What did the groom's family pay for? FH is upset with his parents...

Tell him that in this day and age, most couples pay for the wedding themselves. While some parents may choose to contribute to the wedding, it is not required and should not be expected. It sucks that his sisters got more help, but that's life. My sister who got married at 21 had her entire wedding paid for by the parents. FH and I are paying for ours ourselves. That's life.

FH side hasn't offered jack squat. We are doing everything ourselves.

FMIl is JUST now offering to help with the invites.

At this time, couples usually pay for the wedding themselves.

I understand him feeling jaded because of how his sister's weddings were handled but you know what people will say: you guys are adults and no one else is responsible for your wedding costs. The best I could come up with to tell him is to point out what you already said about the bride's family paying. It sounds like his parents are following the more traditional route since they offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner.

His older sister got married 5 years ago and his other sister got married 2 years ago. I think he is more upset about the fact that they told them they could do whatever they wanted with the money. His sisters could have just pocketed the money and spent $200 at the courthouse. I think if his parents would have said, "we are giving you $8000 for the wedding itself" then he wouldn't be upset.

FH's parents paid for FSIL's entire $30,000 wedding. They aren't helping with ours at all.

ETA: He's used to his parents (aka his mom) playing favorites though. She's always gotten preferred treatment.

It sounds like he is just upset his sisters got money and not him. But you are right, typically the brides family pays for the wedding and his parents are probably in that mind set. I know most couples pay for their weddings on their own now. I am thankful that my parents are paying for our wedding. Dh parents are paying for the rehearsal, they hosted the engagement party as well as the bridal shower. They are also getting us canolis for our dessert table. But you can't have him ask for money. You can only take it if they offer. If they don't offer then go ahead and plan your wedding with the money you have at hand.

I can see why he is upset but I think this is a decently standard practice.

FH doesn't have family to contribute. He doesn't speak to his dad and his mom is in a nursing home. Be grateful for what they can contribute. My parents are paying a good portion of the wedding but we are paying a significant amount ourselves. FH is paying for the Rehearsal Dinner because he wanted to keep with the "tradition" of the grooms family paying for it and he is the grooms family.

You tell your FH to be grateful that your family is helping and that his are paying for the rehearsal. You aren't entitled to anything and whatever they can add is a nice gesture. Unfortunately he just has to get over it. And hey maybe they will surprise you with something else.

Tell him to get over it. Traditions like this are out the window.

Tell him to be happy about it. If they pay the get say. My wedding planning was mostly stress free because I didn't have to worry about anybody else input but me and my DH. Paying for your wedding yourself is really a blessing in disguise.

DH's father and step mother paid for the rehearsal lunch and FIL officiated. FIL gave SIL $5000 when she got married. She and her husband chose a simple wedding and used the money for other things. DH didn't expect to get any $ at all, we were both pleasantly surprised when they called to discuss the rehearsal meal (because our location was over an hour away for most of the wedding party I have our rehearsal the day of the wedding and we had a lunch instead of a dinner).

If you are looking at traditional costs and payment, the groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner, the centerpieces and alcohol. As everyone has already mentioned now most couples pay for the wedding themselves. I think as you get older you have to stop expecting your parents to be equal in what they do for each child. There will be times when they will give more to one than the other. You can have to understand that or it will bother you. An example, if one of your SILs has children and the other siblings don't, of course more money will be spent on that person's family. Tit for tat really doesn't work in the "adult" world.

Over the years, my brother has gotten way more money from my parents than I have. Its not tit for tat. He hasn't always made the best choices and they have been able to help him when he needs it. I happen to be much better with my money than my brother is with his. I know I'm not talking about weddings but we are different people with our own relationships with our parents. I know if I needed it they would help me too but I don't.

Yeah I think it's just different traditionally for girls and guys. His parents probably saved and definitely planned for money for both sisters weddings. I would not expect the same amount for the son. Nowadays when it comes to who pays for the wedding, you have to assume that it is the couple unless help is offered (unprompted) from anyone else!

"No Pay no say". Also, while I understand his completely legitimate feelings towards his parents perceived favoritism of his sisters, you are adults and should pay for your own wedding.

Celia, it's not about the traditions, it's about being treated equally by your parents. If those traditions are so outdated, then why not give the son that money too?

I'm not saying anyone deserves anything, but I 100% think he has a right to feel hurt.

My FILs aren't paying for anything, but may contribute to the rehearsal dinner that my parents have so far agreed to pay for. We're paying for everything ourselves otherwise.

That said, this sounds a lot like the dynamic between my dad, his sisters, and my grandparents. Because my dad was a man, they demanded he do things on his own. They shelled out so much money toward my aunts over the years, and my dad always got the short end of the stick. It translated into their relationships with my cousins and my sister and I, too. It isn't fun, and it isn't necessarily right to treat your kids that differently, but it's life.

Maybe their financial situation changed. Maybe the sisters had less money than you and your FH.

I understand I agree that we shouldn't be expecting anything. When we approached our families we asked if they wanted to contribute to the wedding and completely understood if they didn't. We are very lucky to have our families helping. I just don't know what to tell him unfortunately. Life isn't fair sorry?

Frankly, I think it's shitty that they would give to one child and not to the other, everyone saying "well nowadays people pay for their own weddings" have totally missed the point. Again, if that were the case, they wouldn't have given any money to any of their kids. It's actually SUPER traditional how they did it, so it sucks, but no, nothing you can do.

I agree with m - it sucks, but they seem to be thinking of this in the traditional sense. My parents are similar so I sympathize (except they also view anything beyond cake and punch as extravagant).

Depending on when your wedding is, it could also be that they don't feel the need to say more until it's closer.