Ok, you and your FH, his parents and yours( together or separately) all need to make the “A LIST”, “B LIST”, & “C LIST”.
“A LIST”= the people you cannot imagine your day without. These commonly include: Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, Aunts & Uncles...
”B LIST”= the people you want there to share the day, but won’t be heartbroken if they aren’t there. These include: Best Friend, Co-workers( close), Cousins/Second Cousins, Neighbors....
”C LIST”= the people that you’d like there if there’s space, and money, to include them. These include: Co-workers/boss, Friends that don’t fall into “A & B”, People you feel obligated to invite....
Once you all have made the lists it’s time to sit down together and look over them.
The names that are on all/several of your lists, like You & Your Parents have Grandma Jane, go into the “A LIST”.
Then it is time to look at who has people that you feel matter.Have a “MASTER LIST” and add the names that are duplicated first, then add the “B LIST” names and so on, until you reach the guest limit/no more names.
Also, you need to figure out if it’s an adults only, 16+ type or are children welcome? Then you need to factor in Plus Ones. And of kids are welcome than you need to add all of the kids who are eating solid food...
Good luck! Hope this helps!
( ps: The part of: ‘together or separately’ after parents, is that a lot of times it makes sense to have each parent do a list vs them do a combined list.)
As with my FH, since we are both older adults( 41 me, 52 him) his mom doesn’t really get that huge a say, but we will take into account some of the people she wants. Same with my side.
FH is a high end lawyer so there will be former clients and other attorneys, as well as judges and political people there( sigh! 200+)- But most of those fall into the “C LIST”( at least where I am hoping they do lol!)
