What does price per person mean to you?

^^ why would your guests be responsible for paying you back for everything in your wedding? Your dress? The musicians you chose? Your bouquet and BM bouquets? Those are all extras that have nothing to do with hosting your guests. That's ridiculous.

I'm not saying it's right. I just said that's what I do. And that's what my friends do. I don't expect anything from my guests. I invited them because I want then to celebrate with me. I have a destination wedding so i doubt people will bring me anything since they have to travel and stay for this event. I'm having this wedding and inviting friends and family that I love and I want them to support me at this important time in our lives.

Food and regular drinks it does not include alcohol.

So Kat, if one of your friends had a $60k wedding and 150 people, you would give that person $800 as a gift from you and your fiancé? Even if the actual food cost may have only been $100 per plate? Because that's what you're saying.

It just doesn't make sense that the "rule" refers to everything in the wedding.

Also, how do you all know the cost of each others' weddings? Do you send out a notice to your entire guest list stating your total wedding cost so everyone knows their "share"?

The farther along this discussion goes, the less sense it makes. Short of the couple sending each guest a bill, no one should know (or need to find out) the cost of anyone's wedding.

It's not crowdsourcing. You're having a party. If you get gifts, that's great.

@Kat, thanks for sharing. It is very interesting to me on how different areas of the country do things and consider the norm.

Carebear, I am a little confused. If you go to a wedding, do you actually ask the hosts how much they spent on the wedding ahead of time? Or how much they're paying per plate/per drink?

That's the only way you, as a guest, would be able to "cover your plate." I just couldn't ever ask people how much they spent ... seems kind of rude.

I dont understand how you would know without asking, and that would be rude. I doubt I have ever ginen the price per plate at a wedding I have gone to. I have given what I can afford. I was a skngle mom struggling and went to weddings and gave $20.00.

I dont know the price per person for our wedding since we are just having a buffet. but I dont expect any certain amount from anyone. if they can only afford $10.00 so what I will just be happy that they are there.

Celia, exactly. I don't think this has anything to do with differences among regions of the country. How would guests in *any* region know how much the hosts spent on their entire wedding? It just doesn't make sense as a "rule".

At least with per plate cost, you would have a reasonable estimate based on knowing the venues in the area or be able to look on the venue's website and get an idea of what they charge per plate. Not that I agree with the "cover your plate" thing, but just saying it makes more sense.

To me, it would mean food and drinks (including alcohol). However, I would not expect my guests to "cover their plate" nor do I worry about it when I attend a wedding.

The only place where cost per person was discussed was at the reception venue. I never thought to include all the other costs associated with the wedding in the price per person. So if one does that, where does it end? Do we include our gowns? The cost of the gifts shared with the wedding party? It seems odd to attribute an amount to the loved ones we invite to share one of the most special days of our lives, just sayin'

I always assume 'cost per person' means food/drink, not cost-of-venue or centerpieces.

NYC here. I'm paying per person. Its food/alcohol package that I'm doing. Im doing a sit down dinner which was $100 per person and the alcohol package was $32 per person. No I am not expecting people to know how much i am paying for them nor am I expecting the same amount back as a gift.

@AugustBride, I never asked my friends how much is the actual per person cost. It would be awkward for me to ask them but sometimes they volunteer that info without me asking. I have a standard amount that I usually give which usually cover it but not always. Sometimes I give more than the standard if I know the couple is struggling.

Okay, that makes sense. I usually just estimate the costs like you. :-)

I am from NJ, it depends where you go what is included in your price per person. I chose a venue that had a huge spread of food because that is what I remember most about weddings. There were some florists that include flowers at near the price I'm paying, but not nearly the amount of food.

I decide on my gift on how well I know the couple and if I am in the wedding I give a little more. For me and FH I would spend anywhere from $175 to $300.

Wow I really had no idea anyone did things this way or thought this way. Not judging because I understand it's not like the couple is necessarily advertising the cost or anything, but I have never heard of or given any thought to determining the amount I was going to spend based on the amount that I thought was being spent on me as a guest. I googled the term "cover your plate" just to read up on it and apparently it has just developed over time as something that people do, but it appears the etiquette columns and stuff say it's a myth. Very interesting. Also I never give cash unless someone doesn't register (which has only happened once) and I am really excited about getting the things on my registry and would be disappointed if everyone just showed up and gave me some cash for their food and drink haha. I mean I could use the cash to go out and buy the things on my registry but that wouldn't be as fun.... anyway, just rambling from a Louisiana/Texas girl...

NY raised, but CT bride.. to me price per person means food and drinks (alcohol included). However, at our venue, the price per person includes food, open bar, the venue itself, the centerpieces, and a lot more. It would be hard for me to determine the price/person for our wedding because all of this is included.

Personally, I HATE the cover your plate "rule". After hearing about it I went home and told FH "I don't care if we come out of this wedding not having made a penny. Obviously I refuse to go in debt, but if we don't get a single gift I won't care. If you're invited to my wedding it's because I want you there, not because I want the gift you will give me"

I'm an East Coast girl. I never go to a wedding these days without a cash gift of $150 per guest. That's what I figure the venue is charging per person for open bar, the venue, the food (including cocktail hour). I do not take into consideration the cost of the DJ, Photographer, Bridal Attire, or centerpieces for that matter. I also think that "covering the cost of your plate" is a completely optional choice, although most people do it, it is no way a rigid rule.

When I say "cost per person" I mean the total cost of the wedding divided by the number of guests. However, I've never used it in terms of guests paying their own way- just as a measurement of rationale spending and gifts we received. *If* my guests paid their own way it'd only include food and drink.