Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Beginner June 2021

Upset

Flag
Hide content

Abby, on January 18, 2020 at 7:12 AM

Posted in Planning 41

So I’ve posted on here about wanting to get eloped due to anxiety, well I also want to get eloped due to money as well. My fiancé HAS to have a big wedding, which as we all know is expensive. During this time he has gotten a new job that pays really well so he’s not struggling to make wedding venue payments but after I make my wedding venue payment I’m left with not a lot of money. Well he’s constantly on me about not having any money left or not saving any and he makes TWICE what I make in two weeks. We don’t share our money, his money is his money. So last night I was a little upset that I no longer had any extra money to do the things that make me happy so he told me I should work my forty hours a week then work the weeks too on top of trying to manage school so I can afford these things. Well he clearly has a lot of extra money after paying bills that we spilt and he went out and bought himself a new Xbox.. so he still gets to do things that make him happy but I have to go out and work myself to death to get things that make me happy? I feel as this is very selfish

Show all

41 Comments

Devoted August 2020
Kendra · on January 22, 2020 at 11:20 AM
Flag

Hide content
Oh man. First, I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this spot. Second, I really strongly suggest you follow some of the other advice and seek counseling.

My FH and I live together now and most people would say, we treat money as if we were married and everything was in the same accounts. Everything is still separate, technically. Our paycheck go to different banks, the rent is all in my name, bills in mine...etc. That being said, we use Mint to put all our bills, finances, savings...everything together to see where we are at as a team. I technically bring home more but he makes more. He has a daughter we have to pay support for so my amount I bring home is higher. But for the last probably year or so, it hasn't been his money or my money.

While I can understand the idea of wanting to keep things separate, I think it creates a natural division for couples. The second we get back from the honeymoon, we are joining everything and putting both names on all accounts. We cannot wait to have it all pooled together because it's created such a strong place of security for both of us. It's not for everyone, but I saw a friend's marriage fall apart and I think in part, it was because they still split everything even after they got married.

When you marry, you become one. IF you try to fight that, you're introducing more challenges than you need to. I really hope you find help and a way through this. And if you can't find a solution, I pray you have the strength to find your voice and your strength to choose what's best for you.
- Reply