Wedding Shock

I feel like as long as you're engaged, it isn't too soon. The point of the engagement is saying "hey, we're planning to get married. Time to sort out this wedding business." If it's not time to plan now, when is it time to plan? I would ask him when he thinks it's time to plan. He may be taking some time to get adjusted to being engaged.

I think it's a man kinda thing 🙍 my FH is the same way ONLY because our wedding isn't till next year and he always says "amber how can I be excited and plan things with you when its a year away"... Whenever he says that it makes me always so 😤😡😠

So I just do the planning myself and a lot of the vendor's I've hired he has no idea about because it's like why even bothered because before he acted like he wanted no part in it.. Sucks but oh well.

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That's true, he's probably adjusting. Maybe I can wait another 2 weeks for a full month. I should also take into account that so far I've only told my side of the family I am engaged and not his side. Maybe after he's announced it. He wants to visit his family in person to tell and I respect that so maybe after I can ask again =3

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I have a feeling when its like 3 months before the wedding he'll start asking questions. But now he cant complain if i'm doing all the work lol Maybe thats why many feel like is "my wedding" not "our wedding" cause one maybe doing more than another.

#Strongbrides

Well, honestly, if he wanted to help he would. I'm doing all of our planning and I'm thrilled
Of course I'll ask his input on things, but for the most part it's me.
I'm a planner by nature...he is not.

Venues fill up quickly, you are right to plan ahead. Happy planning❤

My husband had no interest in planning the wedding. He would have been happy to go to the courthouse. So, he let me do it all since it was all for me anyway.
May first he didnt understand why i was planning so early until he realized how long it actually takes and that vendors get booked up! As we got closer he took more initiative in helping out. Good luck to you, and congrats!

I had the same issue.
It took a month and a half of venue searching and maybe even his mom telling him it would take a year to plan things.
Now he just deals.
And I'm walking into places and they tell me I'm getting first pick of things because we're far enough in advance that everything isn't picked over.

Mine is willing to help but it always feels like it's not so much because he wants to plan our wedding but moreso because he wants to help me. Sometimes it's just not a guy thing

Show him a wedding planning timeline (usually 12-15 months). Buuuuut... you may also want to chat about when you guys want the wedding. Maybe he’d like to take it slower and have it in two years?

My hubby & I just enjoyed being engaged for several months. Then we discussed a spring wedding and when we realized we’d have either a few months to plan, or more than a year, I opted for a year! I didn’t want to be rushed.

For an April 2021 wedding, you ARE starting concrete planning too soon. Most venues will not take a reservation, and many venues and caterers will not even schedule you for a tour, before 15-18 months. And they may completely change their decorating scheme, but not know of their plans this far out. Prices may change,up to 10-15 percent, as they usually guarantee them for only a year, max 15 months. Bridal party is best chosen 9-12 months in advance, or less.
If my FI had started details of planning more than 20 months in advance, I would have broken the engagement. Seriously.
This is a good time to get a good regular etiquette book, with a section on wedding. The library, or a used book store will do. There actually are few rules of good manners for weddings that are different from other ceremonial occasions, but many who have never given a fancy or formal party of any kind need to learn the general principles. When you know what others expect of you, be it friends, family, or vendors, you are better prepared. You need not do the same things as other people. That is fine. But how you do what you do is seen as polite, or rude. And you do not want to regularly do things others think rude without knowing why. So start with that. And deciding the mood or style of the wedding, how formal or casual. And most of all, have fun being engaged without any of the working on details, for a while. Enjoy your engagement.

What ended up/has worked for me is I do so research, which I like, have him pick one of the few I liked. It helps take the pressure off me of totally picking something (product and price) but I still get something I like. We did go to all of our venue locations together! Maybe not ideal but not his priority it’s more being with me than the single day. I appreciate the thought, but I agree sometimes it would be nice to feel like things matter to more than just me! I have a bomb maid of honor that’s amazing which has been helpful too!

I don’t think a lot of guys realize how quickly venues and vendors book, especially depending on the time of year you plan on having your wedding. There are a lot of time sensitive aspects of a wedding, especially if you have your heart set on something in particular. My FH was on board with booking the venue and vendors, but I have been stressed out getting save the dates out as we are 6 months out from our wedding... we are missing some of his family member’s addresses and he doesn’t understand why it is a big deal to get the save the dates out so soon and thinks it can wait a month or two... of note, many of his family members are out of state... most guys need a little encouragement in the wedding planning department

It looks like you still have two years until your big day. Here is my advice: enjoy just being engaged for a few months. Seriously. Stop and smell the flowers, let him tell his family, and soak all of the excitement in. Then, after a few months, start planning. It sounds as if it will be easier on him to process, and you have plenty of time still. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't stop thinking about planning, just work on a Pinterest board to keep you inspired.

I would probably wait until the person I wanted to marry was actually ready to get married before I started planning a wedding.

Some people will never get interested. We get married next week and the only part he has actively participated in is the venue, guest list, caterer, honeymoon, and rehearsal. He does go to appointments with me and pictures. But he doesn't care about the small stuff. Which works for me. That means I get to be as nerdy as I want. My cake is bioshock themed and my wedding March is the prelude to final fantasy 7 🤷🏾‍♀️. He doesn't know any of this but will find out next week 😁. Good luck on everything.

We are having a 2.5 year engagement (engaged 6/7/18, wedding date is 10/2020). As SOON as I got home I had our engagement pictures scheduled and started contacting venues to tour. FH didn't even come with me to 2 of the venues. He was confused as to why we were doing our engagement pics so far before the wedding. I finally stopped telling him things haha. You just do your planning and when you have yes or no questions, ask him. Like "are you ok with having an outdoor ceremony?" if he says no, then say "ok here are 3 venues with indoor, any of these look good?" My fh basically said just bring him things to say OK or NO to. It's frustrating sometimes but honestly I really don't think they care that much. I do make sure to ask "how much do you care about _____?" Like cake flavor (he cares) but color of bout flowers (does not care at all). Does not want to rent shoes, but doesn't care what his suit looks like. Stuff like that helps. If he says he doesn't care about a certain thing, just pick something because he's not going to look back and go "man i really wish I would've said I wanted round ice cubes instead of square ones!" hahaha

It also helped if I talked to him during dinner when were aren't focused on other stuff and I explained why certain things mattered.

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Thank for the info! I think he just needs time. He's getting excited about telling his family soon as he want to tell them in person. Were hoping to travel next week to see him. I'm excited for his families reaction. I'm expecting hugs and tears as they like good news and like to celebrate events

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I'm glad you have picked a maid of honors! I don't have any friend girls so I'm sure if I want any bridesmaids or groomsmen. maybe just mix and match lol

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I like your idea! so far I got a color for the theme and outside wedding lol. I'm sure with your idea I can put this puzzle together soon enough

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I'm going to do that, thank you. I want to plan an engagement party but idk if my family wants to participate. So far my fiance friends want to join and I want my family to join also, even if it's a separate dinner. Maybe Just straight up ask rather than wait for them to plan? I heard it's traditional the family plans. As a couple, we're still getting used to calling each other fiances =3