Wedding reception dinner

This isn’t ok no matter what your reasoning. The dinner is to thank your guests for taking time out of their lives to celebrate with you and witness your wedding. You and your new spouse should be footing that bill.

You don’t do this. It’s incredibly rude.
Host the 20 guests you invite, or narrow your guest list to parents only and take them out to dinner.

Honestly, there is no good way to put it on your invitations.
If you don't want to pay for their meals, I wouldn't have a private dinner. Offering your guests free meals doesn't mean that's what they're coming for. They came to celebrate with you and watch you get married. You thank them for that by paying for their meal.

Additionally -
If you think the 20 closest people in your life are coming just for a free meal, you have bigger problems with those people.
A reception is to thank guests for coming to your wedding and supporting your relationship. You shouldn’t ask people to do that and pay for themselves.

I'd really really really encourage you to reconsider making your guests pay for their reception meals. You're saving so much money already not doing a DW and you have more than a year to save up.

According to Brides.com "the average cost of a rehearsal dinner is $1,330". Your 20-person reception is about the size of a small rehearsal dinner. That's $66.50 per head, and with 18 months left until your wedding, you'd only need to save $74 a month. You don't even need to take them to a fancier sit-down dinner. But please host them properly.

Just plan on hosting the Reception dinner with that same group of immediate family members instead of enlarging it to include friends as well. Then you don't have to worry about them coming just for a "free meal". It's also a thank you to the invited guests that did come to your ceremony. Also, foot the bill. Don't ask your guest to pay if you can't afford to host a Reception dinner of any sort.

I agree with everyone. You can't invite people to your "reception" and have them pay for it. Just do something with both of your parents and that is it.

If you don’t want to pay for their dinner then don’t have guests and elope. I would never, for any reason ask a guest to pay for themselves at any event I invite them to especially my wedding.

View Quoted Comment I love the way she's broken down the math here! I'm going to suggest something a little cheesy, but bear with me. Almost every chinese buffet I've ever been to has had a little party room. Sometimes they open it up when things are hopping, sometimes it's used for family events. See if you you can't use that. Even with overpriced beers it shouldn't be more than $400 max. I realize this is probably no ones dream wedding but it allows your guests to be guests.

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This. If you're only inviting your immediate family members, why the heck do you think they'd only come for a free meal? If you honestly think that and your relationship with them is really that bad, don't invite them.

You have to pay for any reception, which includes taking 20 people out to dinner. That's the thank you for them coming to witness your ceremony. 20 people at a restaurant, unless you pick a super expensive one, will be rather reasonable as far as reception costs go. Our RD was a little over 20 people, we had appetizers, salad, an entree, and cupcakes for everyone, plus alcohol, for like $1600 after tip I think.

View Quoted Comment Agreed^^ Please don't have your guests pay for their own thank you

I don't love this idea but the negativity isn't fun either so I'm gonna try to help brain storm for you. What about a pot luck dinner? Or a food truck? What if you just had like appetizers and didn't have a formal dinner? If all of that is still off the table then maybe tell people instead of gifts they could pay for their food. I'm sure the closest people in your life won't care too much about paying for their own dinner but I would try to make it affordable. Some wedding meals are like $100 a person. I think that's when it would possibly make me uncomfortable as a guest. I'm paying for my own meal and have to pay a lot of money. Maybe make them have options so the prices can be down. I hope you figure it out. I'm sure you've been stressed about it.

A pot luck dinner is a terrible idea. Do not make your guests pay for and/or prepare their own foods.

"My question is how do I word my invitations to make clear that those choosing to join us will be responsible for their own bills?"

Well, the answer is, you don't. You need to pay. If you can't afford this scaled-back guest list, then continue to scale back until you can afford to pay for everyone at the table. Your guests will be there to celebrate you, and you thank them for that with a free meal. That's how it works.

View Quoted Comment -A potluck dinner is essentially asking guests to do the same as paying for their meal. They have to buy the supplies to cook that food.

-Appetizers will only end up cheaper if OP hosts at a non meal time. If she hosts at meal time, it can be more expensive because people will need more apps to be full.

-A gift at a wedding should never be expected by the couple, so asking them to pay for their meal instead of a gift is rude.

There was no negativity in any previous comments. Not all wedding meals have to be $100 per head.

OP: BBQ and Italian are cheap options. Depending on your location, some regional foods can also be cheap. Look into whether an Olive Garden nearby has a private room. Some restuarants will also work to make a menu to fit in your budget. Best of luck!

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Agreed! Having a potluck dinner would be worse than asking your guests to cover their own restaurant meals (and that is pretty bad).

OP, you should figure out a way to cover the full bill at the restaurant. Don't ask your guests to pick up any part of the tab. I wouldn't invite anyone that I thought was just coming for a free meal, if you seriously think some people on your list are like this then cut them from both the ceremony and reception list, you don't need them there.

There are lots of affordable dinner options, including Italian or BBQ. You do not need to host a fancy four-course dinner, something simple, affordable and filling works. Another option may be to have your ceremony earlier in the day and host brunch or lunch instead. These meals are usually cheaper than dinner.

If money is super tight you could hold a cake and punch reception at a non-meal time. Have your ceremony begin at 2 p.m. and then serve refreshments from 2:30-4 p.m. A selection of appetizers, a fruit and veggie platter, some cake or cupcakes and a selection of wine and beer for 20 guests should be very affordable.

Bottom line you need to figure out a way to properly host your guests. If this means cutting the guest list further to parents only, cutting your decor or attire budget, or opting for one of the options above you need to do that. Under no circumstance is it appropriate to pass your wedding costs on to your guests.

Yikes... if you can't properly host them, do not have it there. There is no "right" way to say this.

If you’re only inviting immediate family members, why are you worried they will only come for a free meal? If this a legitimate concern and you know for a fact your family doesn’t care for you and will only attend for a free meal, they shouldn’t be invited at all.

Anyways, you don’t do this. And don’t have a potluck.

Italian and BBQ seem to be fairly inexpensive. You could also host a reception at a nonmetal time and provide lights snacks and cake.

If I received an invitation to a wedding and there was anything on there that said I was responsible for my own meal or that it was a potluck, I would decline the invite.

If you don’t want to pay for their meals then it may be best to not have a dinner at all. Or if you are willing to cover the cost of their meals, maybe look into a cheaper but probably less quiet and intimate restaurant. If you are going to ignore what everyone is saying and do what you want anyways by making them pay for their own you ABSOLUTELY need to make that known. Probably on the RSVP card just **please understand you are responsible for the cost of your meal.
Or
“In lieu of gifts, we ask you to join us for dinner at Xx, please note you will be responsible for the cost of your meal”.
Again, i think it is definately rude and you should just not have a dinner if you’re making them pay for it.

Since you're only inviting immediate family, could you just tell them? Call or text? You could just say "we are having a formal ceremony, and after will head to a restaurant. It won't be catered or anything, so if you want to have dinner with us you're welcome to but it won't be supplied". If they are offended, they shouldn't be invited. It's your wedding and should be done how you want. I'm not sure if you have any budget at all, but maybe you could do a potluck at your house after or your parents house? Or a rental house? Or you could do a cheap catering option, like BBQ or Mexican?