We Can't Agree on What Kind of Wedding

Marriage is about compromise and the coming together of two families. It is odd that he didn’t consider having your family and the party planned for a later date. Is there any reason besides wanting to save money that he only wants to go the courthouse ? I think spending 1k as opposed to 50$ on your wedding is a good compromise but that’s not my place to say.

Why isn't your family invited to this cookout your FH wants? It's probably more or just as expensive to have a cookout that big

A cookout expense could easily inflate to over $1000. Why can't you have the ceremony that you envision and invite both families? That seems far and could cut costs

We had a cookout/pool party as one of the events for our wedding weekend and it was still around $500 for food and alcohol (beer and wine). That was around 40-50 people. If he’s anticipating it’ll be much cheaper than $1000, you might need to run the actual cost of things plus bring up the whole labor part (cooking, cleaning, setting up, etc).


I think if your family isn’t invited (why aren’t they?!) then it’s only fair to do a separate event with them.
I’m with PPs, marriage is about compromise and the fact that he didn’t even consider your family kinda worries me. :/

View Quoted Comment The answer I got was to save money for the honeymoon, and so my family can see how he is around his family. He pretty much wants it down by his family and have 99% of his family there, and then my Mom and Grandma. I thought maybe doing halfway for both familes would be a nice compromise instead of all of my friends and family driving anywhere from 1 1/2 hours to 5 hours for a cookout months after we were married. I am not asking for a $10,000 wedding that he is use to all his buddies having, I just want something that is a bit more than just a courthouse. My ideal plan was to go to Vegas, that way it was both wedding and honeymoon, but he didn't like that idea. Sadly, the one moment I get to have a say, he is being groomzilla. I'm trying to not make him upset, but it suppose to be a special day for us and he rather treat it like a normal summer day. Thankfully we still have 2 years before the wedding, even though now he is trying to get me to marry him by the end of the year because all of his buddies say that 2 years is too long of an engagement. We just got engaged in February, and have been together for just over a year. I am pretty sure he is going through a premature midlife crises at 30 because now he wants to rush getting married and trying for kids. We dont even live together yet, and he is trying to move faster than me. Sorry for ranting. I can't really talk to family because they are all divorcees, and friends are no help either. I just need some advice and help to make him happy with his cheap budget that he wants with my want for something memorable.

View Quoted Comment Big red flags, a bunch of them. Seek couples counseling.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Casey. There is WAY more here to unpack then just the wedding disagreement. Before making any decisions, I would talk to him about couple's counseling. It seems like you two are not on the same page for a lot of pretty important things.

Woah.

Ok, this is all kinds of red flags.

1. He is rushing you.

2. He is cutting you away from family.

3. He won't compromise.

4. You "don't want to upset him".

5. You've only been together for a year and aren't living together yet.

It's time to WAY pump those brakes, and step back for a minute. Why are you afraid to upset him? Why are you afraid to talk to divorced couples about marriage? (They might have a lot of insight into mistakes.) Why is he in *such* a rush? Does he refuse to compromise in other areas? Does he cut your family out of a lot of things?

A lot of these factors are classic signs of unhealthy relationships.

These things are super concerning, and I'd respectfully suggest it's time for counseling. Ideally couples, but also for you.

Thanks everyone for the advice! I am going to think everything over and we will see what will happen.

View Quoted Comment

The person who sounds selfish is him. And that's not a quality that you want in a spouse. Ever. Period. Your posts has so many red flags that you really, really, should pump the breaks. This is the rest of your life that you are gambling with... Your family and support group should matter to him. He should see them as his family. This is so many kinds of wrong. Please, think carefully.

Red flags!!!


A marriage is about two families coming together. Both sides matter equally. A marriage is not about taking a bride out of her social and famial circles, and adding her into the groom's.

His idea of saving money is to cut out your family and have you subsidize what sounds more like a reunion for just HIS family than a wedding. This is not a Meet My New Bride BBQ. This is his vision of a WEDDING.
This man is selfish to the core. You realize he's not going to change? How are you going to divide holidays? Are you always going to be spending time with his side only?
I really think you need to reconsider your engagement. I would not stay with a man who could even think such a thing.