What do we do? The best man won't come to our wedding.

Is the Best Man not coming because of Covid, or is something else going on? I think I'd have your FH talk to him and see what's going on. I find it a little odd that a guy is refusing unless he has people in his life that could be compromised then you have to understand and not make him feel bad.

Does your FH have a back up best man?

The only thing you can do is allow your FH to take his time to process his feelings about the best man not attending and then move on. There isn’t really anything else you can do.

View Quoted Comment No it's because of covid. He works as a nurse and doesn't want to infect others or pas infections to others. He has been holed up in his apartment since February and apparently has not gone out or seen anyone since then. He doesn't heven go to the grocery store he gets it all delivered. There is no back up, he has been friends with this guy since they were 6. It's breaking his heart. And also making him doubt having the wedding this year.

View Quoted Comment We were planning on sending invitations Friday but I will try not to talk about it until then. Try to give him some time to figure out what he wants to do.

The healthcare workers we know seem to have a VERY realistic view of the risks of Covid-19 exposure. Unfortunately, I think you have no choice to support this friend's decision -- he's likely seen all too personally the potential risks and his job exposes him to them every day. It sounds like he's being extremely responsible. As a result, your husband either needs to be able to come to terms with the fact that his friend is unable to attend/stand up with him or potentially postpone indefinitely.... Personally, I'd hope your fiance comes to terms with his friend not attending; he could either ask someone else (man or woman -- maybe his dad or an uncle, if there aren't any other friend options) or not have any one stand with him (not that unusual). I'm sorry he's so upset and hope he can come to accept this news. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment

I'm so sorry. On the one hand you have to understand what this friend is going through and I'm sure he has some depression going on and the last thing he wants to do is infect anyone in either direction. With the states slowly but surely reopening, have your FH reach out and take his friend out and start helping him get through this. My guess is postponing is not going to change how his friend feels.

Realistically he’s right. However, waiting for COVID to go away is useless. It’s not going anywhere. So respect his decision, explain to your fiancé that you don’t want to wait another year or two for COVID to disappear and continue on with the wedding.

There’s really nothing you can do. I got married before covid thankfully but we had the groom’s father, brother, a groomsman and a bridesmaid , both long time childhood friends, not come. I wish health was the reason for it. Focus on each other and you’re still going to have a wonderful wedding day.

I agree with pp. it sucks that he won't come but at the end of the day, we can't force anyone to. i'm in a bridal party right now and one of the bridesmaids is an essential worker and she said that she intends to come to everything but at the end of the day due to covid she realistically can't guarantee that happening either. unfortunately with the pandemic, there are reasons that we can't help with if they can't or refuse to come

View Quoted Comment I think I need to just give him a few days, and then get on a video call with the best man and talk things out

Thank you for all the talk. I have no one else to talk to and talking to my fiance right now only ends in arguments. This has made me feel better

View Quoted Comment

This friend's reason for not attending is very reasonable and I would just try to accept it and move on with your planning. Do NOT replace him; friends are not replaceable. It's sad he won't be there and your future spouse has every right to be sad and disappointed. But I would caution you both from taking this personally. The pandemic is affecting everyone.

View Quoted Comment I am not angry or upset that the best man isn't coming. His reasons are all understandable and I don't blame him in the slightest. The problem just lies with my fiance being too upset his best friend cannot be there that he doesn't want to go through with the wedding this year. But for all we know, we will be in the same spot next year.

Why not just have him there Virtually?? This is what we plan on doingFor my fiancé’s grandfather because he has cancer. You can have your DJ set up a TV and do a zoom conference or some thing with him during the ceremony. I think that would make everything work out, because people will understand that he’s a front line worker and understands the risks but still wants to show support

We plan on having the TVs set up right near the front of the ceremony and zooming with our elders that way we all can be together even if you can’t physically touch them. We can see them, they can see us. To me I don’t see any difference for this except making sure that our loved ones stay safe.

View Quoted Comment That's something I will have to bring up to him. Maybe something he will want to do.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I mean it may be the only way to meet everyone in the middle kind of thing ya know. Even if your officiant says a few words explaining that the best man is a front line worker kind of thing it will show support on both sides for everyone and I think even your guests might appreciate that as well. I really hope everything works out. That’s heartbreaking to have a best man back out. good luck to the both of you ♥️

I have seen couples facetime a member of the bridal party on an Ipad or tablet and hold them up so they can be included in the ceremony. Maybe this is something you guys can consider.

I'm so sorry. Being a corona bride is a PITA!!! I agree with everyone else though. Just let your fiance process his feelings. I hope it all works out!

I am an ER nurse and I have recently started socializing safely. I had the exact same thoughts when this all started. Nowadays, my thought is.. if I’m wearing a N95 mask for 12 hours, washing hands properly, wearing a face shield... my chances of contracting the virus from a patient are slim. My chances are much higher if I wear a simple mask at a grocery store where I people may or may not be wearing a mask. We don’t have grocery delivery here. Not everyone will agree with me, and that’s okay.


It sounds like the wedding is a year out, correct? Perhaps if he is still concerned, I would suggest him getting swabbed for COVID shortly beforehand so that he can be sure he will not pass the virus to anyone else. If he wants minimal interaction.. I like the iPad idea. Or stand in for the wedding wearing a mask... and then not be involved with the events after wards? I also would give your fiancé time to process it before speaking to him again.