K
Just Said Yes October 2021

Vow renewal help!!!??!?

Kelly, on February 8, 2017 at 9:59 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 47

Hi ladies! My husband and I got married recently in the courthouse because he is in the marines, and we didn't have much time to plan a big wedding. We plan to have a vow renewal/celebration/wedding in a few years once I get out of graduate school, and we have a lot of money saved up for it. My...

Hi ladies!

My husband and I got married recently in the courthouse because he is in the marines, and we didn't have much time to plan a big wedding. We plan to have a vow renewal/celebration/wedding in a few years once I get out of graduate school, and we have a lot of money saved up for it. My question is this.... am I allowed to have bridesmaids, a big white dress, my dad walk me down the aisle, a first dance, a wedding cake, and all of the things that are entailed with a wedding?

I understand that asking for gifts and having a shower isn't right, but what about everything else? Ever since I was little, I wanted that big traditional wedding with my husband, and I'm extremely sad that I didn't get that chance the first time around with him. I have read different things on numerous websites, and these negative posts saying "you're not a bride, it's not a wedding, you don't get bridesmaids" etc. are very discouraging to me. So, please give me your opinions! And thank you in advance

47 Comments

  • Powers2
    Master April 2018
    Powers2 ·
    • Flag

    I feel like wearing a white dress in this case is a "victimless crime" but I'd stay away from a big poofy ball gown looking thing and no veil.

    No bridesmaids since you aren't a bride (you are a wife!).

    I think it's ok to do a spotlight dance with your husband and anyone else that's important to you.

    • Reply
  • StephanieNaz
    VIP August 2017
    StephanieNaz ·
    • Flag

    OP you can call your ladies Ladies of Honor. That's what I did. Is it extra, absolutely. Necessary, absolutely not. But this was special to me and I chose to do it.

    • Reply
  • Michael V
    Michael V ·
    • Flag

    Kelly, thank you to your husband for serving our great nation. And thank you, Kelly, for your sacrifices being a military wife. Please enjoy your big day any way you please. As long as your guests know that you've already officially tied the knot, you are still entitled to the wedding of your dreams. Your officiant will help with some of the verbiage in the ceremony but everything else should be as with any other celebration of marriage. Best wishes.

    • Reply
  • AD2AP
    VIP June 2018
    AD2AP ·
    • Flag

    It's your day, your party, do what makes you happy!!! I just would suggest that not asking for gifts is a really good idea.

    • Reply
  • lyla
    Master July 2017
    lyla ·
    • Flag

    1. Thank your husband for his service on my behalf.

    2. This is a very unpopular opinion on this forum, but IMO you can still have the whole wedding schbang even if you had a courthouse wedding. The courthouse can be your legal marriage, but your wedding can begin your religious/ceremony marriage if you'd like. Especially in your unique situation and being unable to have a traditional wedding because FH was off defending our rights, I don't see why you should be deprived of something you have dreamed of. Some may call it a "pretty princess party," screw them. A lot of sacrifices come with being a military family ... a traditional wedding doesn't have to be one of them.

    I also don't see why gifts would be bad in this situation. Guests bring gifts to parties to thank the hosts for hosting them, not JUST to weddings. If you go to a super fancy birthday party or cocktail party, you give big gifts too. You'd still be hosting people at a party, so they'll probably bring gifts. Also, you didn't get gifts before so it's not as if you keep hosting continual parties and expecting gifts or something.

    • Reply
  • SenoraG
    Super July 2017
    SenoraG ·
    • Flag

    You can have whatever you want - bridesmaids, everything. It's your day, regardless of your legal title. Vowel renewals are just as special as the "legal" ceremony.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Dedicated September 2017
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    I'm a big fan of doing what you want. Go for it girl. You dreamed of this, don't let someone tell you not to do it.

    • Reply
  • savannah
    Savvy November 2017
    savannah ·
    • Flag

    I say do what you want! People should be understanding that you could have the big get together the first time.

    • Reply
  • Anna
    Super October 2017
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    I'm in the military and have a different view than many people on here because of that. Literally all of my military friends that have gotten engaged in the last 2 years went to the courthouse and got married prior to their wedding because they needed to do that in order to be stationed with their spouse. It's extremely common in the military. Literally people assume that's what I'm going to do. I have yet to meet a single person in the military who gets offended by someone who gets married at the courthouse then has a celebration of marriage. Most even call it a wedding. I don't think it's rude or against etiquette to want to celebrate like it's your actual wedding day. I know this is an unpopular opinion, normally I wouldn't post because of that. But I am in the military and meet very few couples who don't get legally married prior to their big marriage celebration and have yet to hear anyone be offended about it. I will say most [but not all] of these couples are couples where both people are in the military. Obviously just because many people I know did this, doesn't mean it's right. I do think the military makes it different though and I think many people are understanding of that.

    • Reply
  • Donita
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Donita ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You’re truest a blood sucker. Let her be!!! It is not at all insulting to anyone how chose something that you pick a different thing. And for the people who “might think it’s tacky” I wouldn’t invite them. What for?
    • Reply
  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks for responding to a comment I made two years ago, I guess.
    • Reply
  • Donita
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Donita ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Let her be happy, you don’t really have a say into what other people want to do with their lives. Specially if it has nothing to do with you
    • Reply
  • Donita
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Donita ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    A but bitter or what?
    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    This forum is labeled "Etiquette and Advice." True, they are not always the same. But concerns about etiquette are expressed here--and responded to. Often with advice based in traditional etiquette as expressed by Miss Manners.

    And I would be astonished if anyone ever had a 100% perfect anything. Life doesn't do perfect--very good, even excellent, but not perfect.

    • Reply
  • SHANNON
    Savvy November 2019
    SHANNON ·
    • Flag

    My husband and I are renewing our vows and spending twice what we did at our wedding. Granted, when we got married, we didn't have very much money, AND my mother in law got naked at our reception and passed out in the hallway near the buffet table. Also, I was running fever... didn't eat, could barely dance, and ended up in the hospital a few days later. But, after 10 years, we are renewing in Key West in November and I'm doing the dress, the shows, the plated dinner... We are doing it exactly how we want it. I say, it's your decision and no matter what people are going to have fun. We invited our original wedding party and their spouses and all but one couple is coming with us. Ignore the haters and do what makes you and your hubby happy. Guests that want to be there and celebrate with you will show up, and the ones who think you are tacky for doing it and don't show up... who cares!? I think it sounds perfect!!


    • Reply
  • R
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    Regina ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I think under the circumstances I think you should do what makes you happy. Ignore all the negative comments. My husband and I are renewing our vows after 20 years in November. I am having my best friend, daughter and sister stand up with me (my sister is the only original bridal party member). i debating on my kids or my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. My stepdad has never walked any of us (2 sisters and 1 stepsister) down the aisle. I was going to have my father officiate. We are spending more money this time, doing it the way we want.
    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    You can do what you want. You can ignore anyone's suggestions. And you will be judged by some of your guests (not all--but some) as showboating, tacky, ostentatious, self-dramatizing, gift-grabby, etc., etc. And some people invited won't come. And others will come and think it's great.

    You can control what you do. You can't control some people's negative responses to what you do. Maybe you can not care about those people.

    Usually the advice of an etiquette board (see heading above) is aimed at increasing the comfort of the guests and reducing their negative judgments. If you don't care about that, I don't see why you're consulting an etiquette board, even if it was a couple of years ago.

    • Reply
  • La'Keya
    Just Said Yes September 2017
    La'Keya ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I'm so happy I came across your response! 💜 You make it feel good to renew with a first wedding experience.
    • Reply
  • Cassie
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Cassie ·
    • Flag
    Listen, this is YOUR special day so do what YOU want! Now if you had the big wedding celebration in the past I would say go minimalistic but the fact that you had to have a court house wedding shouldn’t deprive you from the magical moments you would have had if you were able to have your dream wedding. So YES walk down the isle with your dad, YES have a wedding party, YES have a first dance and YES have cake! Your husband is serving our country and I’m sure all of your friends and family will be honored to attend you wedding!
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated July 2022
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I disagree with this 100%%%%%%

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics