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Dedicated August 2020

We had a bad guest - what to do now?

Bride123, on August 10, 2020 at 12:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24
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My husband and I are recently married. During the wedding, one of my MIL's friends (aged 50's/60's) behaved badly (of course at her goading - story for a different day). She did everything from trying to pull me to the ground, to getting drunk, yelling profanities at other guests, antagonize other guests, she finally pulled a much younger guest's arm and threw a drink at her - glass included. This guest did all of the antagonizing and other guests insisting at her to stop culminated at this behavior. There was no 2 way street. My family, my husband, my FIL, and of course me, were categorically mortified by her "real housewives" behavior. We received a half apology where the person made a thousand excuses for her behavior and why it was somehow okay for her to cause such a scene at our wedding. After initially defending some of her actions, my MIL has cut ties with this person.


Now the tricky part, what do we do with this person's gift? Do we return it? If we do, do we provide an explanation? Do we send a thank you note? Keep it and say nothing?

24 Comments

Latest activity by Bride123, on August 17, 2020 at 2:51 PM
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    Hard decision, but I'd just send a simple thank you and let it go at that. I'm so sorry that happened, how awful and shame on that woman.

    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I would keep it, send a very short "thanks for the gift" thank you card and never speak to the person again. Since it was MIL's friend who she has since cut ties with, it doesn't seem like you would have any future interactions with her anyway.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted October 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Personally, I would send it back. I wouldn't want anything from a person like that. If you do keep the gift, a simple thank you note will do.
    • Reply
  • L
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Samantha. I personally would return it, though I don't see anything wrong with keeping it and sending a very short thank you note.
    • Reply
  • Kate
    Devoted August 2020
    Kate ·
    • Flag
    I’d keep it. The thank you is completely up to you. Either a very short and to the point thank you, or nothing at all sounds perfectly acceptable to me.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I would just keep it and sent a thank you card
    • Reply
  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    Cut ties with the bad guest. Keep the gift and send a thank you but don't continue any other contact with them.
    • Reply
  • Sinaya
    Devoted August 2022
    Sinaya ·
    • Flag

    I would keep the gift and probably wouldn't even send her a thank you note since she gave a half apology and doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior. You could always regift it or donate it.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    This is what I would do!

    • Reply
  • T
    Expert April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    I would not send a thank-you note whatever you decide to do. Sending a thank-you note might imply you've moved on from her bad behavior.

    If it's a physical gift I would send it back. I would not want the memory of her behavior to come back every time I saw or used the gift. If it were a check, idk. I might cash it.

    • Reply
  • Super August 2020
    ·
    • Flag
    I'd keep the gift and send a thank you note for it, but I'd keep the note very simple I probably wouldn't thank them for attending the wedding as part of the note the way I would with other people.
    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Dedicated March 2021
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag
    Depends on the gift. If it is something you have to look at often like a toaster and/or it makes you remember how she acted every time you see it I would return it to the store it was bought at and exchange it for something else. If it is something you rarely will look at and/or you can look at it without cringing keep it. But you should not return it to her as that might bring more drama back to you.
    I have a few birthday and Christmas gifts from ex friends that I am able to separate the item and the person.
    • Reply
  • Alma
    Devoted October 2020
    Alma ·
    • Flag
    I would re-gift or donate her gift to someone who may need it. I would NOT send a thank you card. Her physical gift does not make up for her behavior. You have nothing to thank her for.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    If you like the gift, keep it and send a very short, blunt "thank you for the gift" thank you note. If you don't like it, I'd consider sending it back, re-gifting, or donating.


    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted October 2021
    Adrienne ·
    • Flag

    If it is a gift you like or need, then I'd keep it. Unless it is something you will use everyday and will just make you mad every time you see it, in which case then regift it. And just write a short thank you for the gift note and be done with this drama of a person.

    • Reply
  • Martha
    Devoted February 2024
    Martha ·
    • Flag

    I would keep it like other PP have mentioned, send a quick thank you note, and let the relationship with them just die away. That was beyond rude of her and unacceptable and you don't need that in your life.

    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated August 2020
    Bride123 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    It was a gift card to one of the stores we were registered for, so there would be no physical reminder of her in our home.

    • Reply
  • T
    Expert April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah I'd keep it then. Still wouldn't send a thank-you note.

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Beginner July 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    If it’ll be a constant reminder of her awful behavior and you don’t need it, I’d get rid of it. However, I don’t think you owe her anything. She didn’t act respectful towards you at the most important day of your life, so I think trying to return it to her would be almost worse cuz you’d have to deal with her (and hear a list of excuses) all over again.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
    • Flag
    Send it back, with a note to her that considering her bad behavior at the wedding, you have realised you want nothing to do with her in the future, and no gifts from her.
    • Reply

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