Well it happened, uninvited guest

@Maria I'm just offering my experience, just like everyone else. The world could use a little less negativity. And it may not be a UO, but the sister does not sound horrible at all to me to not be invited. Both parties could have reached out when she came into town. Saying that she has a drinking problem is also very vague. I just think OP should really think about this one and maybe even consult with her brothers and parents before making a decision.

I can't even begin to go into detail the awful things she has said and done to me and my mom and other family members. There is not enough space. If she wants to reconcile so bad, she has had opportunity. I have been kind and loving every time I've seen her. I went to hug her a few weeks ago and she turned and talked to someone else. And the only things she said to me were negative remarks. And said nothing about being invited.

I had a good cry at lunchtime. What really stinks is my FH is away on a business trip until next week. I really just want a hug from him. I'm going to talk to my Mom tonight and that will help.

With your updates, OP, I'm changing my $.02. Don't give her the time of day. Cry as much as you need to, but then move on and enjoy your day without a 2nd thought. Sounds like she's the kind of person who tries to stir up drama. Don't let it work. I'd even go so far as to say, block her number and social media so you don't have to hear it.

I like @Penny's wording

Aw OP, I'm so sorry she's making you feel this way. She doesn't even deserve to occupy space in your mind. You clearly do not have a relationship with her, and it really sounds like she only wants to come to your wedding for the free food/alcohol or whatever. I would wait until tonight or whenever your emotions have settled a bit and use the script that previous posters have suggested; "I'm sorry but we are unable to accomodate any more guests, as our final numbers have been turned in."

If she really wants to reconcile the relationship so badly, she can do it on her own dime and her own time. Not yours.

Just remember, hurt people hurt people. Take the good advice you received on here, and move on for your own sanity.

And for those asking, other siblings have said "Is she invited?" and said they support my decision because of her past actions. Lets just say, she would be the reason we would have to secure the card box and hide it.

I feel really bad for the brother that she has basically harassed over the last year about if she's invited. I told him to tell her to contact me if she wants to be a part of my life. I feel she only wants to be there to party. I honestly don't know if she even knows my FH's name.

"I do not have the funds to accommodate her, nor do I want to. I only want people who are loving and supportive of our relationship and want to celebrate the long 10 year road it has taken us to get here."

Honestly I would tell her that. It's straight to the point and it's your honest feelings. I am not a believer in the phrase "blood is thicker than water" I haven't spoken to my dad in 5 years. He will not be invited to my wedding, even after his latest half ass attempt to reach out to me. If your sister being there on your wedding day will not make you happy then do whatever you have to do to ensure she won't be there. It sounds like you don't care to have a relationship with her so, once you're not as upset, respond to her to let her know she isn't welcome. Let your family know she isn't welcome and to not discuss any wedding details with her, especially the location. And if your venue has security then also inform them that she may try to crash, if you think that's a possibility. Just get this handled so that you can go back to focusing on your wedding. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I know just how upsetting something like this is.

Thank you so much for helping to calm me down. I really appreciate it. There is some awesome advice here. I am going to take my time and think and pray about how to handle this.

Just tell her sorry but i have already sent out invitations and given final number (if you have)

As someone who literally is only having 2 people in my family coming to my wedding, I think you need to be firm but with some grace. My family is super toxic, but it was not an easy decision. When justifying it to myself (because whether or not they are toxic and hurtful, they're still family), I tell myself that it's not only my decision. My FH does not want our day to be ruined by them.

It might be a good thing to say, "My FH and I have talked at length about this, and unfortunately we have decided not to invite you to the wedding. We invited the closest people in our lives, and, though I love you as you are my sister, we have grown apart over the years and because of that, we did not include you in our wedding planning. I know that this is disappointing, however, we cannot change anything regarding the wedding at this time. I hope you understand."

"I'm sorry but we have already finished inviting everyone"

And then have a brother or someone close to you designated to be actively on the lookout for her on your wedding day in case she shows up.

This is a hard situation but I would tell her no, full stop with no explanation of whether or not she can be accommodated. As an earlier poster pointed out your wedding is not the time for a family therapy session or to rebuild relationships. If we do not already have one then you do not need to be present. Particularly if you just asking brings me to tears. No, no, no.

I have currently chosen to ignore it and not say anything to her. I will however reach out to the brother that she dragged into the middle and apologize to him for what she's done and thank him for his love and support. He knows what she's like and I don't think he wants her there either. He just wants her to leave him alone.

I think that if she has not been part of your life you should be honest and txt her that you are sorry but she is not invited. Maybe sometime in the future the two of you can find a middle ground an have a relationship but your wedding is def not the place to start.

First, take a few deep breaths. You'll get through this. Weddings, babies, and funerals bring out the good, the bad, and the ugly. As many have said, tell her that she's not invited. We all know it will be hard but your FH will support you. If she does show up, your squad will show her the door because that's why they're your friends and family. Good luck!

It sounds like you guys have a negative history (especially if that text makes you cry). I would just not respond and not invite her.

Do we have the same sister? ?? Haha i understand girl pretty much the same situation besides the drinking!

Give her a call and let her know that your wedding is not the forum to rekindle a relationship but after your wedding you would love to make time to have sister bonding time.

I have an alcoholic family and understand the problem. Simply tell her "I'm sorry, but no." Let her yell and scream and do what they always do and ignore it. It's about what is best for you and you FH and a no drama wedding day is what you deserve.