What makes someone selfish?

It's all in the eyes of the beholder. One is only selfish if if you believe they are. If you don't let their actions affect you then it's not an issue.

Granted I believe certain people are more selfish than others... But it's just my opinion. I strive to be as self-less as possible... Unfortunately no one is perfect.

Luckily, I read horror stories on WW before I even really asked my girls to be part of our bridal party so I kind of knew not to expect that much from them. I haven't had any problems, thank goodness. Personally, I wouldn't consider any of my BM's selfish, 4 of them have kids less than 1 1/2 so I knew they would have other things on their mind (which was totally fine, I'd rather do things myself anyhow). They are happy they don't need to find babysitters to come do lame DIY with me and I'm happy they aren't thinking I'm a selfish bride.

I think that a lot of brides come on WW with these horror stories that their BM are complaining about an ugly dress or expensive shoes but really, those brides probably don't know any better. I woudln't have if it wern't for WW.

The biggest thing I've learned from WW... no one cares about your wedding as much as YOU do! I've had the mindset throughout my whole planning process not to expect much so I guess I can't really call anyone selfish.

I generally think of selfish as someone not caring that other people are hurt/uncomfortable because of that person's actions. So making choices that will honestly make your bridesmaids uncomfortable, like making them pay $350 for a dress when they set a $200 budget? Selfish. Asking bridesmaids to wear a color dress they don't really like because it's what you've always dreamed of? Not selfish. Just because people's opinions clash with yours doesn't mean you're being selfish. I think it requires actually causing discomfort. At least that's how I'm looking at it

Jenn, I was like you--once I read the whole "no one cares about your wedding as much as you do" thing and "an invitation is not a summons," my outlook changed. Sure, I was disappointed if someone couldn't come to my shower or bachelorette, but I never thought that anyone was being selfish. People have different priorities!

Nicole, that's just it. Just because *I* think someone is selfish doesn't mean they are--my feelings could be biased.

I had a nightmare situation being a MOH so I believe that my expectations are a lot lower than most. I expect my girls to be there the day of wearing a dress the same shade as the other girls. That is pretty much it. I hope for more, but expect just that.

I understand that people have other things in their life more important than my wedding. One of my bridesmaids is a new mom, two are expecting their first children, and one is buying a house. I do not believe that my wedding should take center stage over these things.

Jaimie, the bride that I was MOH for was such a 'Zilla that it strained our relationship for some time. If we weren't related, it might not ever have recovered. She was a wonderful MOH for me, to give her credit. Anyway, I learned a lot about what NOT to do as a bride and I think that brides who haven't been in that situation don't understand the damage that they're doing by expecting too much. Sometimes brides HAVE been in that situation and instead of being kinder to their BMs, they go the opposite route (like "Well, I had to do all these things as a BM and now they better do it for me! I don't care what else is going on in their lives!").

Pretty much, the bride is usually the selfish self absorbed person, who wants everything revolving around her for a day, week, month, year depending on the person.

My wp was awesome, I didn't consider any of them selfish, I let them pick their dress, their shoes, wether they got their hair or makeup done. One couldn't make the jack and jill, one couldn't make the rehersal, one got too drunk at the bachlorette party and couldn't even make it to the bar my FH had to pick her up. All of them were there the wedding and all put some effort into shower or bachlorette or something. None were selfish, I also don't think my demands required anyone to be "selfish"

I see selfish as a lack of character. When you have character you show others kindness regardless of what you can get out of them. Selfish is the opposite. It is assuming everyone is here just to entertain and provide for you because you are the center of the universe.

I typically find that the most selfish people are those that are quick to call everyone around them selfish.

I think that the best way to avoid having "selfish" BMs is to make sure that you only ask people who you dearly love--don't ask anyone out of obligation or because they're good at organizing things or really into crafts. The second thing is to remember that you dearly love them and they wouldn't hurt you on purpose (and if they would hurt you on purpose, why are you friends with them?).

Sometimes brides find out the hard way that their best friends don't actually care for them as much as they thought, sure. That happens. But everytime that I see someone ask whether they should kick someone out of the wedding, I assume that the bride is the problem until I read the post (more than half the time I'm right). If brides could keep in mind that their close friends don't WANT to hurt or disappoint them, a lot of hurt feelings on both sides could be spared.