Went from 20 guests to zero in 7 months

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So let me guess your wedding is less than 30 days away and you are still tracking people to come. Shouldn't you be working on the catering at this point. Its past the deadline 3 days. Correct me if i am wrong but im guessing those 100 people were already paid for as far as food is concerned . Im sure you already paid for the venue as well at this point to accommodate them. I have been told by a few people I know that this happened and unfortunately the venue didn't allow them to take any food home and they ended up paying for 75 people who didn't show up. Hey I don't have it like that

Speaking of stress that alone would stress me out that I have to still search for that many people with my wedding being in 3 weeks. my list is no where NEAR that size so yes YOU did make be breathe ALOT easier thanks.

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The point i am making is you cant do catering until you rsvp are complete. I gave them 2 months to rsvp. Once this is complete i will follow up with catering , bakery, etc. which is my case is gonna take time because I dont live in the state I am getting married in. However all my guests does. Wedding cakes you have to put in order at least 3 months in advance. So you do the math.

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I get that but these guest I have were asking me for invitations since last year when i got engaged in june 2019 LOL. I told them not yet i will send in January and they have until March 1 so still giving them time and they all agreed. My list is not large enough to track people down and I refuse to track people down. Now me personally I will not take the final 14 days before the big day to deal with a caterer because for one I need to taste the food first and it takes time to meet and discuss catering options. I am doing this from 3 states away I already have to make a trip in March to check different places for catering and bakeries. So my time is being utilized. My final 14 days will be based solely on traveling and booking hotel for us both

View Quoted Comment No... most caterers you make a contract with them with a range of people that you think will be there and with a date where you must give a final count. I've never heard of waiting to get rsvps to contract a caterer....

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Its fine thanks. I do have a wedding website with the knot already printed on my invitations. As i told others my guests specifically wanted invitations the moment they found out I was engaged which was June 2019. I said no I will send out in January giving them until March 1 to respond as I told others i am doing this from 3 states away which require traveling back and forth 1 time to meet with caterers bakery and applying for marriage license in my home state.

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I wish it was that easy in NJ caterers dont even LOOK at you if less than 50 guests. this is my home state I currently live in wisconsin 3 states away. I am going to nj in march to meet with some caterers and bakery to discuss options. I also like to taste my food first sorry didnt' mean to sound picky LOL. My guests were begging for the invitations since i was engaged in June 2019 lol I told them i will do in January so I was informed by quite a few they cant attend which i am glad because alot of things are refundable if cancelled 30 days in advance. I don't wanna be scrambling for something in May and June if that makes sense.

Thats what we plan to do. We have 3 people who will definitely be there. The most IMPORTANT ONES ARE DECEASED unfortunately my parents and his. I just don't want to spend alot of money when most of the people will not be there and it makes perfect sense to NOT DO THAT. We are a interracial couple if that answers your question. We know for sure the parents would not have a issue its the other family members. So we dont deal with either side.

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In the state of NJ my home state where I am born and raised you need at least 50 guests!!!!!!!!! for CATERING

the venues in NJ you need at least 75 guests!!!!!!!! to GET A CONTRACT

Also here's a story for you:

I have been told by a few people I know that this happened and
unfortunately the venue didn't allow them to take any food home and they
ended up paying for 75 people who didn't show up. These people RSVP properly 2 months in advance and followed the "Rule of Thumb" costs them. I dont want to be another statistic the fact that people are INFORMING me its may things cheaper for me and less stressful i would rather know you not coming now then in MAY or JUNE when 95% percent of things are paid for including you. I'm not paying $2000 for 3 people sorry.

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I am in NJ you do not need 50 people - I can give you a list of caterers we used for our engagement party which was 35 people. I am not sure who is giving you this information but I have thrown parties with all diff amounts of people and have never been told I need at least 50 guests. IF you think only 3 people will come to your wedding, then I would cancel it, but I am not sure why you are thinking that this far out? You still have a month before the RSVP due date, don't give up yet!

I'm getting married in March and just sent out invites. I wouldn't RSVP to a wedding in July yet either.
Even if it's super high on my priority list, I have to make sure nothing unexpected pops up. I wouldn't even commit to a date for my own bridal showers until 2 months in advance.

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You dont need a legit wedding catering company. Have you thought about other foods? Im doing BBQ. So for instants you have to have 20 people to be considered a larger party. Like how companies do lunch ins? 15-20 minimum at restaurants cater. Im not sure what type of caters your looking at but i live back and forth in NJ and you have options just need to open your mind a bit on what type of food and care if its from chipotle or a fancy wedding cater.

I agree with pp that it is way too early to send invitations. I understand that people have been asking for them, you have some people traveling and you want to get an idea of how many people will come. However, people don't tend to plan that far ahead even for weddings.


I think you need to decide what kind of wedding you want. Do you want a big party or a more intimate gathering with those that support you?
I do understand planning a wedding from a far. But I don't think that you should wait to contact a caterer until you have a headcount. I am sure that you can find one that will work with you. It is pretty standard practice to provide an estimate upfront and then a final headcount a few weeks before. This should cut down on food waste. I think you are letting the number of guests you think will come plan your special day.

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I want more intimate with ones that support me. Also your very last statement sounds exactly like me and I'm trying to get out of that and focus on me and my FH.

your statement:

" I think you are letting the number of guests you think will come plan your special day."

Also as I explained to others caterers in nj where i was born and raised you need at least 50 ppl minimum I am in no way near that even if EVERYONE came LOL. I dont want to cook on this also maybe a few things but not the seafood and meat. I will not pay for all that to go to waste either. its kinda like i would like a small wedding with a large wedding feel but i see that would not be logical at all due to the guest list.

View Quoted Comment We tracked down the last of the people just yesterday with the help of family members (with the exception of one family who didn't answer anything so they were marked as a no). It wasn't a huge problem getting information from people. Wedding is February 22 and I sent out the invitations the second week of December with a January 22nd reply by date (partly because I know people suck at responding and wanted time to check in and partly because that's the day our hotel block closed). The 100 people mia weren't paid for yet. Our final count for catering isn't due for a week and a half. The minimum at our venue and for catering is 130 adults. The venue holds 280ish. We invited 260 people because that's what we could afford. We figured we would hit the 130 adult minimum no problem and if not..invite more.

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Great you are from jersey i can relate i have booked the north haledon fire hall in north haledon. now with that being said alot of restaurants that cater in northern nj are italian we do not want italian food. i have guest who dont eat pork, a few vegetarians. Barbecue would be too messy. we were looking for american and halal(muslim) we even looked into family restaurants. I'm going to jersey in march to follow up on this more its not easy as it seems. If its just for me and the FH We would go for a 5 star restaurant in NYC

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And whose to say something still can come up for them as well even 2 months in advance. At least mine told me now so changes can be made to save me money. I have until July.

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What are the list of caterers in northern nj you have I can call. Also the fact that my guests tells me NOW that they cant come i respect because i know a few people who followed the "rule of thumb" sending 2 months early ended up paying for 75 people who didnt show cause things happen and I get that. I dont understand why people are upset because i was made aware ahead of time. I have a list of 10 people no "Formal caterer " for that. Maybe mcdonalds, burger king, or pizza hut sorry this is my wedding we are talking about here.

Are people declining or are they just not answering yet? If they’re telling you they can’t make it than yeah that sucks. If they just haven’t RSVPd yet, I think you’re overreacting considering your RSVP date is still over a month away.

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Ok awesome. my guest list was never that high to begin with. i originally invited 14. 9 of them contacted me informing me a no show and 3 RSVP. My fire hall holds 80ppl cost of fire hall is $900 for the entire saturday,(ceremony and reception is held there) dj cost $500 for 5 hours and catering im starting to look at in March. Now with that being said LOGICALLY it would make sense to cancel. In nj a formal cater minimum is 50 guests and I'm not doing fast food. So yeah you meet the minimum my list is completely micro

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I've gotten declines for 9 out of 14 the other 6 im still debating they will most likely be placeholders. The main thing about this is im glad i was told this NOW opposed to when everthing is paid for in May and June. I live in wisconsin and the wedding is in my home state of NJ where ALL my guests resides so some of the them could not get that saturday off and others had other reasons. I am having a small wedding but wanted a "BIG FEEL" apparently that won't be the case and im glad otherwise i would look really stupid.