we want to elope before the wedding what should we tell the pastor?

If the pastor will not approve of you getting married at the courthouse, is s/he willing to marry you in secret at the church now -- and then do another ceremony for your guests in July?

Would s/he rather you live "in sin" now or lie to your families and friends about your wedding date?

It would seem to me that if he would not marry you without counseling, he would not approve of you marrying at the courthouse.. I could be wrong, but I know that some religions don't even recognize marriages that are performed outside of church.

I personally think it's silly that it "requires" you not to live together.. if they advised you not to live together, that would be one thing.. I suppose you could just use your parent's address and say that you don't live together? Dishonestly probably isn't too much better, but maybe it will satisfy the pastor. I just don't see how they could expect you to separate your household 4 months before you're going to join it back together.. maybe offer to practice abstinance?? I'm pretty sure that's the primary concern here, right?

This is a tough question!

There is so many details we don't know about you and your situation and therefore can't really offer truely good advice. Follow you hearts and be kind.

If you feel like you'd feel guilty for lieing to your pastor (and why wouldn't you!), tell him/her why you want to do this. Be open and honest, ask his/her opnion and go from there. Tell him/her you still want the ceremony & reception to celebrate with your friends & family, but that financially, you feel you would be better off to have one household instead of two. Listen to your pastor when he/she explains why they feel the way they do. They have your best interests at heart.

Expore other options, can one of you move in with your parents, sibling, or friend for the next 4 months? Could you put your household in storage and rent a room from said parents/sibilings/friends?

Good luck and remember, it doesn't pay to lie. It just gets all tangled up in the end.

I don't think he'll marry us early b/c he's already said if the lord doesn't tell him we should be married then he's not marrying us. i'm guessing the lord hasn't told him anything thus far since he hasn't relayed the message to us.

we are already practicing abstinence. this is a confusing situation. it's almost like with this guy everything was up in the air anyway. we were almost disqualified b/c we have a wedding date set. i'm perfectly ok with walking away from him but i'm not sure my fh is. we shall see what happens.

I'd try to find another pastor... Refusing to marry you if you're living together is one thing, but saying he won't marry you if the Lord doesn't speak to him just sounds so vague and unreliable. It's like he's giving himself a really obvious loophole to refuse to marry you without needing a real reason. You don't need to deal with that.

Sigh... you are paying him to marry you, not judge you.

Find a different pastor

Wow I hope he is not sleeping when the lord speaks to him. Is your FH close to him or what?

I would find another minister.

OY.......find someone else.

I'm definitely not going to lie to him. he's my fh's pastor. we will tell him how we feel and see what he says. we do have some backup plans.

Disqualified? Your marriage isn't a basketball game or something...

I wouldn't have thought I would hear the word "disqualified" pertaining to getting married lol.

I have a feeling you need to find a new pastor... If you really want to go to the courthouse, it sort of sounds like he might not do your ceremony at your wedding.

He does not sound like someone I can work with, but I can see how your FH must feel attached to him.

What if the morning of your wedding, God tells him not to marry you?

Find another officiant willing to sign a contract stating s/he will marry you at time and date on your invitations.

Whoa, I have to agree with everyone else - found someone else. The whole thing seems really shady.

Your wedding ceremony should be about YOUR values, not your pastor's. I agree that you shouldn't have to lie about anything relative to your wedding. I'm fairly confident that if you and your fiance sit down together, you'll be able to come up with a mutually agreeable alternative to having this man marry you. (Following one's religious convictions is one thing, but this guy sounds a little nutz!)