Wedding went really bad.....redo?

We really couldn't enjoy it becasue of all the crap that was going on. Let's just say we are not talking to my mother-in-law. She did a lot more stuff that people would never do. She put me into tears the day of and did not even aplogize.

I worked for two years for our wedding, and it was nothing like we planned; it basically looked like crap. Ugh....I don't know what to do. If I knew what I know now, things would have been a lot different.

Christine, I am so sorry that things did not go the way you had planned. Two years is a long time to work towards anything and it must have been very disappointing when it did not work out. Try to hold on to the fact the you are married to the person you love and obviously, people care about you and love you even if they could not be present to celebrate with you. It sounds as if your Mother-in-law will have to be dealt with, but why don't you put that on the back burner for a while and just enjoy being with your husband for a while? As far as a vow renewal ceremony goes, I would hold off on that too, at least for a while. You have done enough planning - it is time to have fun with being a married lady. I wish you all the best. Congratulations!

Hold off and relax. Think about getting money back from the DJ and the cake person if it'll make you feel better.

Disasters happen; we had close to 10 couples scheduled on the weekend of Irene, and while every wedding went off except one) none was what it was planned to be.

At the end of the day, you're married!!! Enjoy it!

The wedding was a month ago, so it's still very fresh in your mind. Revisit this issue on your first anniversary and see if the idea of a renewal is still something that's a priority for you.

In the meantime, I'd suggest you go over some of those vendor contracts. Your DJ should not have left early because he was mad at your MIL. If you were served food you didn't want served, you should have some recourse. If you paid $300 for a wedding cake that you needed to fix, you should speak to the baker. They may agree that your complaints are reasonable, and they may offer a partial refund. That might go a long way in making you feel better.

I'm going to take a different angle.

I think if you want to do a 'do-over' then you should do it!

it's totally your decision. if I knew about the complications you had I wouldn't judge you! people shouldn't anyway.

IMO you could have it right away if you wanted. particularly since so many couldn't make it. why wait? is the wedding police going to show up and give you a violation? it's your choice and your business.

I understand what it's like to be disappointed with things, and maybe looking into another wedding (vow renewal, redo, do-over, whatever) might be some good therapy.

I assume money is going to be a challenge given that you just had a wedding, but you could see about a wedding in a park, stack a few store bought cakes and just do something nice and fun!

besides, you already have a wedding gown! that's a big expense not to worry about.

I say do it again, whenever you are comfortable with and go for it!

I vote a redo as well. You could always do an "elopement" ceremony. Maybe a garden, or roll it into a honeymoon

I'm so sorry to hear about how your wedding went! I agree that maybe you should hold off a little and see how you feel about it a few months from now. If you're still feeling this way next year maybe throw a big party for your anniversary (if you can afford it after paying for a wedding).

But honestly, if you want to have a redo sooner, you have every right to. Like you said, 2 years is a long time to put into something and have it not go at all how you'd hoped.

First off, I am so sorry this happened. You have every right to be devastated. Give yourself some time to accept what it was...and wasn't. Go for it on the redo, but also give yourself time to process the wedding. I means, seriously, it's ok to say your wedding sucked. For lack of a better phrase: it blows that this happened to you. But it was your wedding, warts and all.

Give yourself x amount of time privately for a HUUUGE emotional pity party before you plan a public party to redo the wedding with a vow renewal.

The reason I'm saying this is because maybe in time (ok, a lot of time) your wedding will become something you find funny or cherish but that will happen only after you move past the grief and resentment. That's where you're at right now and that's no place to be when planning a part-tay! Its sucks, it wasn't what you wanted or dreamed you would have, and it seems unfair. Deal with that first, then plan a bash. My heart goes out to you.

I would definitely say you deserve a re-do if that's what you want. Tornadoes are out of your control and I am sure that was a big reason why so many things didn't go the way you wished they would have.

Look at this way -- your marriage has already been tested and you PASSED with an A plus!

It will be a story to tell your children and grandchildren.

I vote for a re-do also. I am so sorry things happened this way. You deserve a re-do for sure, once a little time passes.

I am so sorry your wedding played out the way it did. Given that many people couldn't attend the first one or didn't enjoy themselves if they could attend. I say re-do as soon as you want. It will give yourself and others something to look forward to. People will be more relaxed and you can do what you want and incorporate any things you saw that you wish you had done.

Well I say do it! You tried to do the big wedding. I'm sure in that process you thought SCREW THIS WE ARE ELOPING! do that. Just the two of you on a beach, in Vegas, something different for the two of you. It will be beautiful and simple. Plus you won't have to worry about mil.

I am so sorry I see you're from Iowa, me too! I'd say just you two go somewhere...fun!! make a long weekend and do a renewal, I know it would raise my spirits

I don't think there is any exact time to wait! I am really sorry to hear that so much didn't go as planned. If your vendors left you hanging in such a bad way, and didn't fulfill your contract...I would ask for a whole/partial refund.

May a suggest a renewal destination...I love vacation in Gatlinburg, TN. My husband and I have gone down there a few times now. We stayed in a secluded cabin up in the mountains...with a private hot tub on the deck. Very relaxing and peaceful...just a thought!

I agree that you should do a re-do if that's what you want. That may be the therapy you need to get past all the bad. I would wait a little while since its still somewhat of a fresh wound. Let it heal a bit and then see how you feel. Congrats on being married!

A vow renewal sounds wonderful. But right now it sounds like you are too emotional to make a rational decision. Why not discuss with you DH in details (finances, location) and get his point of view.

I'm not sure what I would do in this situation, except cling to my hubby.

Oh Christine that is awful! Im so sorry that your MIL acted as she did & caused the DJ to leave early and everything else that went wrong. I would be feeling the same way. I agree with the others that you need to go through your contracts and see if there is any way you can get any $ back. You totally deserve the wedding of your dreams!!! I think you need to sit down with DH, figure out how much you could spend if you want to have a ceremony right away or if waiting (even a few months) would be better. Just try focusing on being married to the one you love. I hope things start to look up for you.

I think you should IMMEDIATELY go after those vendors who dropped the ball and obtain a full or partial refund from them. (Then, and this is just me, I'd review them all on every place I could-- Google, Yelp, WW, TheKnot, BBB, etc. The good ones deserve praise for being professional during difficult times, and other couples deserve to know about the bad ones.) But I don't think a "do-over" is a good idea right now, with guests who lost their homes and people still grieving. I know a lot of people do vow renewals on their one year anniversary, but I don't really "get" vow renewals and I wonder if things will have recovered by then. I'd just throw a big party on my anniversary, basically a reception, including a photographer. (Don't flame me for this, people. It's totally your right to do a vow renewal if you want one.)

The DJ may have been well within his rights to leave early. Look over his contract. Is there a clause about harassment/intimidation or anyone interfering with his ability to do his job?