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Rosilus
Devoted May 2021

Went from 20 guests to zero in 7 months

Rosilus, on January 29, 2020 at 12:54 AM Posted in Planning 0 52
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Hello all I am getting married on july 11 2020. I already sent out invitations 2 weeks ago. this is a diy wedding. Well long story short been engaged since June 29, 2019. No support from either side of family or attendance. My guest list consist of people who we thought were our friends. Now that we see the reality of things We basically is gonna have a simple ceremony at a beautiful gazebo in south NJ and have our photos at the beach down the shore. I did have a actual venue that I already put a deposit on a few months back but I don't want to pay if people are not gonna show. I pretty decided to give up on all of this and go with just a ceremony with photos and video and a nice dinner at a 5 star restaurant. I am kinda pissed because i made my own centerpieces, decor and Almost paid for a venue and DJ for people who just does not respond to the RSVP. I've talked with the FH and he console me the best way he can but i am still kinda upset. We already have the photographer and videographer paid in FULL. I am thinking of getting the deposit back from the venue and cancelling the DJ altogether. Don't want to waste money. I guess for all the people who are having a large wedding would say I should be happy I don't have such a HUGE EXPENSE right? I don't know if I can look at it that way. However his parents and mine are deceased. Any feedback if this is the right thing to do.?

52 Comments

Latest activity by Vicky, on February 10, 2020 at 2:51 AM
  • Marie
    Savvy July 2021
    Marie ·
    • Flag
    That’s what we ended up doing too. Same thing, no support on either side so the only thing we care about at this point is whatever makes us happy and the heck with everyone else. So we’re going to have a microwedding of like less than 20 people from 150+. We focused on the photographer and canceled the venue, the caterer and the dj. Sometimes you gotta just do you.
    • Reply
  • Rosilus
    Devoted May 2021
    Rosilus ·
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    Yeah thanks alot its just crazy im literally sitting here looking at my centerpieces kinda want to cry but luckily i made them myself and they are not expensive. its just sad but im good thanks for sharing your story good luck and congrats.


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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    I don't understand. Why do you think you're going to have zero guests?

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  • Rosilus
    Devoted May 2021
    Rosilus ·
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    It appears we are not as popular as we thought however we do have witnesses. I kinda think because we are interracial. sad to say but Im black and he is white.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    But why do you think nobody is going to be able to go to your wedding? Your wedding is still 7 months away.

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  • Rosilus
    Devoted May 2021
    Rosilus ·
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    Just a feeling. These people were begging me for a invitation the moment they found out I was engaged i posted the ring on facebook. I informed everyone i would send out in January but I just have this intuition.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    You're "pissed" based solely on a feeling?

    You mention in your post "people who just does not respond to the RSVP". Did you ask people to RSVP already for your July wedding??

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  • Rosilus
    Devoted May 2021
    Rosilus ·
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    On the invitation the deadline for rsvp is march 1 however im just not getting good vibes i already have 9 people tell me now that they will not be able to come for various reasons. so yes its a feeling especially when everyone tells me they wanted to come for 4 straight months and how they can't "wait" to get a invitation.

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  • Rosilus
    Devoted May 2021
    Rosilus ·
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    I have 3 definitely no matter what is gonna be there and 2 of them are my witnesses.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    March 1 is way, way, way too early for an RSVP date. Invitations themselves shouldn't have gone out until about 2 months before the wedding, and your RSVP date should be 2-4 weeks before the wedding. Of course people can't commit to your wedding 4-7 months in advance.

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  • Rosilus
    Devoted May 2021
    Rosilus ·
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    I gave march first because my wedding is mostly diy everything.i have a fire hall reserved (comes with tables and chairs only) March i can work on catering with a definite head count. also I live in Wisconsin and getting married in my home state in NJ. All of these people are already in NJ. I am making a trip in march to visit some restaurants to start that process and have to go back again in July for the actual wedding. With that being said its not too early. I sent 2 weeks ago the deadline is march 1 you have 2 months to decide basically to put in to get the day off a lot of my guest work on Saturdays so they would need to request off which a lot of them stated they would have not problem doing. and I'm already getting answers now. Which is good so I don't have to overspend for nothing

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    No, it's still far too early. Many people are unable to know months in advance whether they will be able to attend an event.

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  • Rosilus
    Devoted May 2021
    Rosilus ·
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    My situation is different again i live more than 2 states away. Im doing this from another state so You cant tell me you can get a caterer one month before your wedding. I also have guests with allergies and vegetarians ok. because my list is so small its difficult for me to get a caterer to begin with. In nj because you need at least 50 guests. So i don't know where you are from but my situation is different and before you know it July will be here.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    I am sorry to pry but why is there no support? Do either of you have friends that can at least be there? Read your contracts and see can you cancel without loss of money. If just you two why not elope to a destination and make it a mini honeymoon w the money?
    • Reply
  • Maggie
    Super April 2020
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    1. Planning is stressful, breathe girl. 2. You still have a full month before you’re rsvp date, don’t cancel things based on intuition. 3. I get that you are stressed, and it is a DIY wedding, but it is really early to have RSVPs in March for a July wedding, even if it’s DIY. If you’re having 20 or so guests, anywhere less than 50 you can get a caterer a few months in advance still. Maybe May rather than March.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    You already sent invitations for your July wedding? Invitations aren’t sent until generally 8 weeks before the wedding. I’m sure your guests will come. They may just have not RSVP’ed yet because they don’t know this far in advance if they can come. I’d give it a few weeks before canceling anything.
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  • Amanda
    VIP December 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    I'll chime in with a few thing's PP's have mentioned. It's too early to be sending out invitation's for an end of July wedding, you probably are not getting RSVP's as guest's think they have awhile to respond. A Save the Date might have been a better option and included the information for wedding website/registry. Typically you do have a 20-30% no response for invitations so you should for sure anticipate some guest's saying no and maybe have a back up list. I really do not believe it is a personal thing for every guest, I would just start inviting friends or other family members in the place of those who have said no. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it is resolved soon.

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  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I agree with other posters. Also, typically you book the caterer well in advance and then give them the final headcount about a week or 2 before the event date. The reality is that people have no idea what they'll be doing 7 months from now. Also, people not RSVPing doesn't mean they aren't coming. I can't say anything about your feeling, but I know the majority of our RSVPs came in within a few days of our RSVP date and there were a few people who we had to reach out to. If you search through these forums, you'll see that people in general just aren't great at RSVPing on a regular schedule, let alone so far out.
    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag
    I had a DW and we sent our invites 10 weeks before and had our rsvp 5 weeks before. Your timeline doesnt make sense. I wouldnt be able to rsvp by March for a July wedding. I can understand why your guests arent overly enthused yet.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert February 2020
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    There are general rules of thumb for when things such as invitations and save the dates should be sent for a reason. Regardless of your wedding being diy and out of state..those guidelines still apply. There's no way I would want to rsvp to a wedding so far in advance. My wedding is on the 22nd of February and I've just now been able to track down all of our rsvps and we're a little over three weeks away. Three days past the deadline there were still 100 people unaccounted for.


    I agree with Vicky..and whoever said to breathe. I'm sorry you're upset but you are making it more difficult on yourself than you need to.
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