Upset

I apologise if my first comment sounded harsh, but it just made me mad. It's not just about money, it's about respect and how you treat your partner. It sounds like a very stressful situation to be living in, and I personally wouldn't want that.

I was in a relationship for 3 years with a guy who wanted things his way. It wasn't until after I left him that I realised how much better I felt in myself. It's easy to miss when you're in it, but then when you step outside of it, you see it in a different light.

I hope that he will be willing to talk with you and you guys can come to a realistic compromise.

I see a ton of red flags here, most importantly that he's on you about not having enough savings when it's because he's pressured you into an expensive wedding that you don't want. I've dealt with anxiety my whole life and I know the hell it can be; it doesn't even sound like you'll enjoy your own wedding. That's completely unfair of him.

Figure out the percentages. If he's making 50% more than you do, he should be putting 50% more into the wedding, no matter the size of it.

If you guys aren't in any sort of premarital counseling, I'd do it ASAP. This attitude of his regarding money isn't going to improve on its own.

I would have to agree with some previous comments, I am not a counselor and I do not know your relationship, but based off of the information you have given us it sounds like there are some red flags here. He should be some what willing to compromise on the size of the wedding since it is about both of you, and if he really wants the big wedding he should be covering more of the costs. He should also be offering to help, and work as a team instead of tearing you down about your financial problems. Unless you are doing a prenup your money will be combined once you are married and this does not bode well for how he will act when the money is combined.

I would recommend pre-marriage counseling, or pre-cana classes if you are religious. There are a lot of really important things to talk about before you get married ie expectations about money, family, religious beliefs, work. Never hurts to just talk it out and make sure you are on the same page. And having someone there could be useful to help keep perspective etc. Just a thought.

I wish you the best of luck!

These are issues you really need to sort out before getting married. Finances are one of the most common reasons for divorce, and if you two aren't able to figure out how to share responsibility for expenses in planning and paying for your wedding, I'm very worried about what will happen with future expenses (like buying a house, having a kid, etc). I'm not saying you have to share all your money, or you need a joint bank account or any of that, but there needs to be some equity and understanding about how you will manage your finances (both personal and joint), and you need to discuss and come up with a plan that works for both of you BEFORE you get married.

Marriage is two people becoming a unit, legally and forever. You are each supposed to support each other, show respect for one another and each others values, etc. I make about 2/3 what my FH does now, and at the beginning of our relationship I made less than half of what he did. He was used to going out to dinner weekly, grabbing drinks at the bar, and paying for entertainment, etc and I was not. Very early on we had a conversation about how we wanted to spend time together and it was important to me that we shared financial responsibility for things and it didn't all fall on him or all on me, but that I couldn't afford the same lifestyle he could, so if he wanted us to go out to nice dinners regularly and such he would need to foot the bill. Our finances are still almost completely separate, but we share responsibility for covering our joint expenses and obligations in a way that we feel is fair.

If what's his is his and what's yours is yours, what is both of yours? You and your FH need to talk, especially if you are stressed out because you are paying 50/50 for a big wedding that he wants and you don't.

If you both are getting married to each other, nothing should be done 50/50. Your marriage isn't 50/50 so your finances shouldn't be either. Once you are married you become one and everything you do is as a team. I would have a serious talk with your soon to be because that is not right. Everything he makes and everything you make is yours together. Talking about money is difficult, but it needs to be done. Good luck!

Money is such a difficult thing to talk about, but quality of life is really important and that includes being able to do the things you like to do. It's important that you both feel appreciated and have some stress-relief in your life. I think you need to discuss how you're feeling with him and tell him this isn't sustainable. You don't want to go another year like this and end up resenting him. But, also remember that money is awkward for anyone to talk about and you don't want to go into the conversation being mean because he'll go on the defensive and you won't make progress. If he's really the one, he'll hear that you're struggling and empathize and you won't need to be mean about it. Good luck!!

I'm sorry that you are going through this and that he is making you feel this way. I believe that in a relationship you two should be equals. With that being said, I think you should have a conversation about this. If he wants a big wedding and he makes way more than you do, then he should be willing to pay for more, or come up with a plan to where he can help you out when you are low on money. I cant say what he should do with his money, BUT you two are about to be married, and financial issues are always a big topic. Just let him know how you feel.

Okay, your friend Florida Marlins is going to give it you straight: You two need to sit down and have deep heart to heart talks about money, preferably with a therapist. Take it from me, the divorced and remarried person - this a HUGE RED FLAG that is mendable. You need to not be splitting things 50/50 if he earns more than you. Many many men treat a wedding reception like a big frat party (my first hubby did) and that is fine IF it is line with your vision and wishes. If he is stuck on 50/50......reconsider things. This is highly selfish behavior of him. Sorry to be blunt.

I was in a similar situation as you.. When my FH and I first started living together, he had just finished college and got his first real full time job, while I was still finishing school with a part time job. Previously we were splitting everything 50/50 and it was working out fine, but eventually I started feeling exactly like you. I had no extra money, but he did. Eventually I spoke up and said "this isnt fair. Why are we splitting 50/50 when you make way more money than I do?" He agreed. So then on we split things according to how much we were making. So it was more like 70% him 30% me. It helped us a lot. This way you're still contributing your fair share, but its not as big of a burden. And you still each have your own money left over to do what you want with

Before I did anymore wedding planning, I would be seeing a counselor.