Vent: just don't care anymore...

I felt this way for a while too and I took a nice long break from planning. Then it became crunch time and I did what I had to do and went into crunch mode. I felt like I needed that break. I naturally hate making decisions and having to make constant little decisions that seemed so monumental was driving me crazy and I just stopped caring about all the little details and wanted to focus on the marriage. I think it sounds like postponing the wedding would prolong all of that even more which sounds like something you don't want?? If you have a lot paid for already and are able to take a planning break and do the original wedding great! If you want to elope or just do something really small - your immediate family and closest friends and then go to eat after - that's great too! You haven't sent out invitations yet so you can truly do whatever you and FH want.

I felt the same way when we first started planning. We started out with a guest list of 200 and 2 sets of very opinionated, but not willing to help pay for anything parents and I was ready to throw it all away and elope. But after scaling down our guest list to 60, ignoring opinions of everyone and just doing us and what we wanted, it's been WAY more enjoyable.

I honestly had some very similar feelings back Feb/March. It was so bad I wasn't even contacting my vendors. I think it had to do with depression and anxiety over the money being spent, but in the end I found my footing and have been back on track. i don't know what might help you get your own footing back, but don't give up. Or do and just elope! There's nothing wrong with that. :]

Oh yeah, I felt this way toward the end. I straight up didn't care anymore lol

I agree that postponing isn't what I want, I was just trying to think of other options at the time to feel better. The biggest problem is my grandma (dads mom). I haven't spoken to my dad in 3 years and she is constantly emotionally manipulating me about not having anything to do with him. Obviously he is not invited, and I can already see the shit storm coming from her about it. So no matter how many people are there, or if we elope, I have to deal with that.

FH and I have struggled to get wedding plans started since we got engaged. A lot of it was all the money we were putting into the wedding. I was shopping around for inexpensive options but things were still going to be at least $10k for a 30 person wedding which would have been parents, siblings, grandparents, FH's aunt, a couple of FH's friends, and my niece and nephew. These were the people who were essential to us if we were going to have the whole shebang type wedding. We found a nice venue for the ceremony and a restaurant about 20 minutes away from the venue. It was the closest we came to having a solid plan that could accommodate everyone but the price of everything kept giving me anxiety. FH is the main income and I felt like I was spending too much on stuff. Eventually the anxiety caught up with FH who didn't quite realize how expensive a wedding was. We talked it out and now we're actively planning an elopement which significantly cut costs. All we need is the officiant but we're also hiring a photographer and a HMUA. He's wearing a suit and I'm wearing the dress I had already bought so you can absolutely wear a wedding dress to elope in. I'll probably just buy a bouquet of flowers from the store on the way to the location.

I did my research well before we made the decision. My state doesn't require witnesses so it can just be the two of us and our vendors. I made sure the location we picked was free. Researched prices to see if vendors offer reduced prices for an elopement (such as photographer, officiant) and sent out emails. Also, since it was a semi last minute decision in regards to wedding planning l, we chose a Wednesday to have the wedding since we don't have to make sure anyone else can be off for the day of the wedding.

I wanted to throw the whole even out the door a few times, the only reason why we didn't was because we had already put down so much money that was non-refundable. I would grab a bottle of wine and sit down with your FH tonight and talk about it and see if that's the most logical/best situation for you. At the end of the day; its just the two of you. Do what will make you the happiest. Good Luck

@Rebekah - Are you close with your Grandma? Do you have to listen to her nonsense? There are a ton of family members that I don't really acknowledge or talk to. You have a reason for not wanting to see your father. Stick with that, and tell Grandma to shut the fuck about it.

FH and I are eloping. I didn't want all the stress and family drama so that's what we diecided and I'm so happy we did. maybe think of eloping as an option.

I feel like that off and on. some days I'm excited, other days idc about the wedding or getting married.

I feel like that on and off, especially when the wedding seems to spiral out of my control. I am a huge worrier and will fear upsetting my guests up until the wedding is over. I can definitely say that I am looking forward to the marriage significantly more than I am looking forward to the wedding, but I don't see that as a bad thing. The marriage is the important part.

I would be hesitant to postpone since, in my experience, how long you have to plan the wedding is how long you will spend planning the wedding. Postponing will simply extend the drama. That is one of the many reasons we went with only a 7 month engagement.

Every friend of mine had this before their wedding. It's ok to take a break and figure out what you want to do. Sorry about the family drama, I had issues with some of my family and it sucks... I ended up taking a two day get away and leaving for vacation because I was so overwhelmed. After about a week or two I was renewed. My only concern if it's a red flag if it's the wedding vs marrying FH. If it's the latter, then I would be concern. If it's budget, guest list and the other million and one issues that come with the wedding... I think that's normal. I understand with the stress it could affect depression/self esteem issues. I wish I had better advice, but I know my self esteem took a hit with trying dresses and being unable to fit the dresses the way I wanted. I did have the support to get through it though and I hope you do too. Best of luck!

Sounds like issues with Grandma are way bigger than just the wedding. It's sad that her demands are ruining the process for you.

Yup. Right there with you mama. I just want this to be done already. I stopped working on it for almost 2 weeks. Now I'm freaking out because I feel like I'm behind. I'm not but it just feels like it. This too shall pass...

I felt this way a few times during planning because of family drama (my family of course). Take a break from anything wedding related, have a nice relaxing date night with your FH and then get back to planning when you're ready.

I agree that I don't think the getting married is the issue. It's the scale in which your wedding is. Elope. Scale way back. Do something laid back and easy

Same issue I don't want to do it so after much discussion we are going to take our kids go down to the keys and just get married. I found a company and we just picked a package. We are than going to just go to dinner after

When you were a child, your dad maintained his power by virtue of age and the fact that he was your father. Guess what? That's no longer the case. You, Rebekah, are now in charge.

I'm writing this post as honestly as I can. When a woman posts a thread with that sound -- the sound of desperation and as though she's on the ledge...as though the image of her soured dad could wreck an event that will stay with her until the day she dies -- I always think, "What if this were my girl, my daughter? What would I say?" And just so you know, if I knew that her father was a good man -- flawed, but good -- I'd also know that she'd realize it. That conversation would be different from the one I'm about to reference, and I'm only going there because I think you have serious, unfinished business with your father, and...taking it further...maybe it's not workable. So, what you, from this point on, infer from this post, consider the context in which it was written, okay?

You have underlying issues. All of them are manageable, except one -- and you know which one is tormenting you. Dad.

Maybe, in the early stages of the engagement and wedding planning, the thrill was strong enough to push him into the background, but eventually, someone was going to raise the issue. They always do. In your case, it's his mother. You are not in an unusual situation -- that's not to say it isn't emotionally devastating, but it is to say that you can overcome this -- and overcoming it doesn't mean he receives a wedding invitation, walks you down the aisle, wears a bout of honor, or sits at Table One or Tablw Two.

Where you are in is a situation your father authored, and despite many opportunities to fix it with you, he didn't. So what are you left with? His mother, using the most effective of all family tools -- GUILT. Even if it doesn't feel like guilt, that's what it is, and grandma knows it, and she knows its power.

As is always the case, the underlying issues find a way to tunnel their way to the topsoil -- and here you are, faced with father issues. If it's any consolation, I'm still faced with father issues. I've tried everything, and what I've realized is that at one event, on one day, and at one time, there he is. A funeral? Not my choice. My wedding day? That's MY choice.

If one of the two most primary relationships in your life -- mom and dad -- has brought you to the point of keeping dad off the invitation list, then you are right in that decision. In order for his mother to feel like a good mother, you have to feel to like a daughter who is bound in tension -- so much tension that you're thinking about erasing something more wonderful than you can understand. Uh-uh...not fair. Their time was their time. He had his opportunities -- countless opportunities -- to be your father (and if you're like most of us, a minimal effort would have been enough).

I truly believe this is what is hacking at your soul and your heart -- him. You do not have to invite him, and you don't have to apologize for that decision. I would tell your grandmother that this is a closed issue for you, and if she loves you half as much as she loves her son, she'll respect your wishes.

You are a free, independent woman. The days of your father regulating your moods, your reactions, and your situations is over. Live in that freedom. If you don't want him there -- he's not there. This is your choice, but please, don't let him ruin another thing in your life -- something that is so significant, so sacred, and so amazing.

You're a little early. Everyone seems to feel that way closer to the day

I would just take a step back. you have time. just take a break and you'll get back into it.