We are having a dry wedding- help!

I don't think this sounds bad. Especially given the timing and length of the reception. However, you can't be upset with guests if they don't dance. I probably wouldn't dance that early without alcohol. I hardly dance with alcohol in the evening lol. I feel like there should be a compromise if you really want alcohol. Why not just champagne for mimosas and a toast?

View Quoted Comment I agree with this

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. I get why you don’t want to escalate the argument with your FH about something so seemingly minor, but I feel like wedding planning is one of the first and most difficult tests of your problem solving skills as a couple. If you feel strongly about wanting alcohol, he should compromise for lighter options like mimosas or sangria.

Personally, unless I'm going to a wedding of a couple who actively doesn't drink, I'd expect alcohol to be there. An espresso bar sounds like a good choice if alcohol is 100% off the table, but I'd definitely be in favor of a mimosa bar.

We ended up having a cash bar. Plenty juice, tea, water and lots of food and dessert. We just couldn’t possibly think of paying an extra $3000+ for alcohol. Everyone stayed on the floor dancing because the dj was awesome and my family and his family dances all the time. Had we had the option to bring in alcohol ourselves then we would have done so but we chose cash bar.

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So that is what I was planning on doing- just mimosas and a toast, but he was against it. I actually booked mimosas with the venue, and he found out and was super upset that I "went behind his back" and that "I would book them without any thought as to how he felt". So that is where the arguments stemmed from...

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So that is what I was planning on doing- just mimosas and a toast, but he was against it. I actually booked mimosas with the venue, and he found out and was super upset that I "went behind his back" and that "I would book them without any thought as to how he felt". So that is where the arguments stemmed from...

View Quoted Comment Well I guess this you're in a situation where you either have to concede or stick to your guns. I think it's completely fine to concede if you're sure he would do the same for you if you felt very strongly about something. What's his issue with alcohol?

I'm having a dry wedding. Honestly I think people are way too caught up with the alcohol at weddings nowadays. A good DJ, a good meal, and nobody will think too hard about it. It's a few hours not forever.
Is there a reason he wants a dry wedding in particular? If there's a reason it's easier to work with.

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I have tried to stick to my guns for weeks, and that is what has been causing issues.

I think it is a lot of little things:

• A large number of guests (mostly his family) who are against alcohol for religious reasons and think it is morally wrong

• A large number of guests (mostly my family) who, even at brunch, would drink quite a bit and would get drunk- which he really doesnt want

• A number of guests who are recovering alcoholics

• The cost

• He is also saying that if we have alcohol there, he will just keep thinking about how I went behind his back with it (which wasnt the intention)

For him, dry weddings are the norm. He has been to many many weddings in his life, and probably over half of them have been dry. So he see doesnt see any reason to have alcohol.

View Quoted Comment Okay, so he has reasons. It's not just an arbitrary rule. So what are you reasons for wanting alcohol? I do feel bad for you because it's hard when we have such strong opposition. I do think your wedding will be enjoyable regardless. It sounds like a portion of your guests wouldn't partake in alcohol anyway and your other guests may be bummed but they'll get over it.

Since it's a short lunch reception, I think you are fine. I've been to dry evening weddings and still attended! We just didn't dance or stay late. I'd also offer iced tea & lemonade, and a few flavored water options. The espresso bar is a good idea. I think distracting guests with other drinks and maybe things like yard games, photo booth, etc. is good. I personally don't dance at dry weddings (maybe a slow dance but that's it) but I'm sure plenty of other people do.

Honestly I think if it's religious or cultural you'd be starting your marriage off on a bad foot by having it served if you know guests will be upset by it. Also in that case many other guests who do drink will likely be understanding of the situation.
If a significant portion of the guests attend dry weddings or are in recovery you don't have to worry about people being too sober to dance or whatever other excuses people use to drink because they're used to it or wouldn't drink anyway. I just think where his concerns have pretty solid and thought out basis for his position trying to make him feel differently is a bit mean, it's his wedding too, and if it means that much to him why not let him have that.
If it's a brunch wedding you can have a drink afterwards.

I think you will be fine. I have been to more and more dry weddings recently and I haven't noticed a decrease in enjoyment in those. I have had a blast at the ones I have been too. I would suggest taking as many formal portraits before the wedding as possible so you can be with your guests more. That seems to have happened with almost all of the ones I went to. One of my cousins had yard games out for the kids and kept the music going with hits everyone enjoys.

We are, by necessity, having a dry wedding. The venue we loved only allows a small champagne toast for bride and groom only. However, after planning more of the wedding and realistically thinking of who would be drinking, I am glad the decision was sort of made for us. We could have kept looking for venues but we loved the people and the location so much! They offer a ton of items like tables and chairs, linens, an absurd amount of decorations, all in the way too low cost for what you get. My family are very heavy drinkers and a few have disrupted some of my cousins weddings. My fiance's family is also deeply, deeply religious so it will all work out in the end. We are just inviting very close friends and family back to our house for a bonfire and drinking afterwards. That will be more relaxed and save us some money as well.

So it's his way or the highway with no room for compromise and no consideration for what you want or your feelings on the matter? He's putting his family's religious judgment of alcohol over his future wife's thoughts and feelings about what hospitality to provide to the guests at the wedding.

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I 100% agree with everything written here!

Is there a reason he is set on a dry wedding? If it's not cost or culture, I think you should offer some sort of alcohol to your guests. If he and his family don't want to drink, they don't have to.

I can understand that he's against it for religious and cost related reasons, but the whole holding it against you "for going behind his back" makes me SO ANGRY. So controlling.

For a day time wedding I think you're ok. I'd stop arguing about it. However if it was in the evening I personally would fight everyday, and I don't drink often.

View Quoted Comment Same. So much this. There is something very not okay with how he’s handling this. It’s quite frankly manipulative and gross to GUILT you into a compromise. The conversation should have been more like “oh, I noticed a mimosa bar on our quote. I guess we never talked about it, but I don’t want alcohol at the wedding, and it’s something I feel strongly about” followed by an open discussion of your stances. I’m right there with you OP, in not wanting wedding drinking to be the hill to die on, but I *would* be sitting down and having a conversation about how if he feels strongly about it im open to not having alcohol but I’m not okay with our decision process being : “if you do this I’ll resent you” — maybe it’s a communication issue and he doesn’t realize this is how he’s coming across, but for me it would require resolving and is a greater issue than whether or not I’d enjoy a drink at my wedding (I would, but I could get over it especially at a quick casual brunch shindig, *if* it had been hashed out in a respectful conversation where I realized it was very important to my partner. I still think the issue has room for compromise (a la champagne toast), but even if there’s a hard line, it needs to be made respectfully and not manipulatively.