Wedding Party Trouble

May I ask how did they assume? I would directly let her know that you apologize for the confusion but that you have already chosen your bridal party. Does your fh want her boyfriend in his party?

Currently there is nothing you need to do. You really shouldn't pick or ask anyone to be a part of your bridal party until much closer to the wedding. I would recommend about 9 months prior. There is nothing they need to do any sooner. Relationships change over time so asking someone too soon could lead to regret./drama. Also don't let your sister dictate who is in your bridal party. If your fiancé wants his brother-in-law in the wedding that's his choice not yours. The cousin might not even be with the same guy in over three years so why worry about him right now? Just like he doesn't get to decide who is on your side. People should be picked based on who you can't imagine getting married without having next to you/

She assumed because Her husband's name is Ben, their cousin's boyfriend's name is Ben and one of the groomsmen (my friend, and bridesmaid's boyfriend) is also named Ben. She mentioned that having all three Ben's in the wedding party would be confusing and that he should only stick with the Ben's that are in the family but he is good friends with the Ben that is already part of his groomsmen.

He isn't sure because he doesn't want to upset me due to the conflict but he doesn't want to upset his sister either.

That's the issue because him and his brother-in-law do get along but the things that have been said that caused the drama and the not liking each other between me and him have really hurt my fiancee as well, he thinks he should only because of the fact that he is his brother-in-law but he would rather there be disagreement on it with his sister than me. I am not trying to pick his side for him but it would be really difficult for me to have him standing up there for my wedding, he has been part of their family for about a year and the group of my fiance, me, his sister and husband and their cousin and her boyfriend (6 of us) have tried to fix it, the brother-in-law just didnt try and it got pinned on me and my fiancee saying we didn't try to fix it at all, I am not planning on fixing it, I am on good terms with myself and the family other than him regarding the matter.

When my MOH was trying on her dress I invited one of our friends to join us as we had not seen each other in a long while and for some odd reason she assumed she was there dress shopping too. I never asked her to be a BM and I remember telling her it was a small elopement ceremony. When we realized the confusion I spoke to her on the side and apologize for the misunderstanding and explained that our wedding was just my MOH and her husband attending. She understood and was ok because he was okay not buying a dress ha ha.

Either way you have a few options to consider:

1 - Sit with her one on one and just say that there may be a misunderstanding in regards to the wedding party. You really love her and have a good relationship that you hope to keep with her but that you and your fh have already chosen your wedding party members and that you both would prefer to have them attend as guests.

2 - If you feel that step 1 will damage your relationship with her you could choose to add her but you should not add someone out of guilt or obligation.

3 - if she is a level headed person then have the heart to heart and maybe you can have her walk in the procession and sit in the front row or some other task but again do not feel obligated. Soon to be in laws are not guaranteed wedding party members.

I have been doing a lot of research on who should be in the wedding party and i have gotten so many different answers, I don't want to feel guilty for not having her or her husband be a part of the wedding party but having her husband (even though it is not my decision, but my fiancee's) not be a part of the wedding party would bring me comfort. Due to the fact that he spread rumors in the family that me and my now fiancee were breaking up and always arguing (while we were dating) and that we would never last. I want our wedding to be about joy and love and the bringing together of our families, not about some stupid things that happened that quickly ended our friendship the minute it even started. I love his family very much and he loves mine and vice versa but this wedding is about my fiancee and I and the love we share for each other and each other's families, I want it to be a joyous day, not a day of being angry because the person that hates me and my fiancee and I's relationship the most is standing up in the wedding acting like he was always behind us and supporting us. If he isn't supportive, he shouldn't be in the wedding party and fake a smile. In my opinion at least.

You are worrying about this way too soon. Your wedding is over three years away. Worrying about the cousin's boyfriend is crazy. They could very well be broken up three years from now and she could be single or seeing someone else. As for the brother-in-law unless he was physically or emotionally abuse then you need to let go of whatever he said. People say things all the time that you might not agree with, but that doesn't mean you should hold it against them forever. Your fiancé has obviously let it go. Continuing to let it bother you will only cause more drama and problems between you, your fiancé and his family. My husband's groomswoman isn't my favorite person, but never once did I tell him she couldn't be in our wedding because it was his wedding.

I have let it go, I just have chosen to not associate myself with him or his personal life. My fiancee and I tried so hard to fix the relationship and it didn't work because he didn't want it as bad as he told his wife that he did. I have chosen to be comfortable in my own skin and not worry about what he says or does (because the emotional abuse, like you asked about, has not stopped just because I don't talk to him anymore) The only difference is, I am talked about behind my back and to his wife, their cousin and her boyfriend. It is stupid high school BS that I have put way behind me. I am over it, but I do not think that he has accepted that he doesn't affect me and continues to try.

I havn't talked to anyone (except my MOH and my fiancee) about the wedding party due to the fact that my MOH is my cousin and we had this planned out that we would be each other's MOH since we were like 6 years old and nothing with that has changed.

Not sure where you did you research but I think as most brides here would tell you, wedding party members should be your nearest and dearest. People you cannot imagine the day without...sometimes that does not include family. I think you are best to stick with the ladies you currently have but again only add the SIL if you cannot imagine the day without her by your side. If you choose to, her husband and the cousin are not obligated to be in the wedding party. I would assume for the reasons above your FH probably does not care for the husband either because the gossip was about you both. It sounds to me like you would only ask her out of guilt rather you really wanting her there. I can also say this, I have been a bridesmaid many a time and my now husband was never asked to be a best man just because. Even at our minimony my best friend was my MOH by my side and her husband walked her down the aisle but then was a guest as while he and my husband get along well they are not that close. The husband does not get a guaranteed role. If he asks why just state that he has spread rumors in the past and you have not gotten over that.

Have you already asked the sister to be in your wedding? If so, have you asked her for the right reason? Meaning because you can't imagine not having her in the wedding or because you feel you have to because she's going to be your sister-in-law. If you haven't asked her, I would see how your relationship with her continues over the next couple years and if she's really someone you want in your wedding. The fact she seems to be causing drama three years in advance would certainly make me question if I wanted her in the wedding. As for your fiancé, he should also think about who he really wants. Does he actually want the cousin's boyfriend assuming they are still together at the time of the wedding and does he actually want his brother-in-law? If the answer is no to both then he just needs to be upfront and honest. It isn't his sister's place to decide who his groomsmen are.

Is there a reason she is assuming she and all of these other people are going to be in your wedding? Just because you are marrying her brother doesn't mean she is automatically a bridesmaids nor does it mean she can dictate that her husband, cousin, and the cousin's boyfriend are in the wedding as well. You've said you weren't planning on asking her so I wouldn't. I also wouldn't plan on having any of the people unless you fiancé wants them on his side.

The fact of the matter is that the brother in law has spread rumors, which is stupid high school BS so it doesnt really bother me as much as it did in the beginning, i've grown out of gossip. I love his sister and cousin but they are not people i can't imagine getting married without them standing up there with me, due to the fact that our relationship was hindered by the rift between me and her husband, same with the cousin.

She assumed because she is his sister and he is his brother in law and the fact that my fiance, his sister and his cousin are all really close as they grew up 1/2 mile from each other.

No one should ever assume they are in your wedding. That's her problem for assuming. Don't let her pressure you including her or anyone else for that matter in your wedding. If you fiancé wants her in the wedding and you don't then she can stand on his side.

I will gladly have her and her husband sit with his parents in the front row. I understand that his family is very close-knit but this wedding it about us. If his sister wants, she can say something at the reception but her husband has nothing to do with the wedding, he is not getting a speech. As of right now, they have only been together for a total of a year. They got engaged after only a couple of months of dating and were quick to get married. I love her as a sister and we are pretty close but I am not about to include someone in my wedding that didn't believe in the relationship in the first place and tried to break up the relationship the minute we didn't get along. My fiance fully understands and we are going to figure it out closer to the wedding date.