Wedding and no reception 2021 ☹

♥️ First off, I agree with everything you’re saying completely. Just order pizza what’s the difference at that point. IMO 15-20 people is definitely not a large wedding. I’m having about 90 give or take and I don’t even consider mine very big. Is there currently a lot of financial stress? Is there may be something else going on that would make him all of a sudden out of the blue not like the plans that you both agreed on? This is a pretty big disagreement that you’re having, and it’s hard to find any sort of compromise. If he wanted a small elopement and you wanted a wedding involving others, I feel like what you wanted would’ve been the compromise. Is the wedding important to you? Will you be OK with just an elopement wedding or are you just sort of upset right now but you’ll be okay after kinda thing?

Honestly I just want to send you hugs! I’m so sorry. I can understand where you are coming from. I am trying very hard to keep costs down, but no matter what it’s expensive. Ive had to compromise a lot to get to an achievable budget, and still we are over 14,000 (Canadian) my fiancé was not pleased especially since money is extra tight with covid! We are already about 60% paid So we are just following though with the plans and costs. I am still trying to reduce costs were I can, while still having the wedding I want. If I wasn’t able to get anything close to what I wanted for my wedding, I would also feel like, what’s the point. I hope your fiancé can see how important it is to you to have some traditional wedding things. For me, it’s all about the reception, the good food, the laughs, the love, and dancing. I need it, and I want delicious food to be served lol

I hope he comes around, don’t give up. 💕

View Quoted Comment He knew the cost all along and said oh 8k and 10k isnt bad. The man boat a used boat for 2k and 2 jetskis for 1k but is bugged by this.
I said we need to cut down somewhat on the adult fun toys til afterwards.
Im not ok ive been burying my tears inside. He said we still have to fly to Florida and want to do stuff their. Its destination his mom lives their. He knew all this and then this afternoon this happened. I told him i dont want to discuss it right now. He knows its upsetting. I was so excited to dance with him in my dress and walk down the aisle and now i could give a crap and just say sign the papers call it a day

View Quoted Comment Thanks im trying not to give up. He knows im pissed off. Ig i don't feel special anymore its a another day. He said the girls our daughters need their dresses still.get them. Ok why though. He knows i wanted real flowers and said get them why though who cares. Why have 2k dress on and beautiful flowers for 15 minutes.

View Quoted Comment My heart is breaking for you right now 💔. Did you express that to him at all?! How you were so excited to be in your dress and walk down the aisle and dance with him? And he buys a boat and TWO jetskis?? Dude, you have to figure out a way to have a sit down with him.
Sometimes if I get into an argument with my FH we make it a point to not be in the same room or I drive to the beach by myself and we text everything to each other. That way I don’t scream at him, and no one talks over each other. Whatever you have to do, but this is your wedding! I’m sure it’s all gonna work out and I’m sure you wouldn’t be marrying him if he wasn’t a great guy but no matter what I think, it’s extremely important that you expressed to him everything that you’ve told me here. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck from one bride to another❤️

View Quoted Comment Sounds like he knew the about and agreed to the $8-10k budget. So what caused that to change today? Also, it sounds like there are certain aspects of the wedding that you want, but he doesn’t desire to spend money on. So, maybe you can cover the cost of the of those things (cake, photography etc) so that you can have the wedding you envisioned.

Hi dear. I feel it is something else there. You need to have a real heart to hear. It is normal that one person does not want the big ceremony. That was my FH but we had an agreement to I do the ceremony I want and he gets the honeymoon he wants. He would feel pressured even if there were 6 people there. Is there a way you can have a bridal experience but with less people. I will message you.

View Quoted Comment It is hard to see now in the disappointment you are feeling, but this is a very good test of your strength as a couple! The work you both put in to compromising now this will only make your marriage stronger and easier to find a solution for future disagreements.

View Quoted Comment Yeah i suppose. I will remember being disappointed in our wedding .

View Quoted Comment I think this was taken the wrong way or I wrote it in a way that seemed rude which wasn’t intended. You mentioned being unhappy with the changes he is proposing - all I meant is the disappointment you are feeling right this second. Not that you would have a disappointing wedding. I hope everything comes together in a way that works for you both.

View Quoted Comment Oh no your fine i know what you ment. I just am sad
And feel like everything i hoped our day would be isnt gonna be. Funny he said i thought you were pissed st me just now about what happen earlier.
Its late and i said i really dont want to talk about it Russ. He said you are upset with me i said i really dont want to talk about it,its over with

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I'm really sorry you're feeling this way! It's rough not getting what you envisioned for such a big day in your life!! Your thoughts are definitely on different ends of the spectrum and that will take some time to reconcile and compromise on. Maybe this thought will be some solace...he loves you so much that he doesn't feel the need for extra frills - the best thing about the day for him is being with you and marrying you

I think it if you let it settle for a bit, have not feel like as fresh of a let down, and perhaps look around the forum for some inspiration you will find a way to pull off a version of your ideal day that he can get on board with. I think it will be important ot understand if budget, or how big and overwhelming it feels is a bigger limitation in his mind.

There are so many creative ladies around here that we can probably collectively help you pull some amazing ideas together within a budget in your area. When you're ready you can put together some specific posts for help sourcing ideas on venue, vendors, decor, etc.

I was actually the person in his shoes when planning our wedding - I didn't want a big wedding because of the family drama (on my side). I wanted to day that I was free of that so I could enjoy myself, and planning to spend a sizeable chunk of change to entertain everyone that I was kind of dreading having in the same room was the salt in the wound. We had some arguments/disagreements/spats - whatever you want to call them. Nothing serious but we were definitely both going to bat for what we wanted!

I feel like eventually, the perspective we both had is that we each wanted a thing or two that was special to us as part of the day and we have a plan that we are both really looking forward to now. There's hope!

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I think this gives an inkling that he might come around to your vision. Maybe something is happening that he isn't sharing that is causing him to recoil so quickly...but this sounds like he's already starting to give up his strong position a bit.

As much as you might not want to talk about it, I think you need to talk this out some more. You don’t want to have regrets later about not doing certain things. If the financial aspect freaked him out, there are ways to compromise and get a reception while spending less. Creativity can go a long way! Both of you deserve to be happy with your wedding day.
Personally, I didn’t want a big wedding. I was all for not having one at all and using the money we would’ve spent as part of a down payment for a house. My fiancé told me that he would regret not having a wedding, and I didn’t want to do that to him. I’m also my mom’s only child and she expressed how important it was to her. (As much as weddings are about the couple, they are also important to others outside of that.) We’re compromising by having a smaller guest list and budget.
There are so many ways to adjust things. I’m sure he wants you to be happy and not have any regrets when you reflect back on your wedding day, so I’m sure you two can work something out that’ll meet both of your needs instead of his alone.

Sounds like he’s mostly worried about money. But you still deserve the wedding you want. Why don’t you elope, and then you can save up for a vow renewal in a year or two!

View Quoted Comment We went to bed and he couldnt sleep over what happened earlier. I said russ you dont need to stress over it. I dont need the man having his blodd oressure elevate and get sick over it.
Your right we do need to talk about it but i dont want to kmowing im.gonna cry.
He said once he knew i was upset next year you will have my last name at this time. I.said yep i will crazy it's a year a way but cool.I just dont see how their is a in between you either have a reception or you dont.u have a cake and a dance or you don't. If i knew of a inbetqeen way id mention it but i dont. Just eucks ive waited literally my entire life to.he this happy and im 49 now and this happens..He is calling the city of vero beqch to get info for a permit. The fact jetski and tubes for pulling behind a boat and other random items are a great deal for him. However the wedding isnt. He said once before hes sell those things to say for it and now cost is a isue tells me he wouldn't. He said that to have them.I just wish ik way to meet in the middle

View Quoted Comment Our kids would be really upset if they werent their. They are **** and 14. Basiclly this ,this way is more or less running off to get married.
He is freaked over cost but i feel if you can buy boat snd jetskis and put money into those things why is this so less important. Just because its 1 day that day is something you would like to remember in most cases. Personally with how it is when its over i wont care snd honestly their will be no excitment for me. I think i will feel as i do now lets just get it done and call it a day.

View Quoted Comment Yeah he is a great guy but right now it feels like its only important if he likes the idea. I know it bothers him im upset since its 6am and he said he has been up most of the night.
I said well if we stop buying things we dont need to have right now we have more money. Such as boats and jet skis and whatever else.
I told him yesterday im over it im done plan the wedding. Find a package you like and plan it. Wait til i tell him i cancelled my dress. Im not im paying it off and going to sell it since their is no point and i dont want to be out that money in the end. I feel if this day means so little to him with what we do for a wedding then why should i put effort into my dress and how i look. It doesnt matter really if i wear that dress or shorts. If i do my hair or have it done. Its all the same really. Glad this turned into a day about him and not about us since he is being this way.I cant imagine sitting in a car waiting to walk down tje the aisle. If that doesnt make a girl want to cry idk what does. Id rather just stay home go to court house and sign some papers. Then be teased with a wedding that i want but dont have....if that makes sense.Silly me for thinking this would be prefect. Ive always said dont ever get to excited for something so then if doenst happen u arent disappointed perfect example of what i said.

View Quoted Comment Yes but i want that because he wants to not over guilt he feels.

Hi Stephanie. Can I ask how many guests you were planning on before he decided to go back on his plans? And how far out the wedding next year will be? You mentioned a destination wedding in FL. I'm planning one there too with cost in mind as well. This will be my 2nd wedding, FH's first. We're paying for the wedding ourselves. There are ways to cut down the costs. Instead of paper invitations, we started a FB event page and invited everyone there. It also serves as our wedding website so we can post fun info about us since our families have never met. (FH is from FL and we live in VA). We saved a couple hundred there. Maybe an option is to do a more intimate ceremony with fewer people and rent a room in a restaurant to throw the "after party". Since your FH is a DJ with DJ friends, it sounds like you can cut costs there. You can DIY your bouquets and boutenneires (pinterest is the best) and save a ton money there or check out Publix. They have a florist and bakery that I heard is really reasonable and beautiful. I haven't called them yet to find out prices yet but I posted about it on here and got really positive reviews. We're skipping flowers except for the bouquets and boutenneires. We're also making our own centerpieces using dollar store picture frames and our engagement pictures which we haven't taken yet. Our photographer friend offered to take them for us! Check out photography companies like Lily and Lime that offer 4 hour packages I believe unless you have family and friends you trust to take good pics. You should be able to capture all the big moments if you tweak your schedule. Maybe you two can come up with a savings plan every month and that will help convince him it's doable?