We Don't Want a Religious Wedding. FIL do...

I'm facing the same. His parents had a baptist wedding and expressed their disdain for our non-religious ceremony and our gay officiant friend. It's actually gotten worse as the day is approaching. FH is really stressed dealing with it. My family could care less. His mom is going to come up at the beginning of the ceremony and read Romans 8:26-30 and I think do a prayer. I felt like I had to ask my mom if she wanted to say anything, but she goes to Korean church and didn't feel comfortable speaking so she backed out. Last I heard his mom is still doing the reading and prayer to start us off.

Oh and Asta reminded me - His dad said as long as we raised our kids in the church he's ok with the wedding. He's gonna be in for a surprise.

We're facing a similar situation. FILs, especially my FMIL is very religious (Catholic). FH was raised Catholic and I wasn't raised in a church at all but my mother was raised Catholic. FH has moved (mostly) away from the church. FH and I are both okay with a secular ceremony. FMIL hasn't said a whole lot but has made a couple of quick comments about a Priest, the church, or a Catholic blessing of our marriage. I fully expect more push back from her at some point. FH and I haven't completely decided yet how to handle this but we've talked about having a "spiritual" reading during the ceremony and asking someone to say a blessing before dinner. That way we are incorporating some religion into our wedding for his family (so they even acknowledge the marriage as "real") but staying true to ourselves as well. Good luck! I know this isn't easy.

We just did things the way we wanted and didn't even entertain anyone's opinion. DH's family is super catholic and I'm sure they wanted us to get married in a church. I couldn't even picture that. We had the type of ceremony you describe and it was beautiful. Religion plays no part in our relationship so it made zero sense to us why we'd base our wedding around it. I was raised Orthodox - but am agnostic now. We were confident in our choices and I think our confidence kept our families at bay.

We were both raised catholic, neither of us are religious. My parents didn't really care, nor did his, my grandma did though. She would always ask me what church we were getting married in, and if we weren't getting married in a church how in the world was is possible we could get married? I just kept telling her we aren't getting married in a church and went about my business. My grandma didn't seem to mind the day of and hasn't said anything since.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. I think I didn't get too much push back from my grandma because I might be one of the more strong willed grandkids she has and she might be more demanding of other grandkids when the time comes.

Neither of us are religious. my parents are Christians and extremely religious. This may not be a popular answer but I chose to just have their pastor marry us because it was easier than trying to find someone myself, and to keep the peace with my parents. It wasnt worth the aggravation. so there was obviously religious talk and prayers that were said during my ceremony but he also made it very personal and I loved my wedding. I loved my officiant and I have no regrets whatsoever. We are married now and that's what mattered to me.

If you agree to do the wedding their way, you're setting a precedent. Better to be honest with them now and simply explain that you do not share their same beliefs.

We had this issue because my husband and I are very atheist and reject any religion. Both of our families are very Catholic. I regularly had screaming matches with my mother over this because she was convinced we would end up divorced. Honestly, we stood our ground and found an officiant that did a sweet, short, classic, but completely secular wedding. It was perfect and both our parents backed off when we stood our ground.

I was concerned this would be an issue (and still am a little bit) because FH's family is Catholic and his mother was a little pushy in suggesting churches to marry in, especially when we were seriously considering a few venues near her alma mater.

Luckily, I suspect they know that we aren't particularly religious, and that we are having a civil ceremony. They know we have an officiant and haven't made any suggestions for the ceremony since then. We haven't outright told his parents that we aren't religious at all, and I think it's difficult for FH because of the guilt involved.

My mother and stepfather are very Christian (Baptist) but since my mom and I rarely went to church when I grew up, and my grandparents, who partially raised me, are atheist, I never had any strong religious convictions and had no issues with telling my parents that I am my own person and I don't need to believe in what they do. My stepdad was more understanding of this but my mom was very hurt, as she felt her journey with God should have been my journey too. After many screaming matches over a year or two, she's pretty much over it and is totally chill with all my wedding plans, including having a civil ceremony.

We brought up our concerns to our officiant, who is a former Catholic priest, and he said he would use language that would speak to everyone. He's used to having clients with the same concerns and has a few solutions up his sleeves.

I actually disagree with the advice to sit them down and talk it through. I am all for open communication, but this is literally none of their business. Personally, I am very close with my mom and we are on pretty much the same page about (non) religiosity. We still never talked about the ceremony at all. It just didn't come up. I ran other ideas by her, since I value her input and I wanted her to be a part of the process. But the ceremony? Nope. No input except mine and my partner's.

My advice is to just not go into it with them. If someone asks, just say you are working on it with your officiant and change the subject. They will see the ultimate result on the wedding day--and it would take extraordinarily petty people to witness your union and cause a "rift" because it's not what they would have chosen if they were the ones getting married.

So FH was raised atheist and I was raised Catholic but became atheist after college. I really did not want to have to talk to my parents about the choice to have a secular wedding but my dad has often tried to coerece me into specifically saying the words "god will be mentioned by name in the wedding" or that the officiant is "a man of the cloth." After the talk he essentially told me that I don't deserve a marriage and is not really speaking to me. While initially I would have caved and gone with "god-lite" for the sake of appeasing my dad (don't want to even get into how easy it is for my dad to manipulate my emotions) FH would have refused to have a wedding where he was forced into religion. For me it essentially came down to whether I'd rather have this happen over my wedding or a child not being baptized so I chose doing it now. It sucked because it felt like they were trying to force me into showing that ultimately I would side with them over him, disregarding that this is what we both wanted - not just him. It still sucks but it was the right choice. They don't accept that I became an atheist before meeting FH and believe that it is his "fault." FUNSTUFF.

Are you paying for the wedding yourselves? If yes, do what you want.

If no, postpone until you can pay for it or elope.

You're adults. Do your own thing. It's not your job to make everyone happy.

Do what you feel comfortable with. My grandmother was dead set on us having our ceremony in a church. But our reception space is an hour away from home and really popular for weddings, so churches cost about $5000 to rent just for the ceremony. So she clearly got a no from us.

They'll get used to the idea, you just have to ignore some backlash for awhile when you first tell them no.

My FH and I were both raised Catholic. We are both now atheists (and I am also a practising Pagan). My parents understand this. His parents? Very much tied to the church and his grandparents expect a religious wedding. But here's the thing: it is not their wedding, and ultimately, it comes down to what you envision for your special day, not what is expected of you. If you feel a conversation should be had with them, sit down with them (politely) early on if you feel they need time to adjust.

I'm a very proud Christian. In saying that I respect EVERYONES belief in what ever they choose. I hate to see people pressure their beliefs on others.

It's your wedding. Your marriage. Do it your way. What ever makes you happy. They should respect y'all and your beliefs.

Nicely tell them this is what y'all want.

My family is Jewish and FH was raised catholic. We are now both non religious. I think our families are quietly disappointed we aren't having religion in our wedding, but nobody has been rude. It is our day and our ceremony. It doesn't make sense to have vows that we don't believe.

I say unless they're paying you can do whatever you and your FH want. If they are paying, you'll probalaby have to cave. I and FH were/are in a similar situation. We're not super religious but FFIL is southern Baptist. He gave us a large chunk of change to help us out, so....we're having a southern Baptist minister. At least we aren't doing it in the church....

We are having the religious wedding but had a serious talk with the officiant about the fact that we aren't religious and wanted the ceremony to be religiously correct (all the right pieces) but to not emphasize god and religion but instead love and marriage. Once we explained that we didn't want to feel like hypocrites while taking such a big step together in our lives, he immediately understood and helped us design a ceremony that we would be comfortable with and our family would still recognize as a religious wedding.

Personally, I think it's insulting to get married in a certain religion when you don't practice it. Your ceremony should reflect your beliefs and most importantly your marriage. We have Baptists, Lutherans, Catholics and atheists in our families . We went with a pastor because he personifies our beliefs and goals for marriage. Even if they are paying, they don't get to dictate how you start your marriage. That is absolutely asinine.

ETA: words

Same boat with the in laws as you and we had the wedding just the way we wanted. I didn't ask or care if they were upset. It was our day.