Want to have private wedding, but feel like a jerk.

We are doing a small wedding. Parents, siblings, grandparents and a couple close friends. It was a tough decisi9n and not anything to take lightly too. For us it was an all or nothing thing. Meaning inviting all the aunts and uncles or none. It wasn't easier but we are happy with our decision, while we wish we could have everyone we know there, like you said, money was a big factor in it and we are able to provide a nicer meal and stuff to the ones who are coming. ETA: make sure FS is equally in board if you go that route.

Can you imagine your day without your extended family there? Small weddings are beautiful, intimate, save money, and are a whole lot less stressful.

Honestly, it would have been amazing to have ALL of our families there but my side alone would've been over 100 (and that's just the East Coast!). It was the best decision we ever made to keep our wedding intimate. As soon as we decided on it, the pressure was off our shoulders!

I have a huge family , just inviting aunts, uncle's and cousins, would put my guest list at close to 100 without fh side or friends. When we sat down to make our budget and decide not only what we could do financially but what we really wanted those kind of numbers just didn't work. I have one cousin and her parents that I'm really close to and talk to outside of fb and family events that I make it to about every 3 years because we live across the country from the bulk of them and another uncle and his family that I see regularly because they live about an hour away. They are the only family I'm inviting from my side other than my parents, brother and grandparents. We'll be sending out announcements after the fact to the rest of the family. I should also probably add that I have a really understanding family. We'll be inviting a handful of super close friends. Our list is about 75 people I honestly expect about 2/3 of that to actually be able to attend. If you're only close to a handful of people in your family invite those people. It's more important to have the people who you really want to be there to help you celebrate be there then to have a huge debt to stress about after your wedding for people who's feelings may or may not be hurt by not receiving an invite

I am finding that the biggest area of growth for my officiant group is weddings of 10-40 people. Guest lists that are small are kind of self limiting; if you invite JUST your immediate family, it's pretty easy to for people to understand your concept.

We love our intimate weddings; there is a totally different vibe to them.

Small weddings still require planning, but the stress and money are much, much less.

I hope Jo and Elepha (I know I misspelled your name, sorry....) will weigh in. They both had small weddings, and I know there are others here too.

Just keep reminding yourself that no one is entitled to an invitation to your wedding. It's not rude to exclude people. The only time it becomes rude is if you split up families or invite people without significant others. But if you limit it to immediate family and very close friends, that's perfectly acceptable.

Our final guest list will be between 20-30. We are picking and choosing who we are inviting. DF is inviting ONE of his like 12 siblings, which accounts for 5 of our guests, so our list is very, very small.

We want the people we are closest to with us: if we don't talk to them on a regular basis, as in like at least once every 6 months in a conversation beyond "Hey, how's it going?" they're not invited. Neither of us had any issues with making a small guest list that way.

I do want to add though, that a small guest list does not necessarily mean less expensive. We're spending more for our smaller wedding by about $5000, than we would have for a local, 100 guest wedding.

I had a very small wedding. It was me, my H, my daughter, my photographer (happens to be one of my best friends), another friend who came to help the photographer (but also a best friend of mine), my other best friend on Skype (she lives in India), and my husband's sister and her husband. His sister and her husband were kind of last minute, and I'm sure it caused hurt feelings for some of his other family but I left that decision to him.

Anyway, it was a really special day. I had been married before and that wedding was also small (about 15 people) but I was more focused on my discomfort with attention on me than what was happening. This time around, I felt completely enmeshed in the moment and was able to appreciate what was happening. It was such an easy, low-key, special time and I loved that there wasn't anything formal about it. After pictures, we went back to the hotel to change and went to dinner with his sister and her husband, and it was just nice and easy. I loved it.

Definitely not for everyone but perfect for us.

We're having a small wedding, but these are also the people I expect to invite to a future housewarming party or baby shower. There are no obligatory invites, it's about us and the people we consider closest to us being a part of our lives.

When DH and I were deciding on our wedding, we didn't once think about what anyone else would think. We were at first considering a small-ish 60-70 guest wedding, it had all our extended family that we thought we'd want to see there. But as we were going through the list, it made us think, "These people have nothing to do with our relationship." And I am very close with my aunts and uncles and cousins. My female cousins are like my little sisters, I spent my grade school afternoons at one aunt and uncle's house who became a second set of parents basically, and DH loves his nieces and nephews like their his own. We both have best friends we talk to regularly.

But we reasoned that we didn't need these people there to validate our union and we didn't want to have to throw them a party for something that was only about the two of us. That may be a weird and rude way to look at it, but DH and I wanted our wedding to be about us. And as soon as you invite guests, it's no longer about you. So we planned an elopement, not considering any guests at all, until my mom forced her way in and guilted me into allowing immediate family only. With only 7 people there, we could still make it about us, and we still planned it with only minimal consideration for our family (we did Welcome gifts and I made itineraries and Suggestions Lists), but the wedding itself was exactly what we would have done without any guests (we went far away, we had it outside in cool weather, we did an elaborate 5-course dinner).

Is my extended family upset they couldn't be there? Maybe. I don't really think about it. We explained to our families "This is what we want, so this is what we're doing." And that was it. They've been excited for us and haven't expressed disappointment or objections up to this point, so I think they respect our decision and are just happy we are happy.

That's what we're doing, 28 people total so that we can include all of FH's super close college friends, parents, grandparents and siblings. If anyone in the extended family is offended, well, there's nothing I can do about that.

Also, my cousin and his woke got married recently by walking to the courthouse together, then down to the beach to take some selfies in their wedding attire. Sure I was a little bummed that I didn't get to celebrate with them, but more than that I was envious, and I immediately tried to talk FH into doing the same thing.

We are doing parents, siblings, grandparents, and close friends as well. FH is inviting one aunt but they're so incredibly close that their relationship is more sibling like. It's the only exception we've made in regards to aunts and uncles. I'm not inviting any of my aunts and uncles because it doesn't matter to me if they're in attendance to me or not. I don't really feel any guilt not inviting them. If we were closer, maybe but it is what it is and I originally wanted to elope so inviting who we are inviting is all I want attending.

It was the most amazing thing we did and I'm so glad we decided on an intimate wedding.

Honestly are you that close with 100 members of your extended family? I only like about 1/4 of them. And any "family" members who get upset about it are entitled assholes anyway.

Two of my closest friends had very small weddings, immediate family only. Sure, it sucked not getting to be there but I respect them and thus their decision. We enjoyed taking them out for dinner to celebrate their marriage. As much as people around here say "its not just your day" - it is still very much your day and you get to decide what it looks like.

I wouldnt worry about it.

We had a private ceremony. We had extenuating circumstances but no one was offended. We invited local family, immediate family, my two closest friends and their husbands, and my mom's three closest friends. We had about 25 people total and it was perfect. I didn't get any pushback because we had a guest list of 135 and they all already knew about it so there wasn't any drama. People were just happy for us.

We are doing a small wedding..about 30 people. Then in the summer we are going to have a cookout for all our friends and family that we could not invite.

We set a limit on extended family. If we hadn't talked to or seen them in over a year they weren't invited. Yes we got some push back from an aunt and a couple cousins but they had to send me friend requests on fb to chew me out about it. We are older and those who we are close with are our friends. Why would I worry about an aunt that I haven't seen in almost 5 years be offended that she wasn't invited?!?!?

I have a big family, FH does not. With us splitting our guest list roughly in half (75 people total) I had to draw hard lines of who to invite. I ended up being only able to invite immediate family on my side once you add in nieces/nephews and partners and a few close friends. If I opened it up to extended family even though there are some I am close to it didn't seem fair to invite this cousin or uncle but not the others. I also decided to not invite any coworkers for the same reason. FH was able to invite both on his side though. I actually prefer it the way I have had to decide my guest list because it seemed less stressful when you don't have that wiggle room of maybe I should keep adding guests.

100 ppl really isn't that bad if your budget allows for it. Intimate is nice but if you really care about family feelings, extending it a bit might be the right idea

We are only inviting grandparents, parents, siblings and families. Then I am inviting one cousin who is like my best friend.

I personally dont feel bad. Im not crazy close with the rest of my family. And for my wedding day, I want to just be relaxed and have a good time. I dont want to worry about soo many people.