What elements are common to ww that aren't part of your social circle

Well reading the other day that there are ticket raffles with alcohol that people use the money raised to put towards their wedding was a new one for me!

Also, in real life I've never seen anyone do a proposal box, or been to a wedding with chargers.

It's fairly uncommon here for people to have bridal showers (unless it's in place of a bachelorette party because the bride is pregnant) and engagement parties are less usual within my circle of acquaintances too.

For me:

· save the dates (unnecessary imho) and we don’t use them where I am from, although they aren’t new to me;

· rehearsal dinners – I don’t know anyone who ever had one;

· not including details of a registry or wishing wells – I know Americans find this very low brow but in our circles we actually much prefer guidance from the bride and groom as to what they’d like as a gift

I had never heard of Jack and Jill until I came here.

While it is not UNHEARD of for people to marry young around here, most couples are at the least, late 20s, so honeyfunds *are* normal, and young couples *are not*.

Also, "rustic" as a style is not really workable in NYC. I've never been to a barn, nor a backyard wedding (I mean, most people we know don't even have backyards).

Send-offs/grand exits are also not really a thing.

I lived rural til 15, then large city to 26, from Boston to Seattle, then back rural. I have keep friends from all areas, but find much of the TV wedding uncommon or disliked in both areas, not so much rural vs city. And contrary to what people think, my rural agricultural hometown and current one, everyday ( not superrich) people in their 20's and 30's have more money of their own to spend than these in the city, because of the cost of housing and living in or near east and west coast cities. S people get to their 40's, net worth city vs rural evens out. But rural weddings are less about money. Gifts- very few give money except for a specific object, except older family. It is considered rude to give money, if a friend, co-worker, like you can't be bothered to choose and shop for a nice gift for that person, registry or other.
... Ask for money, and the $200-300 someone planned to spend will disappear, no gift at all, how rude. ...People are more likely to offer their service or time to set up or renovate a home, as a wedding present, or build you something by a crew of friends with more skills than money for gifts. More than 3/4 of friends married for the first time by 26. Couples almost always marry the year before they have children, not have kids then marry. Usually live together a year or two, but tgen pretty much marry or split up. The number of regular church attenders are low, but close to half use clergy of some kind for weddings. More weddings outdoors , or are in public spaces, and in homes, often the home of a grandparent, aunt or uncle with space. ( always, Pre covid. We live in a tourist area, but no such thing as a strip joint exists. Bach and bachelorettes parties are social not raunchy. They may include a weekend in a near local family cottage, but not mini-vacations. For 1 evening plan on $100, 3 day plan $150. Proposal gifts, little gifts and robes, rare. Rehearsals and RD uncommon. B and G and clergy or officiant and music person meet, tell others. At some point in the last 2 weeks, a meal for WP and SO with couple, or each side separately without SO, B and BM and G and GM. When family come from out of town, local family other than the bride's family arrange some family reunion evening or brunch, not done at RD type dinner. Lots less money spent, except for tourists who come to local Inns and drop a fortune.

View Quoted Comment Rebecca- I do live in a rural agricultural are, and what WW calls a rustic decoration rarely exists here. It comes from an interior decorator who sits in an office, I think.

View Quoted Comment I sure hope including details of registries/wishing wells/honey funds is a trend that will hop the pond soon!! I don’t understand how Americans can be so ridiculously outspoken about things they really shouldn’t be, but then couples stating what they truly want/need as a wedding gift is soooo offensive 🙄
It truly makes no sense. Personally, I would much rather a couple simply state we have no need for physical items and would prefer monetary gifts; As opposed to registering for items they don’t even want, because that is what they are “supposed” to do

View Quoted Comment I have had the complete opposite experience! I live in Chicago, and have never once seen a rustic wedding here. My FH’s family is in rural Illinois, Missouri and Indiana, and literally every single wedding we have attended in those rural areas in the past 5 years have been rustic barn or rustic winery weddings. Literally. Every. Single. One. It became so ridiculous and predictable, that FH and I made a game of it – we would place bets on whether the reception would be in a barn, how many chandeliers would be in the barn, how many items would had burlap on it, if it would be greenery and white flowers, etc.

View Quoted Comment A pattern that people assume we have in N N Hampshire, but only if copied off WW and TV. I think meant to be midwestern. And no burlap! Or chandeliers, in a barn???

I'm also in NYC and all the weddings I go to are Jewish.


• Giant wedding parties aren't a thing here. I've seen some threads/photos where people have 14 bridesmaids. That's unheard of to me! We usually just have a handful or just have the immediate family dress up to play that role.

• We don't seem to have rehearsal dinners either. The family may have dinner the night before but it's not this formal, extravagant thing with a rehearsal built in.

• Significant others are only invited if they're long-term. I see on these boards that people say you should acknowledge any relationships regardless of length of time. My fiancé's family has had a lot of weddings, but they didn't start inviting me until 3+ years in when we lived together (and even then I was a B-list invite, everyone else was "no ring no bring"). For our wedding, we're inviting all our friend's SOs since they've been together 5+ years, but if someone starts a new relationship a month before the wedding, we would probably not invite that person.

• No drama about who's going to walk who down the aisle. In Jewish tradition, both parents walk the groom and bride. We'll have to figure this out because my fiancé really wants his parents to walk him, but I prefer to go alone.

Prior to WW, I had never heard of a cake and punch reception. I asked my mom about it, and she laughed and said it was something they used to do “back in the old days“ 😆 Which is my mom‘s way of saying back when she was young lol


Giving physical gifts is also not something common in our circle. Typically, we only give physical gifts for wedding/bridal showers. For the wedding, nearly everyone gives cards with cash, checks, or gift cards.
Having a beer and wine only bar. All the weddings we attend have open bars with all types of liquor as well.
Brides wanting their guests to dress in black tie attire “because it looks better in pictures”.... but don’t have any intentions to host a black tie affair.
People not inviting their guest’s significant others/dates/plus ones. It is absolutely unheard of in our circle to invite half of a couple, or to not extend a courtesy plus one for guests who are not in a relationship.

This isn't exactly your question, but it's what I've noticed the most of.

Prior to getting engaged, every time I have ever been a wedding guests, I have literally never, not once, thought so solely about myself or been offended if I wasn't being 'accommodated' at someone's wedding. I've seen so so many people on wedding wire have such a strong opinion on how other people should conduct their wedding to ensure that the hundreds of people there aren't any bit inconvenienced or offended. To the point where it has nothing to do with the bride and groom and everything to do with the guests.

Everyone in my social circle just plans the wedding they want. Mine may be night and day to another close friend and we still show up and celebrate the bride and groom, because that is the point of the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Oh yes, huge barns with chandeliers are apparently all the rage in the rural Midwest! Sometimes there’s just one, sometimes there are 4-5. The first one I attended looked like it was straight out of the pages of Pinterest, and I thought it was kind of neat- definitely not my aesthetic, but interesting and nothing I had seen before. But then, the next 20+ weddings we attended were all basically the same thing. When FH proposed, I laughed and cried and hugged him and said yes. Then, through my tears of joy, I said “we are not having a rustic barn wedding” 😆

I'm in the NJ/NYC area, and I also have not heard of Jack and Jill's until WW. Well, not in the paid sense. A few people have called their bridal showers that when both men and women were invited, but these were not paid events. I have never heard of using pre-wedding events as fundraisers for the wedding.


Also, in my area, most people give cash as gifts for the wedding. The registry is usually for the shower.
By me, fancy rehearsal dinners in a restaurant are very much a thing. I never heard of the laid back pizza/beer rehearsal until WW. Out of state guests and close friends/ family are also usually invited to the rehearsal dinner.
It's also very common for the parents to have a decent number of their friends at the wedding. My husband's parents have all been to their friends' kids wedding, and that group of people was also at ours. Same with my parents.
Weekday weddings. I've known a few people who have had a wedding on a Friday or a Sunday, but I've never heard of a wedding taking place on Monday-Thursday.

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I mean, when you invite people to an event it's just common sense that you plan something that is not purposefully inconvenient or offensive. It absolutely becomes about the guests when you invite people.

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This isn't so much about offending guests as it is being a good host.

Saying 'forget about the guests! It's our wedding, we'll do whatever we want' is super rude. I'm not going to be super upset/offended about having to attend a wedding with a cash bar, but I'm not going to stay as long as I would if the bar was hosted. I'll also not stick around as long if you don't provide me something to eat if I were vegetarian and there was not even a chance for me to let you know about my dietary restriction.

Ultimately good hosting will lead to a better event because your guests will have a better time and stay longer. That's what the accommodations are intended to be.

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At no point in my wedding will it become about anyone other than myself and my husband lol. Trying to make sure people are enjoying themselves at your event and making your event about them are two completely different things.

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Oh, I wouldn't think "forget about the guests!", or I just would save my money and not invite guests. I agree completely about the cash bar reference - my point is, go or don't go, or leave early or don't, if that's what you want to do. But your being inconvenienced by a cash bar doesn't mean a thing about my being a host. If that makes sense? My point with my original comment is that there isn't this one right way of doing a wedding and a lot of people on here have absurd opinions of how they should be catered to above all else in order for them to attend someones wedding. The same as a dinner party - if I'm invited to have dinner at someone's house, I'll accept or I won't. I won't say "what's the entertainment going to be?" "what are you serving because you know I don't love BBQ" "can I bring my friend, jess? I don't want to come alone?" "only if you provide me with unlimited tequila, I don't drink beer remember?"

My point is only that some people have too many requests and demands to be met in order to attend something they're invited to. I, as a bride, have tried to plan my wedding to be as fun and convenient for my guests as possible. But I, as a guests, wouldn't give a damn either way. It's your wedding and I'd be honored that you wanted me there - it would be hard to offend me. And if somehow you did, I just wouldn't go. That's all!

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But also yes, I definitely agree about the vegetarian food option! You definitely should make sure people are able to eat. My comparison is more about people who think you should serve what everyone prefers (salmon over chicken etc.). Not what people literally can't eat! That would absolutely be rude.

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I'll agree with that to an extent. I think your dinner party reference is pretty spot on though. If I wouldn't do it at a dinner party, I won't do it at my wedding.

If you decide to host a party and not offer alcohol that's fine, but would you charge your dinner guests for beer and wine? That's where I get annoyed at the cash bar thing. Again, not enough to keep me from going, but enough that I won't stay long.

I'm honored to be invited, but I want to make sure that if I'm giving up my weekend to go I'm going to have a good time.

Things that I had never heard of before the WW forums:

Jack and Jill parties, cash bars, cake and punch weddings, bridesmaids paying for their own hair and makeup (in my experience the bride has covered it all 8 times I was a bridesmaid), staging sparkler exits for photos before the reception is actually over, and allowing all guests to bring random plus ones.

Also in my circle, people tend to get married in their late 20s and early 30s. My SIL got married a few months after she turned 25 and all the relatives joke about her having been a "child bride."

It has also been a surprise to see on the forums when people say that Sunday weddings need to be brunch weddings or end earlier. Sunday evening black tie weddings are very common in my circle since we're Jewish and the more observant folks can't have Saturday weddings. Ours was on a Saturday because we're not as observant, but it's very typical for our family and friends to host formal Sunday evening weddings with all the bells and whistles that don't end until midnight (people take off work the next morning).