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Asia
Devoted December 2021

Wedding with no family

Asia, on August 25, 2020 at 12:36 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 46

Hello everyone, So I do not know where this forum is going to go but I’m open to ALL response good bad or ugly. This will be a bit personal but I want you guys’ thoughts. Soooo, first of I have a very small immediate family. Growing up it was only me and my younger brother raise by my now deceased...
Hello everyone,


So I do not know where this forum is going to go but I’m open to ALL response good bad or ugly. This will be a bit personal but I want you guys’ thoughts.
Soooo, first of I have a very small immediate family. Growing up it was only me and my younger brother raise by my now deceased Great- grandmother. Technically, my “family” consisted of me, two brother, great granny, my distant mother and distant grandmother (who we called aunt for so long).)
Well I do not have a good relationship with any of them after the passing of my great grandmother.
It is very likely that on MY side I will have only friends & “family friends in attendance at my wedding. Not to say they don’t agree with the marriage or my FH., we just do not have a relationship and do not talk! My dad is alive but when he heard wedding he clearly thought $$$ as though I would be dumb enough to ask him for anything. So he basically ignored it. My dad has a large family who I do not even know.
I’m ok with them not being there. But I’m more worried about what my FH family would think. Because I kid you not it will only be his family and my friends. I know this is suppose to be a magical day but I’m not too sure how this will even play out. I will be walking myself down the aisle, giving myself away, no dance (maybe dance with my FIL.)
I can completely block it out and focus on the person that matters who will be at the end of the aisle.
Any thoughts?
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46 Comments

  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Thank you. Your response made me feel a lot better. I literally was ok with the not being there but the idea of families coming together was a thought. We planned an engagement dinner in his hometown for the families to meet prior to the wedding so I’m sure we will iron out those things prior to the wedding.
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Lol. I’m sorry if I wrote it weird. I gave you guys a warning up front lol. I don’t know if I was looking for advice or venting. Maybe both. Lol
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Hey Katie,


    Welp sooo I guess that will be my take on it, I don’t think it would even matter at that point. I don’t buy love. So if you Do not add any value in my life I have no problem x’ing them out. But I’m not going to worry too much.
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    You guys make perfect sense. I didn’t think of it that way. Y’all have put it into perspective for me! The ones that really care will be there!
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Yeah i planned to invited my dad but I was no way shape of form allowing him to have any spot light! Lol he likes to take credit for things he didn’t do! Lol 😂 like I said he kinda ghosted when he heard wedding thinking he was going to have to come out of his pocket!
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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Yes!!! So make it all about the two of you.
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    And Raquel no my mom left us with our great grandmother when I was 2years old... she is no longer here. My mom came back when I was 16 my jr yr in high school. Never really had a relationship. My great grandmother had one child her daughter only had one child my mom. My mom left two of us with my great grandmother and our youngest brother with his dad. So literally... it was just us. So at this age when my mom started acting like a psycho I cut her loose. She holds absolutely no value. And like I said her mom (our grandmother) I thought she was a distant aunt until I was in high school. So no physical abuse but mental for sure. I don’t need any negative energy while planning one of the biggest life events I’ll have.
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Hey Jana you are closer to my situation and I agree. I’m just preparing myself for questions that ppl tend to want to pick at! NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS LOL 😂
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    I agree thanks Veronica
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Yes I’m telling you we are a little over a year out and we’ve adjusted the guest list regularly lol
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    Yes it is none of their business. Change the subject if it comes up.
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  • Sharonda
    Super January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    Understood and makes sense. No need to create an issue. Hopefully people won’t make it an issue, and you can enjoy your special day with those you love and love you back!
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Then as long as they’re there .Smiley heart
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  • VIP August 2020
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    Everyone else has already covered that it's fine to not invite your family if you don't want them there. Another side to that is that while it might be a little awkward to have people ask questions, it'll be less awkward than it would be if you had family there starting drama.
    I really just wanted to add that you don't need anyone to "give you away." You are your own person who doesn't belong to anyone. You're walking yourself down the aisle because you want to be there. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I feel you.
    I'm an only child, and my father is the outcast of his family (...I'm cool with that, I know them, I like... precisely one of them.)

    My mother is toxic, she's a narcissist. While she has a large family, most of my generation listens to her, and her lies. (The "kids", less so, but they range in age from toddler to 27.)

    My mother took offense to her name not being on the invitations (she neither paid, nor helped plan), and declined to come. She then guilted the rest of her family into not coming, either. (This was close to 30 people, about none of whom declined with enough time for us to invite more friends. ...Heck, most of them didn't even bother to RSVP. I had to take a wild guess.)

    The only blood relative on my side was my father.

    You're not alone.

    I'm sorry that your family is so distant.

    You deserve to be surrounded by those who support you and love you on your wedding day. Those who know you best, will understand.

    MIL's bio mother hasn't spoken to DH's family in over 25 years. So, they got it. Hopefully, your FH's family will also understand, that some families aren't close, and the healthiest way to be is to ... not be with them.

    We have built what we call a "framily". Friends that are family. Some of this is because we live in the NYC area, where we have a lot of people who moved away from their family, some of this is because we are theatre people, and some people are "orphaned" - literally or figuratively. We take care of each other when we are sick, help raise children, and support each other's art. Blood means nothing - showing up means everything.

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I am completely right there with you! The only family that will be there on my side is my little sister. The rest will be a few friends. Honestly I just had to accept it for what it is and try to make it the most magical day anyways. I have made sure that the few people that I do have coming are the most important to me and support my decision and life. I know that it is tough and difficult to explain to your FILs, but I am adding a few elements to show how excited I am to have all of them as my family now.

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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    That’s great! Thanks for sharing 😊
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Omg Rebecca this is spot on. Yeah I decided to let toxic people go. I love the “framily” Lol. We are both super excited whether ppl come or not but we are sending invitations and have a seat chart. ...they will be sad if they show up uninvited.


    Me and my FH front the entire bill approx $30k so I’m not in the business of inviting just because. If they weren’t on the front brain they are not on my list! I don’t care about filling seats. But I will not let anyone ruin this for us!
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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    Great point! tenor.gif

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  • Asia
    Devoted December 2021
    Asia ·
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    NEEEEEXT LOL
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