Wedding cancelled....maybe the relationship?

I am so sorry to hear this!!!! I am here if you need to talk. I know that it is nice to have someone to talk to in times like this!!

I’m so sorry. Would he go to counseling with you? Maybe he feels like he needs more life experience and the stress of actually entering adulthood (job, car, House, etc) are hitting him all at once. Maybe he just needs some time.

I don’t have a whole lot of advice to give, but I am so sorry. Maybe give him a little bit of time to cool down and think things over.

I’m sorry you are going through this . I am not sure what the best thing to do is. Since you have not had this happen in six years it could just be cold feet . If it was a constant up and down I would probably say call it quits and not waste any more time. I would say give him some time to think. But I wouldn’t wait too long and if at the end of it he says he wants to call it quits I wouldn’t try to maintain a dating relationship. You have been together six years and that is long enough to know . Sometimes unfortunately people stay together a long time because they are comfortable and afraid to be alone. This upcoming wedding may be enough To make him think about the real future you have or don’t have together .

I’m sorry! I hate to ask, but could his Mom moving in have anything to do with this sudden change?

It’s a lot of change, and can sometimes be overwhelming. I’ve had moments of being overwhelmed by it all.

As PP said, would he go to counseling?

I'm so sorry you're going through this.. I know it must be tough. I would give him some space right now.. then maybe reach out and see if he would be willing to go to counseling with you? I'm sorry.

Sorry you're going through this but like others said it's best to give him some time to cool off, it all could be too much for him right now. In my experience if someone wants to leave it takes them longer than a week to make that decision which is what leads me to believe he may just feel like he's under a lot of pressure and stress.

I'm going to he blunt here:
He's not acting like an adult.

1) He's complaining that he's not going to be able to have experiences like his buddies do, like having independence outside of the household.
Newsflash: JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE'S MARRIED, IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE CHAINED DOWN IN THE ACTUAL HOUSEHOLD! THEY CAN DO STUFF WITH FRIENDS!
2) He's complaining that little things you do that annoy him.
Newsflash: EVERY COUPLE HAS SOMETHING THAT ANNOYS THE OTHER PARTNER!
3) He's afraid of the major changes of being married and you moving in.
Newsflash: WELCOME TO MARRIED LIFE, BUB! MAN UP OR GET OUT!
Additionally, if he can't give you good reasons or examples for these complaints, he will not be changing his way of thinking now or any time soon. Hate to say it, but cut ties off now.
This case definitely sounds like cold feet. You told him off appropriately and left him, and it should stay that way.

Wishing you well!

He is looking/wants an out. Give him his out. You deserve better. Nothing hurts worse than fighting for a relationship that is one sided.

Financially be without emotion. This was his choice to drop out, he is fiscally responsible for any expenses incurred for not fulfilling his part of the agreement.

View Quoted Comment I get along great with his mom and they have a great relationship. But since she's moved in, she filled up her entire bedroom, half the kitchen cabinets and part of a storage shed. I definitely complained about the growing amount of stuff. Then anytime I would mention anything we needed at the house it would magically appear the next day. It's not that I don't appreciate it but I feel by her doing that we missed out on a lot of the fun of filling up a first house because she bought it.
I do agree it's a lot of change all at once. I've had my overwhelming "freak outs" since we got engaged. I'm hoping that's all this is.

View Quoted Comment I'm glad you brought this up.
He kept saying that he had never thought about it before this week. And before yesterday evening I never had any reason to believe that he didn't want to be with me or that he wasn't happy. Literally the day before we were talking about some work he'd like to do to my car and taking a trip with friends next summer.
We have been make some big payments towards the wedding in the past 2 weeks so that might make it more stressful for him.

View Quoted Comment I have to agree with this.... I do also kind of see the logic in PP about how he may be stressed, but to me, the signs of stress are there way before an incident like this. He would be showing you signs, and then an explosion. This seems like a deliberate decision on his part.

And you said he was talking about taking a trip with you? To me that's more of a red flag than anything else. If he can say things like that so candidly and then turn around and change his mind, I think it's safe to say that this was a decision he made a while ago. Him coming up with a trip idea and discussing it with you may have been his attempt at masking his guilt.

It's hard to start over from scratch when you've been engaged and actively taking steps towards moving in, by buying cars/homes/etc. Unless you can completely and entirely forgive him for that, happiness will evade you.

I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like he's not ready to be an adult yet. I'd move on. Even if he changes his mind in a week or two, would you want to be with someone who calls it off at the drop of a hat like that?

Hopefully you didn't put your name on the mortgage and car loans.

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I agree with what you said and the more I've thought about how the ending of my first marriage happened it could be something similar. Even though there was a lot of signs that our marriage was moving in a bad direction and I too was still making plans still trying to kind of play along cause I didn't know how and when exactly to end it (we had also been together since I was 17, it's hard to let go). So when everything finally came to a head it seemed very sudden to him for awhile and he couldn't understand why, with time he came around and knew it was for the best.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I was engaged my senior year of college and in a similar situation right after- we had just gotten our own place and were starting our adult lives. However, I was the one questioning (though not asking the same questions he seems to be). I went to counseling to work through my concerns and fears and issues. In the end, I did break off that engagement- but not before taking the time and effort to go through counseling for quite a stretch because I felt my ex deserved that. If it could have worked, he deserved the effort of me making it work.

I would like to echo PPs who have mentioned counseling. After so much time, it seems like you deserve him to make an effort at seeing if he can work through some of his concerns. They may be solvable, they may not- but you will both know he gave it his all to see if the relationship could succeed for both of you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think the "experiences his friends have" are probably "going to bars and hooking up with random girls" guys see their friends doing this and get jealous and want to do the same. I could be completely wrong with this, but from past experiences, people I know, that's what I read out of it. It has only been you two for the last six years. He missed that whole experimenting in college phase. He thinks he is missing out on all that "fun" wild and free lifestyle (while living with his mom?). He is going to look back and totally regret this and realize he made a HUGE mistake letting you go. I just hope you are strong enough to move on (if this is the case) and find your own happiness and find a MAN who can put you first. I hope he doesn't turn around and find you still waiting for him.

View Quoted Comment You know I totally get the idea of being with one person for the rest of you life being scary. When I was trying to talk to him yesterday, I asked if he felt that he missed out on some of the things his 2 best friends got to do. He answered that he did "a little."

Honestly it makes no sense to me because one hasn't had any type relationship go past casual flirting since high school. The other got engaged 4 months after we did to his high school girlfriend. (They actual set us up.) That couple did break up for almost 2 years after graduation though.

This whole thing is just so confusing and something I thought I would never have to deal with.

View Quoted Comment I am so sorry you are going through this, that is such an extremely painful situation. Maybe he is too afraid to tell you the real reasons as to why he feels this way in person? Could you maybe ask him to write you a letter or an email to explain why is feeling this way and what changed for him? Maybe if he can write it out, he won't be afraid of your reaction/response of hurting you.

View Quoted Comment That's a good idea. He's never been that great at verbalizing what he feels. We usually do better writing it out for each other.

Unfortunately he may be telling the truth.. your relationship may have overcome some really tough situations however, because you have been dating since high school, he hasnt had the chance to see what else is out there (good AND bad) also, BIG changes ALWAYS causes strain/stress on a relationship, let it be wedding, kids (with me it came around the time after each of my kids was born i have 3), new jobs, returning to school, housing a parent (we ve had to do that twice).. i think u become exhausted, worn thin, and stressed; all you want to do is whatever u feel like to feel more like urself instead of a responsible adult.. if you guys take a break then he'll get the space and time he needs to realize that you guys are meant for each other, but you have to make it black and white. A break up is a break up, and especially since u guys have been together for so long, he might want to try to have his cake and eat it to. Meaning he'll still reach out to u when hes lonely and look to u for girlfriend things, but he ll still be seeing other people and not having any boyfriend responsibilities. i hope he comes around and realizes that ur relationship is something that u both worked at for years and invested time and love into! i have been with my FH 9 yrs so i know how u must feel getting to the point of getting married, but then to have him backout is tough.. stay strong and make sure u lay boundaries if you guys choose to stay separated!