What now?

I’m sorry for that Kristie. You still have enough time to replace her if you wish to do so. You can “promote” one of the other girls as your new MOH.

BREATH... in out in out, now

Luckily it IS 309 days away.... Tou have time to find a backup.

You might be feeling hurt, lost, betrayed- numb and stunned too, angry. All are okay. And they will roll thru you and that's okay.

Did she she tell you why? Was it a legit reason or a crap one? Is it something fixable? Like she can't afford dress- Can you help cover cost or dies shop offer layaway? Or maybe she can't do the parties? Tell her not to worry you can plan them/have co-planners....

View Quoted Comment She says she cant afford it. I've offered to pay for her dress, let her sleep at my house and I've offered to pay for her airfare (I used to live in Jersey, now I live in Florida). The only thing I haven't done is offer to pay her salary

View Quoted Comment There's something more going on here. If you have been that willing to help, and she is still refusing,it's either a pride thing or she's got more going on in her life- or possibly has a problem w/FH or the friendship now being long distance?

Maybe now is the time to ask her what is going on in her life. And remind her the wedding is a little ways away, money can be saved, you can lend it to her- she canopy you back over forever, and that it would mean alot( if it would) that she be there- in the wedding.

Silly questions: 1) Would she come if she was NOT In the wedding??
2) Would she come if she were a bridesmaid instead oh MOH??

View Quoted Comment Some people can’t take off work. Living paycheck to paycheck not all jobs offer vacation.

View Quoted Comment I honestly think it's the long distance friendship thing. I told her that my wedding wouldn't be the same without her there. I've tried everything I can. She isn't even responding now.

View Quoted Comment I know she is living paycheck to paycheck. I'm not sure if her job offers vacation time or not. I've offered to pay for everything.

View Quoted Comment I get that. But, being so far out there might be a way to work some overtime here and there, or bank money to cover the few days you are gone. If Bride is willing to cover the airfare, accommodations, and dress then it seems to me that w/a little over a Year the MOH can figure out a way to take off the Friday before the Saturday wedding, leaving a couple hours early or even after work, and fly back the afternoon after. NO it's not ideal, but it DOES limit the time one is taking off.

View Quoted Comment That’s is incredibly nice of you. She may feel guilty taking your help or still not able to
taje time off. I would let her know you understand. That if she is able to you would still like her to come to the wedding.

A lot can happen in that time she may have gotten a raise or promoted. She may be with another job.

View Quoted Comment I am sorry there are people that work
full time and can’t pay all bills at one. You do not know MOH situation. You do not know her finances. You do not know if her work offers over time. You do not know if she working overtime and still struggling. You don’t know her bills. I have friends in MOH situation.

View Quoted Comment As do I. And I truly feel for them. I was in this position too....

* That is why I suggested leaving AFTER work- and flying home Sunday afternoon. That way NO time is taken off. *

My mother and my dad/stepmom are in this position. My dad has to come from FL to NY, but he will because he has 400+ days to save for it, and we are covering the cost of his tux, hotel and airfare for him and my stepmom( she has a dress she’s planning on wearing already)... That doesn’t mean the posters MOH is in the same position, just stating that it is a ways out and things COULD be done to try and get there.
You don’t need to be so defensive. I truly get where she’s coming from- I was simply offering poster suggestions- ya know what she asked for?!

Im so sorry you're going through this! Luckily she did it early enough that there is still plenty of time to fill her role. Most likely bachelorette weekend and bridal shower haven't even been planned yet. Hopefully you can find someone new that is equally as important to you!

View Quoted Comment I told my bridal party not to plan a shower or bachelorette party because no one can afford to travel that much

Oh no
I hope that you guys remain good friends though

Honestly, if she’s bowed out gracefully, respect your friendship and let her. Making her feel guilty is why she’s stopped responding to you. As much as she may love you and value your friendship, she may be uncomfortable with accepting that much help from you. I wouldn’t be comfortable with even my best friend offering me that much help, but it doesn’t mean I love her any less.

Sorry that the MOH backed out but I think you have enough time left to make the necessary changes or inclusions. I think while you have the right to be feeling things, your friend was straight up with you. She can't afford it and or keep up with the distance. You have to respect that and give you and her some space to work through the feelings. She's not responsive because it is clear from your posts that you are either making her feel guilty or not understanding her point of view and situation. Try to empathize with her situation, be a friend rather than take on the victim role. While it is super nice of you, she is not obligated to accept your financial help.

300 days to go, you've got enough time to either promote another girl, figure out your friendship with that girl, find a whole new bridesmaid. I just had this happened at 135days and it's all sorted In the end everyone who'll be standing with you will be there!

My FH’s best man and 2 groomsmen also pulled out. It sucks because he’s upset about his friends not being there on his big day but also that he has to replace them. I’m sorry you are going through this! He actually is happier with his second picks than his first so I hope that happens for you too!

You have lots of time to find a new MOH. I’m so sorry this is happening. I can completely understand why you’re stressed!

View Quoted Comment Honestly some people are not ok with borrowing large sums of money. she as respectfully bowed out and explained why. The only choice you have now is to respect her decision and continue to be friends.