the wedding period. I'll be damned if I'm walking on eggshells to please my MOH or bridesmaids with their deep rooted emotional issues of the past. Get over it! It's my wedding...either be happy for me or dont be in the wedding.

MrsQpid...Oh how I truly feel what you are saying, I actually had the same "pep talk" with myself a couple of weeks ago. The thing is that this is her little sister who really needs the attention from her big sister along with some counseling, so taking her out of the wedding may be a bit too harsh. I would definitely come up with a way to demote her to bridesmaid though. Maybe start going over the list of duties that a MOH has and thier responsibilities and she just may opt out of the position herself. You never know but its worth a try.

Thanks for all your feedback. I have had serious heart to hearts with her in the past. The thing is, she wants to hear what she wants to hear. I have two 6 year olds that are demanding enough, I don't have time to cater to my sister. I do what I can for her, like the sleepover/movie nights and I try to visit once a week. She says I put her last. She definitely can't be first. She still lives at home with my parents, and they make excuses up for her. I do really love my sis, but I can't handle anymore drama. My first husband took his own life little over 3 years ago and I am still dealing with imature people over that, I don't have time for this late teen angst from her. She really in my eyes, does not deserve to be MOH because of the things she has said to me in the past and hate mail I have gotten from her.

Par2thekin, I think you need to have a MOH that is respectful to you and understand where you are in your life. Part of it may be the age difference along w/the self esteem issues. Hopefully this forum will hope other brides think long and hard about choosing their MOH. I'm not saying this is how it was for you but so many times we see brides picking their MOH "b/c she's my sister", "b/c we've been friends all our lives" when really your MOH should be chosen for more reasons that that. Who's there for you now and will be there for you for your wedding and will support you through it all. Lucky for me that ended up being my sister, we're really close in age and I feel that being at such similar stages in our lives helps us stay close. If you do decide to promote her be prepared for some backlash. I wish you all the best and hope you are able to get this situation worked out.

Me and mr older sister aren't the story book family far from it actually. So my sister is a BM and my bestfriend is my MOH. I know it isn't normal but it works for us.

Counseling is definately in order for her but since she is 21 you can't force her to get it. When she's ready she will. As for your wedding, you need someone that will be by yourside and support you, not bring you down on your day. Try talking to her and letting her know that you can't handle her behavior and if she can't get it under control and be truly happy for you, you will have no choice but to demote her and make someone else your MOH. Just be firm, honest and to the point with her. Maybe she needs that and let her know that YOU don't need her drama...it sounds like you have enough to deal with without her adding to your stress. I know with my little sister (she's 15) sometimes I have to be harsh with her to make her see that what she is doing is completely unacceptable and that she needs to change it. Good luck!

Ok, so this sounds horrible, but maybe just tell her she is the MOH and choose a real one lol i know where you are coming from because we have the same MOH! haha and i have the same problem with her, but shes the jealous COUSIN to me haha so i dont know really. i know she would freak out about being a bridesmaid, because she told me beforethat she "deserves" to be your MOH because she wasnt in your first wedding.

I know she's told me that before too. She doesn't want to be happy for us, because she doesn't have what we have. I am not going to lie to her though LOL! Don't you feel the same way about her? We've given in to her and both made her a MOH giving her what she wants even though she doesn't treat either of us with any respect! I feel bad that she has allowed herself to feel self pity like she has. I guess that is why I am guilted into letting her be MOH!

If you're looking for a way to demote her, tell her, "you know, I was on this wedding forum and I found out that the MOH is supposed to pay for the bachlorette party and plan the whole thing and coordinate with the mothers over the bridal shower and help pay for that, and arrange hotel blocking, and this and that and the other. Can you afford all that? I really don't want to put too much on you, so if you can't, I might ask so and so, since they already offered."

I agree though, it sounds like she needs some therapy to handle her past. Which is exactly what my 21 year old brother is doing now, for the same reason.

Thanks Carmen, that is a good suggestion. We aren't doing bachlor/ette parties, we are just doing a wedding shower, but she was suppose to be in charge of putting that together. It might work.

One of my sisters behaved horribly at my wedding but since then she has tried to make it up to me...the other sister has been in total denial about her behavior and still gives me nasty (so high school- she is almost 40 and single) looks when no one else but me is looking at her...crazy sisters...there might actually be a few in each family....um, thank goodness for friends and DH!!