Soon2BSmith
Expert October 2020

Wedding Cost Anxiety

Soon2BSmith, on May 4, 2019 at 11:09 AM Posted in Planning 1 33
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Am I the only one who thinks about their wedding cost and feels uneasy and nausea? Our budget is 15k and we haven’t even began really spending and I just can’t shake this feeling of uneasiness. My parents are helping largely and don’t mind at all.
I rather elope but having a traditional wedding is very important to my FH, his family, and my mother.
In efforts to compromise, my FH and I were able to get our guest count from 220 to 100. Moved the wedding to a different state because it was cheaper.
We’ve only spent about $1200 right now, and I convinced we should cut our loss and save ourselves.

My FH believes I feel this way because 1. I’m not used to being center of attention. 2. I’m not a wasteful person and $15k for half a day scares me.
Any other brides feel this way? How are you coping with the anxiety?

33 Comments

Latest activity by Kay, on August 19, 2020 at 8:41 PM
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Girl I feel like 6 months to a year ago I could’ve written this post myself hahaha. And our budget is 15k too! It’s actually fairly low for a wedding budget lol but I get it, it’s daunting to spend that much on one day! Originally I said I didn’t want to spend more than 5k but quickly realized that wasn’t possible.

    I’m sure our situations aren’t exactly the same, but the way I was able to get past feeling so overwhelmed by spending 15k on one day, is to seriously just stop thinking about it. I know that sounds silly and simple, but it’s worked wonders for me. Obviously be smart and responsible about the money, but stop reminding yourself “15k on one day!” because that IS an overwhelming thought!

    Theoretically you’ve already calculated your finances and you can afford to spend this much, correct? If you’ve already made that decision, I’d just stick to it and don’t look back. That 15k doesn’t exist anymore and presumably, you’re fine without it. I hope this makes sense to you...

    You can always make more money. You can’t have another wedding (unless you do a vow renewal but I’d still say that’s not the same). I’m not saying a big expensive wedding is for everyone but, you made the decision to have one for a reason. You have to let yourself be ok with it, and remind yourself that that 15k is “wedding money.” Stop thinking about what else you could do with it, because that’s not the decision the two of you made. Just let it go, and let yourself be happy to have what I’m sure will be a wonderful day!
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  • Soon2BSmith
    Expert October 2020
    Soon2BSmith ·
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    OMG you hit so many nails on the head!! And I’m doing exactly what you said, I keep thinking of all the other ways we can use the money. But you’re right, I have stop thinking about it.
    • Reply
  • Tiffany
    Dedicated April 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    This! Lol the day we had to go give our deposit for the venue I asked FH was he sure he didn’t want to go to the court house, we can do a lot with that money.
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  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
    • Flag
    Yes!!

    I’m a financially conservative person by nature and the amount of money we are spending hurts me! I realize not all of it is mine (parents helping for some of it) but even then, it drives me insane that we are spending the much of their miner and we slected a budget and well...haven’t been able to stick to it. I lay in bed endless nights thinking about how to cut corners and negotiate. 🤦🏻‍♀️ My fiancé has tried to make me feel better and remind me we’ll be ok if we go a little over. Since I’m financially conservative, I also made sure it was a budget we could afford to go over on justincase. Even then though, I’m also stubborn and say “we said this was the budget so we have to make it! We have to! Cut $20 here! $40 there!” We had a goal. I like to stick to my goals!
    • Reply
  • Nora
    Expert July 2019
    Nora ·
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    Literally this. Lol So true.
    • Reply
  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
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    The most important thing obviously is that you’re not stretching yourself thin or going in debt over the wedding. We are paying for everything ourselves & we are able to afford it without a problem, but I still can’t get over the absurdity of wedding industry pricing lol. Everything is marked up like crazy the minute you mention wedding. Birthday cake for 50 people costs this much, but wedding cake for 50 people is 5 times more 🤯

    What works for me is to think not in terms: we will spend $x for one day, but instead: we will spend $x for OUR WEDDING. That makes it easier to accept it 😆
    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated October 2020
    beee ·
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    When talking to my financially conservative mother who sounds a lot like you, I always say “you can’t take it with you when you go!” It’s ok to enjoy the money that you make. Someday you may not be able to enjoy it and then what was it all for?
    • Reply
  • Ashleigh
    Savvy August 2019
    Ashleigh ·
    • Flag
    I felt this way when I first started planning. My fiancé was the one who said, we’re only getting married once and we should have the wedding we want to have. That definitely made me feel better but it is tough. Our parents are helping a bit but the majority of the wedding we are handling financially ourselves. We agreed that we wanted to do as much as possible ourselves so that we could say we planned our wedding our way and feel proud to celebrate with our loved ones. The only thing that saved us was paying bits off at a time. I made a timeline of what should be bought/paid for every week rather than paying large sums at once and it worked wonders. Now we have almost everything paid and the process has been so calm and stress-free because we planned early.
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    No I’m the same way. Our parents are helping out a lot. We don’t have a set budget but we are definitely budgeting...ie, looking for a skilled good photographer with the cheapest price. Looking for a beautiful dress but getting it off the rack. You get my point. And I still feel so much anxiety from it all. I think it’s because it’s all only one day and it’s just an overwhelming thought. This is my first and only wedding I have ever had and will ever have, and so this is obviously something I’m “not used to” since it is all new to me, if that makes sense. It’s not the same as planning a birthday party every year if that makes sense.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag

    You are not alone! We never wanted a big wedding. We were thinking like 50 people. Mid planning we decided to do something else instead. We couldn't elope with just the two of us cause our parents would kill us so we decided to just have immediate family and get married in Hawaii and just have a dinner reservation afterward. We will turn it into our little honeymoon trip as well and just kill 2 birds with one stone.

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  • Heather
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Heather ·
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    I am right there with you. I think about all of the other things I could spend the money on. But then I see other people’s wedding photos and I know I want those pictures to look back on and reminisce. Our wedding is about us standing in front of our important people and public ally professing our love. And when I think of it as a celebration of love, it helps to ease some of the tension.
    • Reply
  • Krystin
    Expert October 2019
    Krystin ·
    • Flag

    THIS IS SO ME. We still have more than $4K to pay toward our wedding and we haven't even booked our honeymoon yet. I'm sweating. We have 5 months...

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  • Anna
    Dedicated September 2021
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    I feel the same way! At first I was excited but when I learned that I have to spend over 10000 on our wedding, I got very nervous. Once we set the budget and I realized that we have to save up 20K for the day I literally had a panick attack. For me it’s mostly because I’m paying off student loans and my family can’t afford to help us. Neither can my FHs family. So it’s a huge undertaking for us. We are paying for everything but the rehearsal dinner. I understand that we “don’t have to have” a 20K wedding but with a large family that makes up 80% of our guest list it was hard to avoid. So I still get very nervous, we cut down the guest list, cut out the cake, and other things like DJ but there some things I can’t compromise on like wedding dress or his suit( I work in fashion and I know would just be super unhappy on wedding day if our outfits are not the quality I want). We are really cutting down all of our expenses to save up for the wedding.
    But I understand the feeling, it’s almost a down payment on a house 😱 do you have a budget spreadsheet? Maybe that will help you feel more in control.
    • Reply
  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
    • Flag
    Yes buying flowers from Etsy helped a ton. Only doing wedding for 5 hours.
    • Reply
  • Future Mrs.greenwood
    Expert September 2019
    Future Mrs.greenwood ·
    • Flag
    Nope not at all. I was super excited at first but just not so much when I know I have to pay all this money out .. I keep having dreams like what if it don’t look like how I picture it bc I know I’m going to be upset if it doesn’t.....We trying to pay out of pocket FH hours been cut, he is experiencing racism at work , I’m telling Him to hold on until after the wedding he refused has since then been looking for another job . I’m good but at the same time don’t want all the weight/stress on me since I’m doing all of the planning, things have been crazy so I cant wait until it’s all over ... I reduced my budget but somehow it is back up to where it started a little under yours .. I have been staying
    prayed up and keeping positive about it all.. I have my days too though.
    • Reply
  • Jenelle
    Beginner August 2020
    Jenelle ·
    • Flag
    Wow I so relate to this!! I'm a super saver, so spending this much money is so stressful for me!!! I've even been brought to tears over it!! The thing that has helped me most is downloading a budgeting app to help with my day-to-day expenses- I dont know if it makes a difference, but it makes me feel more in control!
    • Reply
  • Soon2BSmith
    Expert October 2020
    Soon2BSmith ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Right! Like this can a house down payment for a second house. Lol
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy November 2019
    Jennifer ·
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    Oh I remember when I thought I would be able to do this wedding with 15k::sigh::
    I ’m 6 months out and I’m way pass 15k sadly I’ve actually given up tracking anything 😫
    • Reply
  • Summer
    Dedicated June 2019
    Summer ·
    • Flag

    We are paying for our wedding ourselves and I understand the anxiety. I have found a lot of ways to cut costs so that I don't feel as though I am spending an exuberant amount on one day. Maybe switching to that perspective may help. You are finding great deals that save you money and make the day even more exciting because you made it look great on a dime.

    • Reply
  • Julie
    Devoted October 2020
    Julie ·
    • Flag
    Totally feel that way! Wedding cost is insane! My parents are contributing $2000, and we're putting $3000 in. We're afraid we won't be able to feed guests and have to do a cake and punch only reception, but hopefully we'll be able to squeeze in something and have a full, proper reception. We're already planning to do our own music. In all honesty, I'd much rather have the $5000 towards paying my car off!
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