We got married at a court, but having wedding / ceremony this June. We are asking a friend to be our "officiant," how can we ask him?

Technically it's illegal to perform a fake marriage. Why not be honest and host a vow renewal or celebration of marriage?

Just tell him the truth. And he can just perform a symbolic ceremony. Call it anything you want.

Well maybe you could just tell him? I don’t agree with hiding it from everyone, especially since most marriage licenses are available to the public but he needs to be aware he’s not performing a legal ceremony

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What do you mean its "illegal to perform a fake marriage"? Meaning it is illegal to make decision that we choose to call each other fiance until the wedding ceremony in June? Many of my friends did it this way (same reason) and never heard it's illegal and never thought its fake marriage.. What part of what we are doing makes it illegal? is it illegal that we say vows front of everyone, and announce that "I pronounce you husband and wife?" We certaintly don't want to do anything illegal. We just want to have wedding / ceremony with our oversea friends and families.

I don't understand what you're asking... you just have to tell him and have him perform a ceremony for you. Why are you hiding it from your loved ones? Please don't do this. There have been so many posts on here from people who have hid it and it really turns our poorly, and in some cases, ruins relationships. If I spent thousands to travel around the world and found out it was a fake ceremony, I would feel duped.

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Symbolic Ceremony sounds very nice. Thank you!!!

If he performs a legal ceremony, ie what you did at the courthouse, that is illegal. You are already married, and filing a second marriage license is illegal as it can be seen as polygamy. Calling yourselves fiancée/fiancé is not illegal.

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Definition of "ceremony" can mean so many ways. I certainly dont think we are planning a fake ceremony. its still real ceremony, to make vows front of our loving friends and families. my side of family already knows. since its very common in Japan. I do think that we may be over thinking, and just let him know we would like him to perform a ceremony for us. thanks for your advise!

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Oh ok! Of course I knew that. We definitely don't need to file anything. We just want to perform the ceremony, and was asking for advise whats the best way to inform him and ask him with our situation. thank you for clarifying!

If he is a professional officiant, he needs to know you’re married. He’ll need to change the language in your ceremony some since you are already married.

So you would tell him. Hi possible officiant, we are looking to have a vow renewal, celebration of marriage and would like for you to perform the ceremony. We are already married, so it would just be symbolic and we would not need to you fill out or turn in any paperwork. Would you be able to do it?”

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Thank you Sarah. He is not professional, he is just a best friend of my partner. I def think we need to let him know. Just need to find out whats the best way to ask him.

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Thank you, HulaHoop. That was really helpful! Also what does "vow renewal" really mean? I have heard it before but i always thought vow renewal is for someone who has been married for years and does a ceremony including "vow renewal." Does this still apply to us as we got married at courthouse just few months ago?

Isn't it true that most couples are already legally married before their actual ceremony because.. it's just paperwork? If he is a friend and not a professional officiant he probably has no idea about marriage licenses and all of that stuff anyway, so I would just be sure to let him know that he doesn't need to concern himself with that. I also don't think there is any reason to change any wording of your ceremony or call it "symbolic."

Wow people are being really harsh. My JSU’s md and I are already married and never had an actual wedding. We got married at the embassy in South Korea where we were both stationed. We are doing our actual wedding finally in june. 6.5 years later. We asked his mom to officiate because she is perfect for the job lol. I don’t know why people would assume you’re filing for a second license or calling it a “fake” ceremony. Rude.
I would just tell him though. If he’s someone that close that you would want to officiate your wedding then he should be someone you trust with the truth. It’s none of your guests business, but I feel like you should tell your friend

My *husband and I

View Quoted Comment I don’t personally know anyone who was legally married prior to their wedding day. All of our friends/family had their officiant who performed their ceremony sign their marriage license and that’s when they became legally married. Also, for a lot of people, especially those individuals who just became able to wed their partners legally a few years ago, it’s a lot more than “just paperwork”.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I obviously mean you will be arrested if you call your spouse your fiancé. Yes, the police will arrest you. 100% exactly what I could have meant.

I mean your friend could lose their license or ordination to marry people if he performs a ceremony and pronounces you. He needs to know. He needs to change language in the ceremony to prevent it from being fraud. He will know what needs to be changed.

View Quoted Comment Vow renewal is essentially any kind of wedding ceremony after you are legally married. A lot of people will recommit themselves for a milestone anniversary, but technically what you are doing is really a vow renewal, because you say your original wedding vows at the courthouse when you get married and this is technically a renewal of that, but possibly different vows and in front of a bunch of people.

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Is the "paperwork" you're referring to a marriage licence? If so, no, getting a marriage licence (which is legally required to get married) does not automatically make you married. Each state has legal requirements for what must be performed during a ceremony, in order to make your marriage licence legal and valid.

Most states require that both parties repeat "I do" (ie vows), before witnesses, in a ceremony performed by someone who is granted the legal authority to declare a marriage valid. Therefore, any ceremony following the legal proceeding is by definition a ceremonial/symbolic vow renewal.