Dedicated September 2020

Warning: This post contains math.

Emily, on December 3, 2019 at 6:36 PM Posted in Planning 1 5
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For context, I'm a CPA and a very type A person. I've used spreadsheets to organize my life for years, so collecting the draft guest list on Google Sheets with collaborative links for in-laws and my dad was naturally the way to go.

Our venue fits 150, as in the Fire Marshall #. Minimum guest count is 100 per the contract. The first draft guest list had ~200 (guests and +1), and we split it into "first round" ppl who get a Save the Date (all family + core friends) and "second round" (no STD but tons of family is out of town and out of touch so they'll get available slots).

The final first round count was 152, including my partner and I. Save the Dates printed, stuffed and stamped in a box. Great news, high fives for everyone.

This weekend, my partner's mom asked him to make sure he included "Uncle C". I heard across the room, but figured it is max 2 ppl - meh, no big deal. (Thought it was an estranged brother on her side that we didn't originally count.)

Nope, this is my partner's biological father's brother. Who I've never met (in 10 years) and hasn't visited him in that time either. We didn't invite any of that side. So now this is opening my stress levels - what about his half siblings on that side? He's got several of those and a number of other aunts and uncles... And cousins on cousins. So we're looking 20+ more.

Do I hack into the existing first round picks and take out any other non family I can in order to accommodate these additions?

My partner says they all probably won't even come, they just want the invite. When I mentioned concerns on the cap, he said if we go over he'll personally call and uninvite them. Not the most appealing prospect.



  • Ashley
    Expert November 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I would invite the people YOU and your FH want there no matter what. Parents can request for certain people to be invited, but it's ultimately your choices. I put a cap on how many people my parents could invite. We have a guest list cap of 85 (we set ourselves) invited 90 people because we know not everyone can make it. My FH's mom said that her cousin wanted to come and I simply told her that because we are having a small wedding and I've never met or heard of her and she hasn't seen my FH since he was 5 years old, she wouldn't be getting an invitation. It's a bit easier for us because we have a smaller guest list, but the same thing applies.

    *My FH would appreciate your math as he holds a CFA*

    • Reply
  • L
    Devoted August 2019
    Leaves232 ·
    • Flag

    I like math puzzles! Here are your options, in my opinion:

    1) Add ~20 Uncle C randoms to your "round 1" list but CUT all plus ones from both rounds.

    2) Add ~20 Uncle C randoms to round 1 but CUT the round 2 list entirely.

    3) Add ~20 Uncle C randoms to your "round 2" guest list and and hope they don't come (risky).
    4) Ignore Uncle C and go about your business! I recommend this since your FH didn't even remember they existed until your FMIL mentioned them!
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Invite the people you want. If your FMIL wants to add people, she can cover the extra cost.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Dedicated September 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    I thought about it while I was in the shower, and realized this situation falls under the rules we have in our house: if you've got the problem, it's your problem. My partner isn't terribly bothered by uncertainty, but that's just not my game.

    His mom and I get along well and talk separately, so I just discussed with him that I plan on calling her this weekend. If it's just that one Uncle b/c she saw him at church or something, cool and happy to add. But I'm going to try to communicate my concerns that this opens a can of worms, and if she thinks that's possible it may be best to not invite that side of the family at all. (Or as like round 3 if we're not at the minimum count.)

    Thanks for the additional clarity here.

    • Reply
  • E
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    I am glad you've had time to sort it out more in your mind. Sometimes it takes just getting it out for it to "click". Special and sentimental thought: If they just want an invite for memory purposes, mail it as a keepsake after the wedding. IMO, have a third round of guests and have your MIL and fiance list the people on that side of his family in order of importance. Sure, Uncle C and plus one can be squeezed in, but everyone after that should be in round 3.

    • Reply

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