What about the officiant?

I did not send my officiant an std or invite, and did not invite his wife. Usually they don't stay for the reception. I do believe they get tipped for a job well done. I am having a boutonniere for mine to match groomsmen.

Great question...I'll follow for advice

I sent mine a formal invitation, although I don't think it's necessary. After the rehearsal, we plan on giving him a thank you card with tip and casually inviting him to rehearsal dinner and reception.

He is associated with a church, but I've never gone..? FH thinks we should treat him like a guest, because he's nice enough to be willing to enter the chapel dressed as a Jedi to the Imperial March. I just don't know how to approach it. I feel awkward just handing him money like I would the caterer or such.. I was thinking of getting him a gift card for dinner for him and his wife instead...

If you feel awkward handing him money then send him a thank you card after the wedding with the money inside. I am not tipping anyone at the wedding. I am sending them all thank you cards with the tip inside.

Ah, I like that idea better. Thanks!

I'm a pastor and officiate weddings often.

I don't usually receive an invitation from the couple unless I have a prior relationship with them.

I've only been invited to two receptions for the weddings I've officiated and I haven't attended either of them. I don't know anyone and I'm usually ready to go about my day and finish getting ready for my Sunday services.

If you tip I'd much rather have money than a gift card, but a tip isn't expected.

I've never been given flowers.

I've also never been invited to rehearsal dinner unless again I have a prior relationship with the couple.

I do get thank you cards from most couples often with a picture from the ceremony. I love those and keep them all.

Thanks S! I appreciate your insight!

I asked my officiant if she would like to join us for dinner at the reception the first time we met with her. She said she doesn't ever attend the receptions for her couples, and also said not to bother sending a STD or invite because she already has all that info. Same for the rehearsal dinner. I would tip your officiant, and if you'd like to send a thank you card I'm sure he would be happy to get one!

Vendors do not get STDs or invites.

Our officiant got an STD and will get an invite with his wife and daughter bc he is our pastor so that would be the only exception. He would be invited even if he wasnt officiating.

Rehearsal dinner invite yes as the officiant would need to rehearse for the wedding day with the WP and everyone there. Kind of the point but it could be skipped. People know what to do (generally).

A boutonniere yes would be nice although not necessary. Now that you say we didn't include that in our florist package. So thank you.

Tip yes and if he is a pastor or member of a religious org. instead do a donation to the church.

A thank you card yes if they bring a gift.

Our venue Manager suggested we formally invite our officiant and her husband. We don't know them outside of hiring her to officiate so we thought they'd politely decline but they did RSVP yes which I was surprised about since they won't really know anyone. She is also doing our rehearsal but not coming to the dinner. Kind of a strange situation but not a big deal lol

So if your rehearsal is at a different place than the dinner, you would give them that invitation, though, correct?

I'm trying to basically add up who all needs what. I guess that also begs the question, are you adding the DJ, Photographer, bartender to your catering count?

I feel like this is an automatic yes, because I wouldn't want a hangry DJ, but I want to know what other people do. It's amazing. You go to all these weddings and you never even think about this stuff..

I wasn't sure what the etiquette on this was either, so I'm sending mine an invite addressed to her and her hubby. I was planning on asking my florist to have a flower/bout for her and I bought her a small gift and will be giving her a card with a tip. She is running our rehearsal for us and we are having a BBQ after and I invited them to that as well. I don't know if that's the norm but she has been more than amazing to us and we just wanted her to know we appreciate it.

I think there is a lot of grey area here, and some of it depends on your relationship with your officiant and the type service you've gotten along the way. You may develop a closer friendship with your hired gun than you ever had with the family pastor everyone expected you to use. Ten years out, I still have couples that send me baby pictures and holiday cards, lol.... for other couples, I did what I did and I never hear from them again. Both are fine, and one will start to look like the best route for you.

I don't usually get a save the date, but many of my couples send me an invite. I personally like getting them; they confirm the details of the ceremony once again (you can never do that enough) because I then have the same information as the guests. The invite also gives me more insight into your style which is helpful since most of my ceremonies are personalized. (One couple had a honey and chrysanthemum theme, and both of those are loaded with mythical properties which we, of course, wrote into the ceremony)

. Most of my couples invite me to the reception; I never stay for more than a bit of cocktail hour; I don't know anyone besides the couple and I don't want them to pay for me. That being said, guests ask about readings, and I really don't want it to look like I was rented for 20 minutes. Most of the guests think I've know the couple for years, and blowing out right after the ceremony (though sometimes I have to) is kinda cold.

If he is running your rehearsal, he should get an invite to the RD; he may or may not stay. I don't think it's necessary to invite a spouse or partner. I don't do a lot of rehearsals, but I am always invited (I don't go). While we love you, we don't necessarily have the time to celebrate with you. Same with the actual reception in some cases. It's not personal, lol....

I don't think he needs a bout; occasionally we get them, and it's a nice thought, but not necessary. If he's wearing a robe, there is really no place to put it.....corsages make me feel old. I mean, I am, but it reminds me, lol...

A tip is always lovely (if deserved) though unexpected; a thank you note is polite. Dressed like a Jedi? A big tip and a gushing thank you note. I am a fan of sending tips after any service has been rendered and the dust has settled and you can really consider how things went.

As for the other vendors? You feed anyone who is there all night; DJ, Photog, Bartenders if you hired them and they are not venue staff. MUA's if they stay to do touchups; not everyone does. DOC's for sure. Meals may be in their contracts, and your venue probably will have special pricing for them.

@Julie - I did the same with my officiant inviting him and his wife to the reception, out of what I felt was proper etiquette, and to my surprise they accepted the invite as well. I guess we'll see what happens from there, I assume they won't stay all night and will leave shortly after dinner. But now I wonder if I should tip as well? I had intended to tip, but now I am spending another $120 to feed him and his wife. Still trying to figure that out!

Rule of thumb: Don't treat your vendors like guests and don't treat your guests like vendors. That being said your officiant should not be sent a STD or other formal invites. Their contract is plenty. If they attend the rehearsal it's nice to invite them to the rehearsal dinner. I always thank my couples who invite me to stay for the RD or reception but I always politely decline. I'd rather go home and spend time with my family. Save your boutonnieres for the wedding party and honored guests. Tips and thank you cards are perfectly acceptable. Good online reviews are gold!

Of course, if your officiant is your family clergy or other such relation all bets are off. Best wishes!

I think it depends on your relationship with the officiant. We didn't know our officiant outside of the context of the wedding. We didn't give her a STD or invitation, but we verbally invited her to the rehearsal dinner and reception. She doesn't attend them as a rule so she declined. If you're comfortable with your officiant I would extend the verbal invitation, but I would not invite their spouse and honestly don't expect that they would attend.

I'll go along with what Celia said (typed?).

But, if you do want to invite your officiant to rehearsal dinner or reception -- do it in advance. A last-minute, off-handed invitation after the rehearsal or after the ceremony will usually get a "No, I'm sorry, I have other plans."

And, I can't tell you the number of times that a guest or parent will say, "You are coming to dinner, aren't you?" I don't throw the hosts under the bus by saying, "No, I wasn't invited." I just reply, "No, my husband is waiting for me to come home."

Awesome. Thank you, it's good to read from others, specially from officiants on how you would prefer the situation be handled!

Oh- thanks. Awesome info!