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Jenna
Devoted October 2018

What does the Grooms family Typically pay for?

Jenna, on July 31, 2018 at 10:37 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 36

Hey WW family!

So I got a little thing in the mail from Mr. Tux and it has like a list of stuff that the brides family pays for and what the Grooms family pays for. However, it is super outdated and looks like it was last updated in the 70's. So I was doing some research on my finances and seeing what I have paid for, what my parents paid for and what FH's parents have paid for. Here is the break down:

My Parents: $4,000 toward Venue

My parents (my daddy) $2,000 photographer

Me: $4500 for honeymoon

Me: $1,200 for my dress

Me:- $330.20 MUA

FH- $229.32 Flowers

FH- $354.74 Chair covers/table runner decor

Me: $320 alterations

Me: $250 on centerpiece decor

Me: $200 misc wedding stuff

FH- $150 STD

Me and FH- $383.74 invitations (We split the cost in half

That's what I can think of off the top of my head at the moment. His mom contacted me not to long ago and said they wanted to pay for the rehearsal dinner, which I was happy with, but my plan was to have the ceremony rehearsal and then go to chili's since we love chili's and the manager know us and our orders by heart. But she wanted it at County line bbq. That's fine, it's not fancy and both sides of the family are meat eaters so no big deal. I wasn't keen on it being further away from the ceremony location, but again I'm not paying so I can't really dictate and I really do love me so BBQ, so I'm willing to drive. We (meaning FH and I) sat down and spoke with his parents if they were willing/able to contribute anything. I gave them a printed out excel sheet that was modified with the last 4 things they we still had to pay for. She said they could help a little with he DJ which is $1,480. She said they would put down $500. But hasn't said anything else and also hasn't paid toward it yet and we spoke to them in Feb. I know families aren't obligated to pay for anything now and days and I am so grateful my parents have been a huge help but I was just curious if any of you guys had any help from your family, or grooms family.

I know on the list it doesn't look like FH has paid for anything but I lost my job in February, I was out of work for 3 months, then I had to put my dog down (He was going to be my ring bearer) so FH covered all house expenses and mortgage so during that time we didn't really pay anything toward the wedding. But we are caught up, I have a great job now and we only have two big tickets items to pay for still and that is $1,480 for DJ and $2,800 for food for the reception.

36 Comments

Latest activity by Tpatb, on July 31, 2018 at 2:13 PM
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    The only help we had was my parents paying for the cake which was $750. The other 22k was paid for by us. H’s parents both passed away when he was young so it was only my side that could help.
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  • J
    Devoted August 2018
    Jillian ·
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    The grooms family usually only does the rehearsal dinner. My future inlaws are paying for the cake because they wanted a specific person to do it and they helped build a few things like cornhole boards, but other than that, it has all been on me and my mom. We even paid for my FH suit/shirt/tie for the wedding because the would only give $100 and it was more like $600.
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  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    Traditionally the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the alcohol.

    But, no-one is really obligated to pay for anything these days. We never asked anyone what they wanted to contribute and we planned the wedding we could afford. Along the way FH mom (his parents are divorced) offered to pay for our cake because she knows the baker and wanted a specific baker, and she offered to pay for the DJ because we got him for a steal when he was running a Christmas promotion.

    FH dad and stepmom offered to pay for our rehearsal dinner. But again, we already had a plan set if they weren't going to offer.

    My parents paid for our venue (well, the rest of our venue since we had already put down the deposit) and the food as well but everything else has been on FH and I as far as decor, outfits, alcohol and any other vendors we had like photographer/videographer/DOC/etc. and thats totally fine.

    We never asked for help because we didn't want our parents stressed for money and payments and we didn't want to add pressure (and a lot of opinions) to the mix. I just didn't feel right asking for help for our wedding so at the end of the day we planned the wedding we could afford and if our parents gifted us money for something we happily accepted.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    In general it would be rude to ask them to pay but since they already offered and just haven’t given you the money, I don’t think it could hurt to politely ask when they plan to give it to you. It should DEFINITELY be your FH that asks them though, not you. Just like “hey I know you said you were going to contribute $500 to the DJ expense, are you still able to do that?” They may have forgotten honestly, or just not known that you need the money yet!
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  • OG Gretchen
    Super June 2018
    OG Gretchen ·
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    I think it's tacky that a company would send you a list of things that people are "supposed to" pay for. Some people don't have living parents or may have parents who are disabled or don't have the means to finance a wedding.

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  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    MY FIL's are paying for the rehearsal dinner and the open bar.

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  • Jenna
    Devoted October 2018
    Jenna ·
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    That's cool that they helped build some stuff though! I originally wanted to build my own photo booth but quickly discovered I am not a good carpenter! lol I have to find that little paper and take a picture of it and post it because it had a lot of items on the grooms side that I'm like does his family really need to pay for that?

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  • Mcskipper
    Rockstar July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    ...whatever they offer to.
    there is no “typical” these days.
    In the old days, the brides family would pay for the wedding, the grooms family would pay for the rehearsal. But now the couple pays for everything unless someone else offers a contribution.
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  • M.M.
    Devoted December 2018
    M.M. ·
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    Your doing well and your very blessed that your parents have paid for parts of your wedding. I would continue to pay for the rest and if they come up with money for the DJ then take it and put it back in the bank to make up for the DJ payment you already paid. When you go on your honeymoon you have more$$$$. My FH and have paid for everything.
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  • Mrs. J
    Expert October 2018
    Mrs. J ·
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    My parents paid for most things and FH and I paid for the rest. FFIL hasn't paid for anything and we also haven't asked him to.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I think traditionally, they just pay for the rehearsal dinner. Then the bride's family pays for everything us. For us, that's how it's going. But I've noticed now it's just more who can afford what.

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  • Happily Ever Mrs. H
    VIP October 2018
    Happily Ever Mrs. H ·
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    The only thing my FH's family was willing to pay for is the rehearsal dinner. My FH's parents are recently separated and starting the divorce process (great timing, huh?), so my FH's dad is paying double utilities for his own apartment and the house he owns with his wife, who is still living there, so money is really tight for them since my FH's mother has never worked a full time job in her life.



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  • Jenna
    Devoted October 2018
    Jenna ·
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    Exactly! I planned a total budget of $20,000 and he and I could afford that, it would be tight but I am good with money so I wasn't planning any more then that. Then when my parents offered to help with venue and photographer, I happily accepted their help, which I am so grateful for that. Even though we could have afforded it on our own, it was nice to not be so stressed about paying everything off. Like you, I didn't feel right asking for help, because I feel like its our wedding, we wanted to get married and do this so I feel like it should be our responsibility.

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  • Mcskipper
    Rockstar July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    We have parent contribution from both sides, but neither is paying for a specific thing. Each just offered an amount of money — more or less the same on both sides.
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  • Jenna
    Devoted October 2018
    Jenna ·
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    I would never outright ask them for money lol His mother is super nice and cool and all but I still would not feel right asking her for money. He is going to talk to his family over the weekend to see if like you said they forgot or maybe they had some issues come up. Regardless, I have been putting aside money from my paycheck to pay for it , if she says they can't afford to contribute. Which is fine, because honestly I wasn't expecting to get any help from either side really.

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  • Jenna
    Devoted October 2018
    Jenna ·
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    Oh my gosh that is horrible timing, I give props to those who have never worked a job. I would go stir crazy, I use to go to work full time , school full time and have a side job on the weekends. Now that schools out and I have one job (thanks to being laid off in feb. from the other job) it has been nice but kind of boring. I think I have reorganized my house 4 times just out of boredom.

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  • KarenO
    Master June 2018
    KarenO ·
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    I don't think anything is considered traditional anymore, or can be assumed. We were lucky that my parents pretty much insisted on covering most of the wedding costs, including the biggest one - the venue. H's dad offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, and did.

    But, also know that with people's money comes people's opinions. We definitely compromised on some things that were important to us because my parents felt differently about them. It still was wonderful, but since they were hosting it, they wanted things their way.

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  • Preslee
    Expert May 2019
    Preslee ·
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    My parents are paying for everything except the rehearsal dinner. His family is doing that. Both were offered though, not expected.

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  • Jenna
    Devoted October 2018
    Jenna ·
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    That's awesome that you parents have paid for some stuff. FH was kind of upset because his family hasn't helped out and in his mind hes the first born, first child of the family getting married so they should pay for stuff. I was explaining to him that's not how that works lol and then when I got this did you know paper in the mail I showed it to him and he was like well that's really old. So I figured I would ask you guys/ladies so I could show him how lucky/blessed we are for getting the help we have so far.

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  • Jenna
    Devoted October 2018
    Jenna ·
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    It came with like a little catalog of their suits and stuff and it was more of a "Did you know" in blah blah blah time. It was pretty interesting to look it over to see how much things have changed.

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