Wedding Guest list

Since y'all are paying for this wedding, then y'all get ultimate say on the guest list. If 60 is what you can afford, then you divide it in thirds: 20 from your family, 20 from their family, and 20 of the bride and groom's friends. That keeps it fair for everyone. If anyone want's more, then they are responsible for taking on the extra costs of food, drinks, etc. to accommodate the extras. That is very sweet of y'all to pay for the wedding, and for wanting to be respectful and traditional, but don't let anyone bully you into paying more than you can afford.

I would say I can afford 60 and if you want more than that you’ll have to pay for the rest. I’m sure you have a nicer way to put it. My parents aren’t paying for my wedding so I think what you’re doing is so generous as it is and there’s no shame in splitting the bills. Weddings are ridiculously expensive and its really become a big industry lately. Traditionally the brides parents paid but traditionally weddings didn’t cost $20,000!

Let them know that you can afford to host up to 60 guests and if the guest list exceeds that number, the couple will be responsible for the cost. Don't go into debt for a party.

I think you need to be more open to either your daughter and FSIL taking on the cost of extra guests or his family financially contributing if they want to. I think it’s fine for you to say “our contribution will only cover 60 guests” but it isn’t fine to dictate that you’re the only ones allowed to contribute and that the guest list must stay at 60.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with this. It's nice that you're willing to host the wedding... but if the Groom wants his whole family there then those are some pretty big strings attached. I think you should tell them how much you're willing to contribute and they will decide if it's worth it to them to pay the extra for his family.

I advise that you talk to the newly engaged couple! Do not mortgage your house for a one day event. Yes, it's special, but you all can come to agree on another arrangement. Explain to them that you are only able to afford X number of people. They should be able to understand and offer to help out with the cost as well so it's not solely on you and your husband. A lot of people on here actually are footing the bill of their own wedding. It's nice that you and your husband are helping!

View Quoted Comment

I totally agree with this. 20 for his family, 20 for yours, and 20 for the bride and groom to split. If anyone goes over their allotted amount, they are responsible for paying for those guests. Personally, I think it would be pretty disrespectful of his family to expect to be able to invite however many people they want without contributing anything to the wedding.

I think that there is absolutely no shame in saying "Hey we can pay for 60 guests and that it" or instead of putting a limit on the guests say you can pay for the Dress, Venue, DJ or whatever until you've reached your budget and then the rest is on them. Coming from someone who is paying for their wedding by themselves, if my parents offered up and said they would even pay for our food bill (were doing a taco bar that's coming in around $650 for 200 guests) we would be ecstatic!

I would tell them that you can afford to pay for up to 60 people or x amount of dollars and if they decide to go over that number they will pay the difference and/or get help from the grooms family. Its not really uncommon anymore. My parents and grandparents are paying for most of the wedding but there are certain things that they were not willing to pay for or that we wanted to pay for.

I think you should pick a dollar value you can financially manage (do NOT go into debt for this) and tell them that's what you can contribute.

I don't think it's fair to exclude the groom's large family because you feel it's more traditional for the bride's side to pay. If he wants those people there and his family (or the bride/groom) can financially contribute, then please allow them to do that and forgo the tradition (which I think is a pretty ancient tradition, I must admit).

P.s. it's very kind of you that you would even consider remortgaging your home to throw your daughter the best wedding possible... but I am certain she would NOT want that for you.

View Quoted Comment Such a good point!

As a MOB myself, I understand this completely. Our solution was to give our daughter and SIL a total dollar amount we were willing to spend and let them determine how they wanted to spend the money. It turned out FOG wanted to contribute an amount as well. The couple decided they wanted a traditional wedding, and with their total budget (we contributed about 80% and the FOG 20%) they figured out how to best allocate the funds. Based on the type of wedding they wanted, THEY chose a guest limit of 100 people. We have a much larger family than SIL, so about 40% was our family, about 10% was groom's family, and the remaining 50% were the B&G's friends. Because it was what she wanted, daughter and I worked very closely planning the entire wedding, but what they wanted and how they were going to allocate the $$$ available was their decision. Good luck! (I agree with others that above all else, I would ONLY contribute what you can reasonably afford, and not one penny more. A wedding is an optional luxury, your financial stability/retirement/etc. are necessities!)

I agree with the PPs saying you should speak with your daughter and future son in law or his family in terms of financial contributions. it sounds like cutting their list from 100 down to 30 would be hard especially if it's family. it's nice of you to want to pay for it but weddings are not cheap and it feels like if they want that many guests, they should be willing to help contribute towards those costs so that their guests can be accommodated.

i think it's ok to be honest and say you can only really afford up to 60 guests due to costs. weddings are insanely expensive and a bloated guest list is what drives the cost up even more.

You either have to say you can only afford to pay for up to 60 guests and that is all that they can invite, or you ask them for assistance for the additional guests. My FH's family is very large and they too wanted to invite a very large number of guests. We decided, as 2 families coming together, to split the wedding bill. And everyone is comfortable and happy with that decision. I understand the traditional way is for the brides family to pay more (and I believe my family will probably end up paying a little more in the end). But sometimes the other side is willing to step up in order to get things they want. In modern day, it's honestly fair.

I agree with what everyone else is saying! Kindly tell them that you can only afford 60 guests and anything over that is their financial responsibility. Oh, how I dream of having a parent like you! I would be so happy to have my mom pay for the first 60 guests on my list! Your daughter is lucky to have a mom like you! Best wishes and I hope everything goes well for you all! 😊💕

Neither. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Remember this is THEIR wedding, not yours, so, you’ll have to compromise. Tell them you can afford to pay for 60 guests but if they want to expand the guestlist, that’s on them. But you can’t tell them they can’t have the wedding they want because you’ll only pay for 60 and they’re not allowed to seek additional financing, and you shouldn’t refinance your house to pay for a party out of pride alone.

I think what you can do is provide the $ amount that you are comfortable paying total for the wedding, and then their option is to either make that budget work for the number of guests that they feel are necessary, or they can cut their guest list down. I think if you lay everything on the table, they have the option to do what works with that budget. if they want to add additional funds, or his parents are able to contribute then great... but then it doesn’t seem like you telling them they cannot invite family members.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. They have their own needs and wants, also. You can certainly tell them this is how much we can spend and let them come up with the rest.

Idk these days with weddings being WELL over what they used to be back then it's pretty unheard of for just the bride's parents to pay alone. More times than not the couple has to pay as well. You can afford 60, therefore the couple has to pay the rest and ultimately it is also up to them then if they want to seek financial help from his family should they choose to accommodate his entire side of the guest list. It's not a terrible thing; yes, it's non-traditional but if the couple wants to invite everyone there really is nothing you can do about if they ask his side for help also.

View Quoted Comment “Personally, I think it would be pretty disrespectful of his family to expect to be able to invite however many people they want without contributing anything to the wedding.”

While I ABSOLUTELY agree with this notion, and where my head went at first, it doesn’t seem like this is necessarily the case here— so I just want to highlight that distinction for the OP : if he and his family want the guests and are willing to pay for it, it’s important to be willing to consider that. If my parents offered to pay for a 50 person but *only* 50 person wedding , I would respectfully decline the offer as it simply wouldn’t be the wedding that I wanted — this, I think, is the more important thing to consider than “relying” on others’ help. I also think a good solution is to come up with the dollar amount you’re willing to spend and offer that (*for the wedding specifically — I think having that caveat is fine), and the couple getting married can determine their approach from there. It would be rude if SIL wants more guests than you can pay for but won’t pay up, but I think the alternative is also rude: If the wedding they want is with more guests AND they’re willing to fund the additional guests , declining that funding and keeping a hard cap at 60 disrespects *their* wishes ...but I don’t think mortgaging the house is really the best approach for compromise. At any rate, the first step of everything should be the couple deciding together what kind of wedding *they* want.