Wedding this Saturday, Grandmother passed away last Sat., and now my Aunts are arguing (cont. in comments)

Stop thinking about them. You can't control what other people do. If she comes, fine. If not, fine. It's not going to ruin your life.

If they aren't arguing with you about it, don't think about it. I don't get in between my aunts and my mom when they argue, they're big girls, they can hash it out.

My mother told me this story. When she was a teenager, either her grandmother or grandfather died, her dad's mom or dad. (I can't remember). Chinese are supposed to stay in mourning for 30 days. Meaning no colorful clothes and no celebrations because it was thought such a dark cloud over us would bring bad luck to others. She had some kind of high school function (dance or whatever) a day after the funeral. My grandfather told her to go. He said if you can't celebrate life especially after a death, then what is it for?

When he died a few years ago, my mom told me the same. She said the one thing grandfather wanted us to do after he died was CELEBRATE. Having a good time would be a way to honor him.

Let your aunts figure it out for themselves. Tell them, as the bride, to stop arguing because time fighting is time wasted when it's already so precious. And because as the bride, YOU GET FINAL SAY! Allow them to each mourn/respect your grandmother in the best way they know how.

I haven't told my FH about their argument because I don't him to feel upset about this. The rest of my family knows about their argument but they have been great. They have called me and told me to enjoy my day and do everything as planned because that's what my grandmother would want.

But I have to admit that I've been feeling guilty and sad that my mom and I were not able to go Puerto Rico for the funeral which was held yesterday and today. I begged my mom to go but she said no because she wanted to be here for me. She's so great and strong but I know that she's heartbroken.

This has been such a rough week.

Let them figure it out. If they try to bring you in "Of course I want you there and if you aren't I'll miss you (pleasing Aunt A), but I completely understand that you feel it would be disrespectful to grandma's memory to come to the reception (pleasing Aunt B)."

Erin they left yesterday.

I'm sorry about everything! just be happy Aunt B will be there for the ceremony, she's probably too sad about your grandma's passing. It's time for your aunts to be together in these situations instead of arguing, remind them you're grandma wouldn't want them arguing. Just try to have them not argue so much over it, if Aunt B doesn't want to go , she can look at your pictures and everything after.

I agree with Claudia. Maybe talk to them and let them know that you love them both and are so sorry for their loss and know they both must be hurting. You can express that although you would love them to be able to celebrate your wedding, you understand that it may be too difficult with the loss of their mother and to please feel comfortable to attend all, a portion of, or none of the wedding that you understand and wish that the timing was better.

Aunt B did ask me if I wanted her to be there on my wedding day. Of course I told her yes but I understand if she doesn't go. I just hate that they're arguing about this.

Claudia and Ashley have expressed my thoughts better than I could have said them. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and I hope things work out for you.

They're arguing because they're upset in general and taking it out on people we love is easiest because we assume we'll be forgiven for things we say in the heat of the moment.

If she comes, she comes. If she doesn't, it's her loss because she'll be the only one sitting in mourning while you all celebrate your love.

Angie, remember the situation with my mom? Her accident was exactly 7 days before my wedding too, and you know how big this family is, right? Everyone was in an uproar, and it frustrated me, but I realized that it was only because they were all frustrated with the situation that had been placed in our laps. Ultimately, there's a loss to deal with and there is no sugar-coating that for anyone, especially you. I know exactly how you feel. Although she's still alive, my mom couldn't be at my wedding either and I felt SO guilty. But your family is right; your grandmother would want you to have the most beautiful and perfect day ever! My mom was hurt and feeling so sorry for herself but she never felt that we should postpone or cancel. The ones that love us the most have our best interest at heart and I KNOW your grandmother will be with you, I promise she will! I LOVE YOU!

You can do a memorial for your grandma at your wedding. This way your aunts wont find it disrespectful that you are having a wedding at such a time. Your grandma wouldn't want her passing to ruin your celebration.

My grandmother died exactly a week before my sister's wedding in November. Although it was really hard to get through the wake on Tuesday, her funeral on Wednesday, then my sister's rehearsal dinner Thursday and the wedding on Saturday we made it through. I was her MOH and during my speech I mentioned my grandmother and got super emotional and then we all celebrated together. I think it helped us to have the wedding because we were all together and had something happy to distract us. I wouldn't let it bother you that they are fighting. They are both probably just really upset and this is how they are dealing with it. I am sending positive thoughts your way!

I will keep them in my prayers that they can find a peace and help you celebrate the way your Grandmother will be while watching over you.

I know this might sound selfish but this is your day. I know your aunts care very much for you, and i get were aunt b is coming from. But if your grandmother was here i know she would want you happy!! Im sorry for your loss! But this is once in a lifetime opportunity, marriage.. a holy union between two people. Theres nothing that should make your family happier than that, try and talk it out with your aunts and explain how this also has affected you. Its no ones fault for your grandmothers passing, they should do what she wouldve wanted if she was here...for you to enjoy your day in love snd happiness with the people you care most about. Good luck girl!

Thank you all for the advice. I'm going to honor my grandmother's memory at the wedding without making it too sad and I'm going to enjoy my day because i know that's what she would want. I'm not going to even mention anything to my aunts unless they mention something to me. 2 more days!

While i understand the loss of your grandma is extremely tough, your aunt needs to be more understanding. this is a wedding! you can't just cancel everything. and I'm pretty sure your grandma would not want you to do that. You can include a small picture charm of your grandma and put in on your bouquet...that way she can walk down the aisle with you i plan on doing that as well for mine. and good luck with everything!!!!!!!

They will both be there. Sisters take their stress out on each other, because they can. Just leave it be, and be thankful for your wonderful mom, and her sisters it's obviously a difficult time for the whole family, so do your best to honor your grandmother by enjoying your wedding day.

Best wishes and good thoughts for you and yours

@Bella, will you be "understanding" when your mother dies? Weddings are important events, but nothing trumps the loss of a parent or child.