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shayandbae
Devoted June 2019

Vow Renewal - Dos and Donts?

shayandbae, on July 1, 2018 at 5:00 PM Posted in Planning 1 29
Me and my DH got married on 6.28 and are doing a vow renewal next year as our celebration of marriage since we eloped with just his parents there. I still want to have some pre-ceremony events, such as bridal shower, bachelorette or welcome brunch for family coming into town, but am not sure if it’s acceptable since we are already married. We have announced it so it’s not a secret. I don’t want to do these parties for gifts or money, mainly for memories and photo opts. I know since I’m already married, it won’t necessarily be a bachelorette party, but what could I call it? My BM are still really looking forward to this event as a bridal party, but did I forfeit that right to have these events since we eloped?

We are also wanting to have a big bridal party, which want in the plans before but he’s made lots of friends since joining the Army and I think we can pull it off now that we both have supportive friends to stand by us.

I’m also wondering if I should rent a reception dress (already have a ceremony dress that I never wore and still love it, but it’s a ball gown and not comfy for dancing in the summer heat). Before eloping we planned to have a winter wedding so I chose that dress to keep me warm. It’s srill strapless but it’s a huge ball gown. Ceremony will be inside so I know I’ll be fine, I’m just worried about comfort.

Lastly, I am wondering what percent of this should be used towards decor? I found an event planner and graphic designer that quoted me about $**** for this style (industrial chic/rustic glam, pics attached). I’m wondering if this is too much? I wanted to DIY at first, but she said she has most of the items I want as decor already, and if she doesn’t she can get them for cheaper than I can since she’s a vendor. Trying not to get scammed here! Decor is very important to us, and we want draping on some walls which can get pretty expensive.

Overall budget of 7,000 if that helps put the decor budget into perspective. Sorry this was so long. Advice is greatly appreciated on any of these topics.

Vow Renewal - Dos and Donts? 1

Vow Renewal - Dos and Donts? 2

Vow Renewal - Dos and Donts? 3

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Vow Renewal - Dos and Donts? 6

29 Comments

Latest activity by shayandbae, on December 13, 2018 at 10:45 PM
  • K
    Just Said Yes July 2018
    katherina ·
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    I would definitely have a welcoming party. And maybe A bridesmaids brunch (something a little less "partyish".
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  • Chariece & Sterling
    VIP January 2026
    Chariece & Sterling ·
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    Since,you guys announced that you are already married and this a vow renewal. I say go for your dream wedding which includes attire, wedding party. Even though you are hiring an event planner I would still research things on my own to know about pricing and quotes when it comes to wedding related items. My DOC told me as soon as you mention "wedding" items ex cake,flowers etc prices are suddenly increased. Good luck and happy planning.
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  • shayandbae
    Devoted June 2019
    shayandbae ·
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    Awesome thanks! I love that “bridesmaid brunch” 😍
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  • shayandbae
    Devoted June 2019
    shayandbae ·
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    Thank you for your input! I’m def wanting to go all out and we have nearly a year to plan it so I want it to be all that we’ve dreamed of. I am def going to buy sparklers and fireworks etc after 4th of July since our ceremony will be so close to that date. Also doing a lot of my own decor browsing/shopping around Black Friday/Christmas.
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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    You can spend your money however you choose as far as your decor and choice of dress.

    It would however be a breach of etiquette to have a shower as you are already married. If someone offers to host, you can suggest an alternative like a brunch, lunch or tea- all non gift giving events,

    Bachelorettes are another event hosted in your honor, not planned by you. If your friends want to take you out, there is no law against that. It would be a girls' night out, rather than a bachelorette.

    A welcome brunch for your family is also not an etiquette issue, other than if you invite them, you host and you pay.


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  • Gabby
    Devoted April 2019
    Gabby ·
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    Congrats ! Coming from Military background myself and being married to a man for 38 yrs e fore he passed. I can tell you that
    1st of 90% of vendors ,will work w military . 2nd decor is only 7-10% of your budget. 2 of my kids married last year. Get prices from at least 3 people .
    Reunion of vows w family is special I did it at 25 yrs .
    Bachelorette party can be a Pre bridal party .
    (I never did these and not doing now .)
    Rental sounds great or check the stores that run $99 dress sales so ur not spending a lot David's Bridal does this .

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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2018
    Jessica ·
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    I'm one of those people who feel like if you wanna call your vow renewal a wedding, your girls night out a bachelorette party, and have a shower, you do you! I dont pay your bills, and honestly what you call your parties is the least of my concerns. Also, I have a cat, and it's already hard enough to take care of his nine lives to also have an opinion on what you call your parties.
    Go for it girl! If people decline because youre already married, think on the bright side: it wont cost as much.
    All the best!
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  • shayandbae
    Devoted June 2019
    shayandbae ·
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    Yes I was leaning more towards a brunch or tea-like event but not a showering me with gifts kinda thing. Thanks for your input!
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  • shayandbae
    Devoted June 2019
    shayandbae ·
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    Yes I’m hoping some vendors will give a military discount I don’t care if it’s 5% I’ll take it LOL I will keep asking other vendors about decor bc I felt that was way more than 10% average you’re supposed to spend on decor. I had a good experience with David’s Bridal but dresses were too high so I’ll visit again during the $99 sale.
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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    A shower and bachelorette traditionally don't cost the bride a dime. Showers are paid for by the hosts, and bachelorettes by the attendees, so there is no savings for the bride.

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  • shayandbae
    Devoted June 2019
    shayandbae ·
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    Thanks for your input! I am glad to have a lot more freedom with this ceremony vs feeling pressure like it’s our actual wedding/1st go-round. I appreciate your push to help me not care about what I call it bc you’re right, nobody’s paying for it but us lol
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  • shayandbae
    Devoted June 2019
    shayandbae ·
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    Thanks for reminding me of that! Not worrying about price for those events tho just the decor for the renewal ceremony and reception. 😊
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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2018
    Jessica ·
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    Okay aaaand where did I say it does?
    All I said is that I dont pay their bills -which I dont- so what they call their parties doesnt concern me one bit.
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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2018
    Jessica ·
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    Nope! Those who judge wont offer a penny if you ever need it so you shouldnt care ☺ put your happiness in first place always!
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  • Megan
    Expert June 2018
    Megan ·
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    First of all, congratulations! You two are a beautiful couple! I agree with previous posters, you can still celebrate your vow renewal with more traditional events without breaching Etiquette as long as they aren’t gift giving events. Another suggestion in lieu of a bachelorette is perhaps a paint and sip party or something along those lines.
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  • shayandbae
    Devoted June 2019
    shayandbae ·
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    Omg I looove paint and sip parties! Thanks so much for your advice
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  • FutureMrs.Jacobs
    Super October 2018
    FutureMrs.Jacobs ·
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    I love your ideas... my best friend is having a vow renewal next year and she is doing it all. Simply because they were married at the courthouse the first time so she wants it all. The memories and pics just like you. I think it is okay to go all out and really enjoy yourself.

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  • Amarriedmann
    Expert June 2019
    Amarriedmann ·
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    Congrats OP! We’re having a 25 yr vow renewal in a year. Similar to you, we just had 2 at our ceremony. His grandparents - both have since passed. We’re hoping to include our parents in some special way this time.

    To answer your question, here are the traditional wedding things that are we are omitting since we are already married:
    Bachelor/ette-type party
    Showers of any kind
    No gifts at the ceremony either
    No officiant, ring bearer, flower girl (won’t need any)
    Garter/bouquet toss
    First dance
    Bridal party intros (our 2 kids are our party and everyone knows them. Lol)
    E-pics & STD (will be contacting the few OOT guests directly with date info well ahead of actual renewal invites)

    Since you will still be virtually a newlywed, I can’t see any harm in keeping some of the fun reception stuff in if you’d like. 😊

    One tradition hubby insisted on is seeing me walk down the aisle in my dress. I didn’t think he’d care either way but he said NO first look business for him! So be sure to ask him what part he’s really looking forward to as well.

    Hope that helps. Happy planning!
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  • S
    Dedicated August 2018
    Sandi ·
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    ^^^This!

    Hubby and I eloped ten years ago. We’re both Catholic and still need to be married in the Church. So that’s what we’re doing in August...and yes, we’re calling it a wedding. Yes, we’re having bachelor and bachelorette parties. No shower, but only because there’s nothing we need; we didn’t register but asked that guests consider donating to one of our favorite charities. You do YOU! Those who matter will be there with bells on to celebrate with you ❤️
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Congratulations on your new marriage! I'm all for still throwing the vow renewal of your dreams, big bridal party and all. I do think that there are some experiences that you will have to forfeit, but the actual day of can be planned however you want!

    You can still have a night out with your BP before the wedding, but it would be just that, a girl's night out. You can't really have a bachelorette party since you aren't a bachelorette.

    I'm sure you already know that you shouldn't throw yourself a bridal shower, but I would politely decline if anyone else offers to host one as this is purely a gift giving event for a soon to be bride. You could host a bridal party brunch or just a get together for some of your friends and family if photo opps are your biggest concern, but again, that would be hosted by you.

    A welcome party would still be acceptable, and I'm sure much appreciated by your families and friends since this is something that you and your husband would host to welcome them to your event.

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